Friday, 19 August 2011
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I Do Not Wish To Hear Your Awkward Noises
When I was in about 10 or 11, I stayed overnight at a hotel with my dance company for a competition in New York. We heard heavy grunting, wall banging, and bed squeaking going on from the room next door.
The older girls in the company freaked out and tried to distract us younger girls from hearing all of that by talking loudly and turning the volume all the way up on our TV. It wasn't enough to block out the noises coming from our room neighbors.
It wasn't the first time I heard these trademark sex-noises, but it was certainly the first time I heard the show go on for hours. Finally, one of the gutsier girls in my company banged on their room door and told them to "shut the hell up! We have 10 year olds next door!" they commenced for a few more minutes, and finally finished so we could sleep in peace.
Now that I live in a college dorm, I realize there might as well be a piece of cardboard separating me from the room next door. I can hear people snoring, talking to their roommates about homework, and or playing their video games/watching TV...
And yes, I can also hear my neighbors (and RAs...) having sex. Drown yourselves out with music! Bite something! It sounds hot if it's passionate moaning. But if it sounds like some aggravated wrestles battling it out or like hyena cries... then I feel my skin crawl and feel like I need to wash my hands, especially if I know exactly who is next door to me.
(You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel?!)
A few years ago, I joked around with one of my childhood friends that if we ended up attending the same university (which we did) we were going to be the assholes who sat in a room for an hour playing animal sex noises on top of moaning from two laptops just to piss everyone off. Now that we realized there's enough awkward sex noises all day long without our additions, we've refrained from implementing our original plan.
Are you responsible for making awkward sex noises for all to hear? How do you feel when you hear people having sex next door to you?
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About the Author
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (52)
meh i dont care. as long as their bodily fluids arent hitting me, let them enjoy themselves. oh and if im having sex, im making noises that come naturally. if you dont like it, turn up a tv. lol.
Ha. When my husband and I first were dating, we had pretty loud sex. Our 19 yr old neighbor boys told him about it the next day and it's been a joke ever since. For some reason, I don't think they minded it.
If my neighbor's were going at it, I was more inclined to tell my partner we should show them how it's done, so much better than turning up the tv, lol
i dont care we're all adults at this point. and honestly living in dorms is difficult enough- if someone doesnt like the noise they can just relocate, put on music, realistically do whatever they want. a person having sex in their room is their right.
i was sometimes that person. i always tried to be REALLY quiet. and i really was compared to normal. but lol i guess i wasnt completely. haha. he was sooo hoot.
we always tried to go other places though but sometimes it'd have to be at my place.
if their moaning sounds hot, then I wouldn't mind, but some people don't sound sexy when they moan. if the female has a deep husky voice, just don't or I'll have to play some loud music by Dmx "up in here" where his voice is deeper than hers to drown it out.
@xxfl1@xanga -
i dont care we're all adults at this point. and honestly living in dorms is difficult enough- if someone doesnt like the noise they can just relocate, put on music, realistically do whatever they want. a person having sex in their room is their right.True
I had read one of those embarrassing stories online awhile back about people having sex and all of a sudden, the original Pokemon theme started playing. A couple of years after that (this past Spring), I was inspired to do that with my RA (because I am a deep sleeper, but her sex noises were so bad, I was actually waking up and couldn't sleep like ever, since I was student teaching and had long hours anyway). So, after blaring the Pokemon theme through my speaker, I am proud to say that trick really works, since I didn't hear the sex noises for a long time after.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Amen! If people don't want to hear the noises I'm making, then they can go buy earplugs.
I've been known to make quite the loud sounds during sex or at least, that's what former significant others have told me. Because the sex is so pleasurable, all I care about is letting go, and I don't care who hears it. It's not as if I'm being obnoxious either. I don't mind it when I hear others having sex. In fact, it kind of turns me on.
We've had sex quite a few times where everyone could hear us. One time, I was being really loud, and suddenly we hear a girl say: I'm in the 6th grade and he's in the 7th grade... awkward, but we still kept going.
@xx_ng_xx@xanga - gosh, how young are you? you looks like a kid!
@wenguang@xanga - I'm 18!
why don't you people just turn up the TV or radio when you have sex if you know there is someone near by?
@wenguang@xanga - I know! I'm always told that I look young! I was 18 as well, it was 2 weeks ago. We just happened to hear them walk by the bedroom window
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga -
But the bitter truth we critics must face is that in the grand scheme of things,the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.To a few of the commentators, really your going to bash this but Jenn get's off scot-free? It's quirky but it's not immature or illogical ranting.
@Neko_Akuryou@xanga - Can I just say thank you for posting that? I love you (only in a platonic way) for this. I'm soooo going to put this into action at my university. I salute you.
I believe that sex isn't truly enjoyable unless you drop all inhibitions, that includes letting the vocal chords loose while in the throes of ecstasy. Is it awkward for others? Fuck yeah it is but that's college for you. I had this happen to me only once and I just replied by cranking up the T.V. They're entitled to their right to be loud, it is one of their rooms after all. And I'm entitled to listening to the carnage unfolding on my screen whilst I "pwn mad bitches".
Have I ever been the source of those noises? I don't think so, but I know at least one of the women I was intimate with during the year was pretty vocal. So I'm indirectly responsible I guess? An accomplice? Either way I have sound proof walls in my new dorm this year, allegedly. I'll just have to put them to the test.
Being the creator of sex noise FTW
Being the recipient of sex noise FML
@Guteman91 - "To a few of the commentators, really your going to bash this but Jenn get's off scot-free?"
What are you talking about?Also I don't see anyone "bashing" this post...just disagreeing with it.
To those who think you can just raise the volume to whatever when you hear sex going on, that's okay. However, I do think there's a line that is being crossed if it's 2/3/4AM every single night, especially when you need to sleep.
@Guteman91 - Thank you. Haha. I think I tried the TV carnage trick too once in my day.
I guess it's easy for some people to say that you should just relocate or whatever... not so easy to do in real life. When I lived in my last apt, my roommate's boyfriend would stay over and they'd be doing it at like 6AM when I'm trying to sleep. Or 3AM when I was trying to sleep. Her room was right next to mine. Kinda hard to relocate... lol. I think what people don't realize is that it's rude and disrespectful to the other people that they live with to be doing awkward things so loudly all-hours of the night. But, I do have to say, it was funny that I got so mad one night I put the Beach Boys on blast while they were doing it, turning the speakers toward her wall. Not the most romantic music in the world.
I've never lived in a dorm, and I have been fortunate enough to have roommates that aren't super loud. I've heard sex noises sometimes, but as long as it's not obnoxiously loud at 2:00am when I have a 7:30 class it's okay. I'd prefer not to hear it because I'm kind of awkward sometimes with things like that, but I don't get annoyed.
I remember one of my best friends and her boyfriend having sex at a friends place because they thought everyone was asleep. I could hear the wet pushing, her trying to suppress her moaning and screaming. One thing I heard that cracked me up was when they took a break and heard her say, "Yeah, baby. I loved it!"
A week later, I told her about the incident. She got embarrassed, but we laughed it off together.
It's impossible for me to stay quiet. My boyfriend's roommate hears us (well, me) every single time he's home when we're there, which is why sex at my place (as I live with my parents) is a strict no-no unless everyone is 1) not home or 2) asleep, and we're on the floor getting rugburned to hell + I'm generally not enjoying myself much. The roommate hasn't complained though. He can hide in his room, turn on his music, or put on headphones. Until he makes a big deal out of it, seeing as it is partly his place, I see no reason to stifle myself.