Friday, 19 August 2011
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Would You Continue to Date Someone Opposed to Marriage?
"I love you and want to be with you, but I don't believe in marriage."Have you ever heard these words?
As a young woman living in America, I have always had that dream of being a bride, walking down the aisle in a cathedral to the man I will spend the rest of my life (or at least a portion of my life) with.
The media tells us that it is okay to marry the one you love, and you should invest in making that special day as beautiful and perfect as possible, and even suggest ways to keep that marriage in good standing for years to come.
However, there are many couples today that opt out of that "piece of paper" ceremony and just consider co-habitation, or moving in together and living together as the "new marriage."
Take for instance our dear Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, whom was coined Katy Waitey for waiting over 8 years for her love Prince William to pop the big question. Would any of you ladies have waited that long?
In our society, love and marriage are the forefront of what makes the perfect relationship, the perfect couple and is the gateway to the perfect family. A lot of people argue that Marriage is solely for economic reasons and has nothing to do with the idea of love at all. Personally, I believe it can be both in some cases.
So I ask my fellow Xangans, if you've been in a relationship for 2, 4, 6 or even 8 or more years with no chance of marriage... and you would like to one day get married, would you stay?
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- From: belletenshi@xanga
- Name: Belle
- About Me: my name is Belle, trying to be a skinny minnie for the masses...massive raves that is.
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Comments (69)
No. For me there'd be no point. I won't have sex until I'm married, and that's for religious reasons and reasons of my own. And i"m not saying that relationships are all about sex, but when you've been with someone for that long, it gets kind of hard to resist. Heck, I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now, and it's SO hard to not give in. (we succeed though)
if two people love each other, they are already married in the eyes of God. you don't need a certificate or a big fancy wedding to prove that.
Depends how old I am. As only 21 years, I could be in a relationship and wait 8 years. When I'm 30, I might wait up to 2 or 3 years.
idk if we were meant to be together perfect i think at some point they'd do it just because it was important to me. you cant really measure these things, but i prob would have to make some sort of deadline if i was in that situation.
for me i want to get married at 25- and have kids at 30. im 20- so id prob wait 2-3 years if i thought the person WAS completely ideal.
im a realist so i have a good grasp on what works for me, what wont, future things, and how we line up- our connection etc.
but if we had no chance of marriage straight up hypothetically than id leave immediately-- but i really think if they actually loved me (and want to love me forever and be with me forever) they would be able to do it for me. even if they dont care about the institution of marriage or thoughts behind it. i do.
No. I do want to get married and if I am with someone who just doesn't want to get married, I don't know if I can do that.
no, the whole purpose of dating and being in relationships is to find the one you'll settle down with and marry some day. at least.. that's how i see it.
No. I really want to get married one day, and there are also benefits that you get from marriage that you don't get through co-habitation. You have a lot more financial and social security in a marriage, and you have a lot more "rights" as well.
I wouldn't date someone who doesn't believe in marriage because I really think that is just a cop out. A legally binding marriage gives you a lot of benefits. And I don't want to date some guy for 8 years who is too stupid to take advantage of those benefits... I mean if the piece of paper doesn't matter, then why give up the benefits too?
Yes. You can settle down without actually getting married. I'm not for or against marriage really.
I'm scared of marriage so I'm fine with a guy who doesn't wanna get married. However, I've been shopping with my best friend and as her maid of honor I'm always like "When I get married, I'll have a big poofy dress!" Haha. My subconscious is telling me something xD
hell no. you said it in your question. you want to get married one day. so why stay with someone who isnt into the idea and will never give you what you want. sure it might be "just a paper" to them but hell, if it is just a lil innocent paper, why not just do it. -_- if they plan on staying with you forever anyway ya know.
I definitely want to get married. Why should i be the one doing the compromising and not him?
I would want someone to take that chance and commitment with me.
No, I wouldn't want to be in that relationship and I wouldn't stay in it.
Have you seen that movie "He's just not that into you?" It's also a book too. If he's into you he'll marry you. He might not think marriage is important but if it's important to you and you matter to him then he'll do it. My friend is kind of in this situation. She wants to get married, and her b/f wants to get married...eventually. They don't really talk about it so she is often confused about where he stands in the relationship, but she doesn't want to wait around either. Communication is key and so is a deadline you actually adhere to.
Glad I don't have to answer that question, my wedding is less than 2 months away
. But I do believe our relationship won't change much other than the financial changes. But this topic begs the counter question, if you aren't willing to wait, does that mean you didn't love them enough to begin with?
I never used to even think about marriage and now my boyfriend brought it up and I love him like crazy and I love the idea of being married TO HIM. But to me it was like I needed the specific person I wanted to marry, to even really know how I felt about it.
Before I just sort of assumed I'd never get married.
And now just because we want to get married doesn't mean we want a ceremony...we're going to do something small. We've talked about just getting married at the courthouse and having a party later.
No. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and we are still not married. If it happens it happens but if not then whatever. People think that it is the ultimate commitment but being with another human being for years and years is definitely enough of a commitment regardless if you have the paperwork or not.
No I wouldn't, that's lame.
That's one of those things that you can't really compromise on. Either you get married or you don't, you can't have it both ways. If you feel strongly and he feels strongly, there's not much that can be done. This may be a thing where you enjoy it while it lasts...and don't expect it to last long. One person would have to give in and things like this rarely end that way.
-Katie
My ex felt like that. He didn't want to get married. He wanted to "try out" the concept of common law marriage, only because it was better with tax breaks than with its grandios gesture of committing the word "until death due us apart" or "forever." That was ONE thing. But then he didn't want to have kids EITHER. I wouldn't have kids if I wasn't planning to marry the guy, but that was the final straw. He could say he loved me all the heck he wants, when you don't have guidelines and some semblance of structure, what's to say he wouldn't just dust his hands and say, "okay, I tried it, it's not working." What's THAT for me to handle? It also didn't work with the concept of "living together for indefinite time period" when I have super traditional Korean parents.
I thought about how much I loved him but when he had lied to keep me for the first few months, until he unleashed this shocker of a lie confession to me, for a whole week I debated if I could do it: not have my wedding, not get married with someone who wanted to share his life with me and have a family, and the answer came out to be a NO. No man was worth me giving up what I had always wanted and have imagined myself to become: married, happy, and with a family.
Thank god I did otherwise I wouldn't have met my current fiance who wants JUST that with me.
Not all marriages last. Certain relationships last a long time. Not everyone is or stays in love when they're married. And, some couples are truly in love and don't marry. I'm not sure if I would live with someone without being married. But, I'd probably need to be with someone a very long time before considering that.
Being opposed to marriage is stupid on one set of grounds. Medical. If you suddenly die, without a will, your money will go to your spouse. If you are not married, it won't, and they will be left with nothing. If you are in a coma, the choice to "pull the plug" will be given to your spouse. If you are not married, it won't. This list goes on. Yes it is a piece of paper. Yes it doesn't make the relationship any more spiritual, whole, real etc etc BUT it makes it legal. Basically, if you truly plan on spending the rest of your life with your partner, rejecting the concept due to morals or ideals is plain dumb, because of all the benefits received due to having this piece of paper.
And believe me, its easy to sneer at when your young. When you get older things change.
In a serious relationship I would want to get married. I have been in one for 3 years and we are talking about our next steps. Marriage is in our future if we maintain the same trajectory.