Tuesday, 23 August 2011
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Anyone But Her...
This post was submitted by an anonymous user.
I am currently in shock and my self-esteem has plummeted to an all new low. Why? I have this friend, Jet, who I've had a mad crush on for quite some time. He's kind, easy to talk to, funny, and mature. We talk a lot...one-on-one and it sincerely makes my day when I do. He always tells me about his latest frustrations and I would always be eager to listen. I see him as the perfect man with only one flaw....he's shallow. Rightfully so, though. He's handsome, knows how to dress, and he's successful. I always knew that I never stood a chance with him, but I always thought it was okay.
Until my little sister tells me that she's secretly seeing him. You see, my sister hangs out with my group. I love my sister and always do my best to take care of her and thus, introduced her to hang out with my friends (despite them being two years older). Up until a couple weeks ago, she was in a relationship with my (ex) best friend. They broke it off and coincidentally, Jet ended it with his girl (she was cheating). The next thing I know? My sister tells me the details of her hot make out sessions with the guy she knows I've been crushing on. Worse thing? I've been sworn to secrecy. I can't tell any of my friends because if they were to find out, it would literally ruin our circle of friends.
Now you may think this is extreme, but I have entered a horrible state of depression. The man I've been crushing on is secretly with my little sister. [My sister has always been the hot, sexy one...whereas I am termed the "cute, nice" girl, so self-esteem is already lacking.] I can't tell my best friends or any one who could know them and thus have to bear it alone. My sister knows that I like him but she keeps spilling details about her and Jet (ex: how their secret relationship is perfect, that he treats her right, etc.), despite me telling her that it hurts when she tells me such stuff. She says she feels guilty but needs to tell someone and who other than her sister whom she trusts? So call me stupid but I would do anything for my sister... and I continue to listen and smile and tell her how happy I am that she found a good guy.
Thoughts? Anyone else who has had this situation? Please share!
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Comments (23)
Your sister does not sound sweet like a pear.
tell her that you're really hurt that she would go for a guy you like that much. then tell your friends. fuck her. you can't be dealing with this all by yourself. also, stop hanging out with the guy. its not healthy to hang out with someone that you're going to be pining after but have no chance with. either resign yourself to be friends with him (with no romantic feelings) or distance yourself from him until you can. oh and find a boy who DOES like you. the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. trust me.
Have you seen the movie Sense and Sensibility? You should watch it, if you haven't since something pretty similar happens in it. I won't spoil the ending. Anyway, you are a better person than me. I think I would have to slap her upside her head if she didn't stop. Maybe you should stop hanging around them so much...give that guy a chance to miss you. Try to put your attention elsewhere and focus on other things. Sometimes you just have to accept it and move on, as hard as it may be.
@lemons_to_lemonade@xanga - I had the same thought! Concerning the Sense and Sensibility correlation.
I say you tell her it hurts you too much to hear what is going on. And that you have feelings too and need to vent. If she insists on telling you more then tell her she's being selfish. Because in all honesty you are the one hurting more in this case; she gets to enjoy a secret relationship while you're left out in the cold.
Also don't waste your time crushing on a guy who's not interested in you. It's not worth it.
If you haven't told him that you liked before he got with your sister, you pretty much shot yourself in the foot. The best thing to do now is just let your sister and him be. Tell her that as much as he treats her well, you can't deal with that amount of pain shoved in your face almost all the time. She'll need to take your sensibility into consideration and know that it hurts you.
Reminds me of that Katherine Heigl movie where her sister gets with her boss that she is secretly in love with. I think that it's understandable how you feel. Also that you NEED to make it a point that she has hurt you and that you do not need to be hearing this TMI from her. That she knew you liked him therefore she needs to find someone else to entrust those juicy details with. That's just life, it's not you being mean. It's you being human.
There isn't anything you can do about them dating though or else you will look like a jerk so let it be but make her stop coming to you. If you don't, one day you are gonna flip out on them suddenly in rage.
Well that's dumb...Go find a new group of friends.
You're sister betrayed you and is seeing a guy she KNOWS you have a crush on. Tell everybody! She deserves it.
So glad my sister isn't a dirtbag....
