Sunday, 21 August 2011
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Psst! Can You Set Me Up With Your Friend?
I have some friends who always ask if they can set me up with some of my other friends. "Set me up" in the way that actually means, "I want to hook up with your friend but I don't want to seem weird or come on too strong! Help me out?"
Therefore, I'll usually say back, "Go talk to them yourself."
If they say it might make it less awkward if I act as the go-between to get them talking, I'll say I'll do it.
Most of the time, as soon as I propose Friend A's idea of "hanging out" to Friend B, Friend A starts freaking out. Isn't this what you wanted?
And if Friend B agrees with the idea, heck, wants it too, all seems good, yeah?
But it usually doesn't work out because it turns out to be awkward. I become this omniscient character in both of their lives. I know what they both want, whether it be a one time hook up, an extended period of "unattached intimacy," friends with benefits deal... but then I sit back after I introduce them--and nothing either of them wanted ever comes to frution.
The ever-present excuse: "Hooking up was just too awkward to ask about."
"But you both said it was fine and that you wanted to. What's the problem?!"
Asking someone else to introduce me to another friend with the goal of eventually hooking up makes the entire hook-up scene feel so forced and contrived to me. I'm a big fan of spontaneity, which also includes randomly meeting people on my own when I least expect it. If we start hooking up, great, if we don't, no worries. At least I won't have that awkward "why didn't I just approach him myself?" question hanging over my head.
Ever have a Friend A who asked you to coordinate a "meeting" with Friend B? Were you ever Friend A or Friend B? Was it awkward or did it work out well?
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About the Author
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (8)
I feel as though trying to set people up, and being the mediator is very high school. I don't want to be a part of setting people up, and mess with things.
If one of my friends like another one of my friends, my only advice to them is to add the person on facebook, make conversation, and set up some plans. I'm not going to go out with them, pretend that it's just a friendly meeting with no intentions. Seems kind of lame to me.
I make it a rule to never be the initiator in the relationships of other people. If they want it bad enough, they'll make it happen themselves. If they are old enough to date and old enough to "hook up," they are old enough to make the first move. Put your big boy pants on, boys and girls.
I think it is very rude. I always said "no" to any guy who went to my friend first. I think it is a pansy move and I'm offended they thought so little of my friend to do that. (What if my friend had a crush on them?)
I don't think everyone has confidence to make the first move and sometimes a supportive relationship can help build that. Who am I to deny the person the opportunity to build their lives with someone else? I haven't been in the situation, having very few friends who mingle with each other (most are from different circles, a good portion already married). I have sort of been in the situation of Friend B though. I had a friend who came up to me saying that a friend of hers was interested and even though I declined, it wasn't because of him not asking me himself. It was more about not wanting to be committed when I was moving in a couple of weeks and honestly just not being interested in him romantically. Anyway, I think it depends on the situation too. I think there's some situations (like in some cases I've seen people ask to be hooked up just for sex) and for that, I'd say no to. If they were both genuinely interested in a relationship, I wouldn't mind helping. I'm not your friend to help you get laid though (especially with the amount of complications that can bring - even if both parties think they're only in it for the sex)
Your a good person. There should be more people like you in the world.
the people in the picture for this looks so familiar... i would love to know where the pic came from.
random i know...
I don't say they are interested in you unless one of them says s/he likes them.
but if that doesn't happen all I basically say is Friend A meet Friend B. And the rest is up to them
Well, I feel devastated that most of the few comments we have here are ones that destroy my hope for the future. I am a 28 year old single male. Good looking, but I can't find a single woman to save my life. Chatted up about 30 in the past 3 months, they all had significant others. All of my friends tell me I am supposed to break people up to go out with people? That just isn't cool!
I go to my friends to ask if they have any single friends because women know other women's statuses.
True, my goal is never to "hook-up" but to see if they might be "the one".