Thursday, 18 August 2011
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I Had Two Boyfriends at the Same Time for Six Months
I didn't mean for it to happen, honestly, I didn't. But it did and I'm not very proud of it. It was back in 2008. In September, I moved away to a University 120 miles from my house. I also had to start a long distance relationship with my boyfriend back at home of 2 years. Going to this new place, I didn't know anyone or anything about it. I was all alone. BUT I did know of this one guy who I used to know through a mutual friend.He had a thing for me back then but he was too overweight for me so I didn't accept his affections. I didn't think it would be a big deal if I hung out with him because after all, it was just him. But he lost some weight, looked a little more mature, and started to look attractive to me. We both started to fall for each other very fast. Soon as I knew it I was with him ALL the time. Eating lunch, studying, going to bbqs, or watching a movie. Yeah. I kept my boyfriend back at home up to date on how much I was hanging out with this guy from school, but he didn't say anything about it.
I started to compare them. My boyfriend at home was kind of a loser. He didn't get good grades nor did he care about getting a job. He was perfectly happy to just leech off his parents without any progress. This was a big turn off. I also didn't think he was very attractive. I went out with him to date a nice guy. And that's all he was, nice. But just nice isn't enough. The new guy was attractive (or so I thought at the time) and he had a lot of ambition. In November, the new guy confronted me about us. I told him I felt the same way and I would tell my boyfriend at home about it that weekend. I also mentioned that I was utterly confused and didn't know what to do.
When I told my boyfriend back at home, he was, well, really upset. I told him I was confused and didn't know what to do. Yeah, I'll admit it. I was being an indecisive and cowardly bitch and I just wanted one or even both of them to break things off with me so that I wouldn't have to make the difficult decision. But surprisingly, neither of them broke things off with me. So for four months after this, I would see the new guy during weekdays and I would see my boyfriend back at home during the weekends.
They knew what was going on, I didn't lie about this. All of this was tiring and took an emotional toll on everyone involved. Finally in April 2009, I broke things off with my guy at home for good and never talked to him again. Surprise, surprise, but the new guy was completely hurt by all of this and didn't trust me at all. He treated me like crap because of his insecurity during the 2 years I was with him. It was an emotionally abusive relationship and he was controlling to the very last detail.
I put up with this for two years because I felt really bad about what happened and felt like I deserved the misery. Well I broke out of this relationship once and for all in October 2010. I felt like I did my time and deserved better. It was the best thing I ever did, but I wish I had done it earlier.
Will I ever be this indecisive again? Never. This was the 2nd time my indecisiveness over guys have gotten me into deep shit. I have been nice and decisive ever since then and will continue to be that way.
Have you ever been in a similar situation?
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- From: Kittyluve@xanga
- About Me: I love animals and people who use their brain for good. I may also anger you with my views, but at least you'll see the other side of the fence.
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Comments (32)
yipes that sounds so stressful!
No I have not o_o. I mean, at least you were honest about it, but... wow. I would never do that.
I've never been in a similar situation because I don't let myself spend that much time alone around other guys when I'm dating someone...I know that sounds judgmental but it's just really what I do.
Like I may see my guy friends occasionally but it's usually in groups and they're usually dating other people, and even if I'm alone with them I don't see them on a consistent enough basis to develop feelings for them, they're just my friends.
And I just don't LET myself be open to the idea of cheating on my boyfriend, which honestly is essentially what you were doing even before you started "dating" the second guy.
I'm glad it was a learning experience though, I've definitely made some bad dating decisions and have also learned from them.
Also honestly I don't see how you thought that starting a relationship like this with the second guy would end well...if someone had you as a second girlfriend and then decided to be exclusive with you, would you trust them? I wouldn't. Granted he shouldn't have treated you badly but yeah...I don't know how this situation would have ever worked out for anyone involved.
"Have you ever been in a similar situation?"
No. I don't do the whole "spineless, selfish moron" thing.
It's not indecisiveness that was your problem; it was your damn selfishness and insecurity. You wanted to hold onto both of them so in the event that one failed, you had a backup.
So one of them was emotionally abusive, and it's a good thing that you got out of that relationship. Don't blame his insecurity on your actions; if he had any brains he would have left you long ago without treating you like that.
did you have sex with them both or just one of them ( when you were seeing them both )
One of my ex's had the same thing - she was seeing 2 or 3 guys at once but wasn't having sex with any of them.
Why would a guy stick around with a girl if she wasn't having sex?
No, I have never been in this position. Thankfully you have wised up and decided that you'd never want to live like this again. Life is difficult enough without adding more to it.
Is that Taylor Launter in the pic?
You come across as very immature, and thus you created your own punishment.
@IniquitousxAffliction@xanga - True but she admitted it though. A lot of people don't.
OP:
I almost fell into this same kind of position/situation but I ran as fast as I could from it. I didn't want to deal with it.
@Hinase@xanga - There is a lemon in your mouth.
@Hinase@xanga - Because I was like, oh cool, she has a new profile pic, then I was like.. wait, the fuck is that in her mouth?
Aw man I feel for you. :( This is tough!
@QuantumStorm@xanga - ya, you will grow old waiting
@testyman666@xanga - Silly, that's what V8 is for.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Like I may see my guy friends occasionally
but it's usually in groups and they're usually dating other people, and
even if I'm alone with them I don't see them on a consistent enough
basis to develop feelings for them, they're just my friends.
And I just don't LET myself be open to the idea of cheating on my boyfriend,
which honestly is essentially what you were doing even before you
started "dating" the second guy.
I hope my next gf thinks this way! More girls should think like this. It's fine to hang out with guy friends, and even one-on-one is fine too if they are just good friends, but not on a consistent basis. Well said! :)
@QuantumStorm@xanga - V8 is too salty
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Everything you said is logical and even I know these things, but sometimes when you're in the moment it's hard to be completely logical. That being said nothing even close to this will ever happen again! I agree with you on the boundaries.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I really don't think that was the issue. It's not hard for a girl to just have someone around if that's all they wanted. In my case, I would have been glad and relieved if both of them dumped me. No decision to make! That's how I really felt.
@haigara@xanga - Eh I have bad things to say about all three of us. And I'm just describing what they are. A leech is a leech.
@testyman666@xanga - I'm too embarrassed to answer. So there's your answer.
@Hinase@xanga - Saved yourself a lot of trouble!
@babybug329@xanga - I agree.
I would have broke up with the boyfriend earlier if I realized that I didn't like him. The whole thing about being ambition-less, and jobless... is a pretty big turn-off for me. So yeah, I might have made similar decisions as you if put in that position... but I don't believe in wasting someone's time, so I would break it off with him sooner so he could find a girl better suited for him.
Horrible..
@Kittyluve@xanga - well as long as you know, haha. I didn't mean to sound like a jerk, sorry! xD
Sounds like a shitty situation. I'm not here to judge like other people who commented. I know it must've been hard for you but hey, it was a lesson learned! Now you know for the future! :)
These things happen. Learn from it and move on. Remember the lessons and apply them to your life. Accept that such a thing happening does not make you a bad person. Also never forget you have changed for the better because of the experience.