I used to be jealous of siblings who were around the same age and were built-in best friends. Stories like this makes me think I'm so glad I don't have a sister/sibling around my age to put up with that kinda garbage. It's enough if "friends" or unrelated people do that, but a family member? Oh, hell to the no.
Who needs enemies when you have a sister like that? lol. She plain and simple sucks. You don't need to keep a secret about it. I would totally tell this to a best friend of mine if a family member did that to me. Do you have strict parents? If so, I would rat her out of what she does with guys, especially if she's still in high school, which she sounds like she might be. She feels "guilty" my ass. If she truly did feel guilty, she'd stop it before it started. More importantly, stop sharing with you intimate details.
One of my friends, growing up, would always magically end up with a boy I liked. My group of friends thought I was crazy that I would think she had it out for me, but seriously, what friend does that? I would literally ask her if she liked one person, she would say no, and then I would confess my ambition to date him. Next day we would be at lunch, or in the car, and she would spill about how she snuck said boy in her window the night before because he found her so hot. Yeah, college rolled around and I don't ever talk to her anymore. I found it sketchy and rude that her and my group of friends found my feelings irrelevant because instead of being a sweet girl taking my time with boys, I wasn't calling them up for midnight make-out sessions. Some people in my group saw her for who she was eventually, and now she is completely irrelevant as we move on with our lives.
Tell your sister it's hurtful that she didn't consider your feelings. Just because you like him doesn't mean you have claim on this guy, but the way she handled explaining how they came together was a breach of family, and friendship, ettiquete. If she believes she is not wrong in the way she told you they were together, or does not care about how you feel, there is no reason a boy should come between you two. Talking about her behind her back will only increase the gap you feel she created. Be the bigger person, take a deep breath, start a non-confrontational conversation about how her sudden hot and heavy relationship with the guy you like hurt your feelings, then move on to someone else. Even if you did end up with this guy, I can't imagine it going far since you will always be stuck with what your sister told you about how they got together. Tell her to keep the details to herself and continue living your life as sisters.
My post is long, apologies.
If I did that to my older sister (which would just be cruel, especially if I knew she liked the guy), she would most likely threaten me or not let me hang out with her friends anymore. Hope you handle it better than that.
NO. NO. NO. 'Kay I'm sorry but I have to say I've BEEN that little sister. Yeah mhmm. She's in the wrong. I know she's your blood and you adore her plus you've got her back but if she REALLY understood the intensity of your feelings she wouldn't stab you in the heart with that chiz' nit. Sorry but thats it.
Its okay to say "no". You HAVE THAT RIGHT. You should sit down and talk to her and tell her that you its hurting you or else you wouldn't post this. Sit down and talk to her. If she cares she'll confide in someone else and be more sympathetic because thats messed up. It must hurt like hell to hear that everyday.
P.S. Sexy is good but cute can over ride it more than you know. Check it'
why can't she just write her thoughts in her journal? guilty my ass. she gets off on telling you these private details about making out and other things because she knows that you have a crush on him and she wants to rub it in your face to make you jealous, not just the sugarcoated version of trusting you.
Dibs.
wow..why are you putting up with this crap? Tell her you don't want to hear any of it and that if she needs to talk to someone then talk to someone else about it. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She's being selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. Grow a back bone and stop taking crap from your own sister. Sorry to be harsh but this kinda crap pisses me off, and you really don't need any of it.
i'd confront my sister and explain to her how i feel. even if she's upset at you for doing that, she can't hate you for too long, she's your sister. there's a code between sisters, we don't do that to each other.
how you do you submit posts to datingish...?
Yikes, even after telling your sister how you feel, she still comes to tell you about her relationship? That must hurt. :/
I know you want to be a good older sister, but what she's telling you is only hurting you. Try to talk it out to her and hopefully she can see where you're coming from.
.........
I had friend that did something similar to me... i distanced myself so much from her that we never talk anymore.
no one deserves that, and you shouldn't have to take it. I didn't make her listen like i should have. i just ran away like usual :(
stick up for yourself. even if she is your sister.It's sad that she would continue to tell you all these details when she knows darn well you like him. It's very inconsiderate. However, it's not her fault that Jet and her are getting together. After all, you never told Jet how you felt about him so that is your loss. My advice: stop taking "one for the team." If you don't want to hear it, tell her so and then walk away. If she whines, tell her to grow up.