Sunday, 21 August 2011
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Appreciation for an Underappreciated Boyfriend
I feel like one of the luckiest people on earth. I have an amazing and loving boyfriend who pretty much always puts me first. We've been together for a bit over a year now and after reminiscing, I feel a bit guilty. I haven't done anything worth feeling guilty over, but that's part of the guilt; I haven't done anything.As I stated above, my boyfriend pretty much always puts me first. He treats me like a little princess. He lets me win arguments most of the time, would put a lot of effort into simply spending a little more time with me, has my best interests first, all that jazz. (You know what I mean, don't you?) He's never ever given me any reason to feel insecure about our relationship, even though I do. (That's an entirely different story...) But what do I do for him?
Not only now, but at random intervals throughout our relationship, I felt guilty. I always want to make him feel like he makes me feel. I want to make him feel loved and appreciated. I want to let him know that I value all the effort he's putting in, and that I am trying to put the same effort in. However, I feel a bit stupid because I never seem to know what to do. I'm a dumb girlfriend, I suppose.I've told him countless times that I am afraid that he's feeling undervalued so I want to do something for him too, but he always tells me that he doesn't feel that way. He knows and feels that he is loved. I don't know how, but I'm glad he does.
Despite his loving assurance, I am still looking for ways to make him happier. Any ideas?
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- From: looleeann@xanga
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Comments (17)
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp
You know what men love more than anything? Honest compliments + being appreciated and respected. All you have to do is think of great things he does and his admirable qualities then give him a good old compliment. Don't do it when you're simply feeling insecure and need his reassurance because then it can come off as fake.
Do it when he helps you or does something to show that you he loves you. Telling him, "wow, you're an amazing guy because of ____" or, "You know how to make me feel good when you do ____" is emotional food for a guy. Also, a no-strings-attached back massage, a good kiss or a b.j. can be a pretty good reward.
Many guys don't really need material gifts like some women do. I'm not trying to be stereotypical, it's just from my own experiences.
AND, I almost forgot, be confident. Men appreciate confidence in women...it's a good gift if their woman is happy and doesn't worry constantly about their relationship.
My boyfriend came to visit me for his birthday and I planned out every moment, and I made him home cooked meals three times a day. I just wanted to provide for him the way he does for me.
Respect him is a good one. I did all that too, but I felt undervalued. I always wished my ex would listen to me more, or do something when I ask for it. Going up to him and giving him a random/spontaneous hug is good too. It shows he's being appreciated.
Show interest in him, just as he does for you. If he likes to play video games, ask him about them and play them with him. Go with him to do something he likes but you might not necessarily think you do. Ask him questions about things he's passionate about. Appreciate and respect his opinions.
@stanlee255@xanga - What do you mean by "listen to you more"?..
@Kittyluve@xanga - I honestly can't remember, but I just remember the feeling you get that she just doesn't listen, or she's never paying attention. She's also the kind of person that has a strong opinion. Even if she makes a wrong decision, she's firm with what she decides and I'd suggest a better alternative, but she would always disapprove. You can see how that's disrespectful to a man. She didn't care about my opinion. She has to have things her way.
@stanlee255@xanga - That would bother anyone around her.
This post furthers exemplifies the ugly truth that a guy shouldn't treat a girl as a princess.
I think she is losing respect for him...one can only feel guilt for so long before it turns to resentment
Treat her like a human being. Give her a hug when she is nice and slap her bum when she is being a bitch.
@testyman666@xanga - Losing respect for a man who treats her well? Your comment made no sense. You can still treat a person with respect and care, while not putting them on a pedestal.
Anyway, I sometimes feel like I don't do enough for my honey (even though I know I do a lot), especially when I'm broke, because I'm the type of person who shows love by spending money on my loved ones. Buying dinner, getting little surprise presents, going all out on birthdays, that sort of thing. So I can relate with you, OP, as well as with the fact that my fiance is the most wonderful man I've had the pleasure of getting to know.
I've felt similar with my SO in the past. He always goes way out of his way to make me happy and make sure I'm doing okay that day. What I try to do is exactly what he does to me. One thing you have to remember is that with your stereotypical guy, he's not going to wear his emotions on his sleeves like women tend to. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or that he's a stone-hearted person. It could just be how his personality is. If you're still together and he's still striving to make you happy, it's because
you make him happy and he want to be the best he can be with you.The best way to repay that is to just keep doing what you're doing. If you want to do more, the person who said "give them a spontaneous hug" has a good idea. It doesn't have to stop at a hug though. Can you cook? Find out what his favorite dish is. Wait a little bit and cook it for him at home. Is there an activity that he loves to do? Whether it's swimming, board games, or video games, try to do it with him once in awhile. Does it have to be daily? No. It sounds like your guy is happy with you just as you are. Just telling him you love, respect, and value him is going to be enough to make his whole day. Don't save telling him how you feel for any kind of occasion, small compliments/thank you's should be a part of your everyday relationship. Even if you're just saying thank you for doing something you ask him to in record time (taking out the trash? anything) or thank you for listening when you're complaining about your friends/co-workers. Good luck with your guy. :)
I usually call the guy out when I know that he intentionally lets me win most of the arguments, which I do want to win, but I want to win it with a challenge or know why I won it:D or for him to explain more so I can hear him out instead of being passive and then resenting me later because he felt that he was right. I mean I want sincerity but sometimes I can tell if a guy is being genuine or just always going with the flow and trying to please me. some compromises are good but I'd like to communicate to reach the compromise and not just the guy agreeing with whatever I want to avoid offending me. I don't mean that I want to argue but I like to reach a mutual understanding when both of us have spoken and not just reach a mostly one sided biased verdict. I know how frustrating it is like to be misunderstood, so I just want a fair chance for each other to express ourselves
however, if he insists that you're right and that could possibly be true, then so be it.
surprises and genuine words of affirmation usually work for me and possibly for him and others.
surprise him with lunch or dinner or something else just in the spur of the moment kind of thing. buy him a gift that he's been eyeballing at. not all guys are the same but just do what you think might make him feel special. my last bf, i purchased him a ball shifter bc he loves cars and he once showed me it that he wanted it but didn't think it was the right time to buy it bc money was tight, so i bought it instead for him. another time, i asked my bf, now ex, to go on a date with me. i know, it sounds silly bc we're already dating but a date was special bc we had a really nice dinner and then went to the movies later and then walked down by the ocean boardwalk later that night.
Ahh babe you got your entry published:D!!
Simple, make him food. Thank me later;]My boyfriend and I had a lovely day together today. Sadly, it was cut short because of the tornado warning...
@Joobie82@xanga - @xcrownedhopeless - Thank you guys. I've been struggling with my confidence in this relationship for quite some time now, and it's still something I'm working on. :)
@iamdriftwood@xanga - That's very sweet! I will try to do something along those lines. Kind of tried that today, but I guess it just wasn't our day.
@stanlee255@xanga - I'm sorry that you felt undervalued. It's terrible that your ex treated you that way, and I hope you have better luck in the future. :)
Thank you for your tip. (:
@testyman666@xanga - I think there has somehow been a misunderstanding. I am certainly not losing respect for my boyfriend. I think ohforrealson has done a lovely job trying to explain this? I appreciate your comment though, so thank you.
@ohforrealson@xanga - We have the same problem. I don't have a job right now either, though I am looking.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - What kind of surprise would you suggest?
@superGchik@xanga - @lforletty@xanga - I made him food, and he loved it. I am on the lookout for more recipes to try. :D
@looleeann@xanga - Time to read a cookbook:D I've been reading a few lately!!
@testyman666@xanga - ...and slap her bum during sex ;)