Really, I should probably say that I'm just not that into sexual activities, considering I've never had sex. I don't really know why, but I haven't the slightest interest in sexual activities. I mean, I will start making out with a guy, but I really don't have any interest in going farther, but of course the guy does.
I've fooled around plenty, I had a boyfriend for a year and that's where most of my experience came from. And, actually, I quite enjoyed fooling around with him. But the thought of going any farther than making out with a guy just doesn't interest me. I don't want to give them an hj or a bj, and I don't want him putting his fingers or mouth anywhere near my lady parts. I have. It felt good, the guy did a good job, but I still don't want it. I'm not grossed out by it.
I have this one guy, and he tries to initiate things, and I go along at first, not thinking, until he starts to go further. And then I'm just like, meh, and so I stop. I lay back down, turn over, and sleep.
I feel like it's going to be almost impossible to find a guy who is just as uninterested in sexual activities as I am. And I don't want to date a guy and he ends up being sexually frustrated.
Is it weird to not want to fool around?
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Comments (27)
It's uncommon. But not weird. You might find it's a phase, you might find it's just the way you are. Either way, I'm sure you'll find someone out there that can work with you on what it is you're looking for.
I guess it just depends mostly on where you are in your life. You're fine without sex for now, nothing wrong with that. You should let your partner know your intentions though, as the constant "blue balling" does get old and could lead to him finding it elsewhere. If he leaves, then just note that he wasnt the type of person for you. Stand by what you believe, but also realize this may lead to actions you may not like. Just being honest. If he's truly into you, you dont have to worry about it.
I'm pansexual, so I know what you mean. Sex is just another activity in my opinion, and I don't understand the hype about it. It doesn't last very long, it's not thrilling, if anything it's just animalistic. It's not terrible, but it's not earth shatteringly great, either. You might just like you've stated not feel like it. Each person is different. I have high libido, I'm the biggest pervert you will ever meet, but I have super low desire to act on my perverted nature.
@IniquitousxAffliction@xanga - Sex supposedly (at least to me) is something intimate that I do with my bf, the one I love. I guess I could say, it's another way of spending time with him, a lot closer. I guess it depends on what kind of meaning you put on sex.
@Diary_of_a_fatman@xanga - True
Sex and all things sex-related is something you only get to share with the person you're intimate with. If you don't do those things, then perhaps they are just a friend and you can't find them sexually attractive enough to go the distance. Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet.
Don't get seriously involved with anyone without telling them this first. Don't make out with them without telling them you don't want it to go further.
It's unfair to them and might even make them feel like they made you uncomfortable / did something wrong.Other than that, keep on doing/not doing whatever you want...if you don't see a problem with it I don't see any reason to try to change it.
I feel the same way.
For me, it depends on the feelings I have for the person in question. If I don't feel anything particularly strong for another person, I don't particularly want to have sex with them. I might fantasize about it, but when it comes to actually doing it, I just think, "I hardly know you. Why are we doing this?"
I think it could be a few things.
First, and I think this is most likely, is some type of hormone imbalance. Are you on birth control? Low testosterone can really make your sex drive plunge (in women as well as men).
This doesn't sound like it's your case, but some kind of trauma in your past, low self-confidence, depression, or something similar suggesting a brain chemical imbalance can definitely negatively affect your sex drive.
If you've ALWAYS been this way, and your hormones are fine, you may just be asexual. Sexuality has a spectrum, and I'm not just talking about gay/not gay, same with sexual appetite.
Either way, if this seems like it's permanent, make sure you find a guy who can respect this. No reason to let yourself feel pressured to do something more than you want to.
I'm not into sex either.
It's just.. ehhh, not really as good as all the hype makes it to be.
Maybe my libido is malfunctioning lol
I agree with the 2 major points made here. A chemical imbalance could cause you to feel the way you do. Also, the guys you've been with could affect the way you feel about having sex. My 'first' was the only person I was really into having sex with, mostly because it felt amazing. The last two, not so amazing. Not that they were a turn-off, they just didn't get me quite as aroused, thus loosing my sexual interest. BUT absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. As long as your happy with a low sex drive, then I wouldn't worry. If you get to a point where you wish you felt more sexual, but still "don't feel like doing it" then you may want to seek help.
I've felt like that before - for a while when I was on antidepressants, and again when I was on combined hormonal birth control. If you are taking any medications, that could be it. Or maybe it's just that you need to find the right person, since you said you enjoyed fooling around with one guy.
I will say I don't think it's weird at all to not be interested in giving a guy a hj or bj - I mean, unless it's someone you care about and it's something you want to do for them for that reason, you're not really getting anything out of it! Of course some people get turned on from getting other people turned on, but a lot of people don't.
So no I don't think it is weird. There could be a physical or emotional reason for it, or It could just be the way you are, and that's fine - I've heard of other people like that too so I don't feel like it's a hopeless situation :)
try masturbation. have you ever orgasmed or been 'awoken' sexually? that would increase your sex drive haha
There are guys who really aren't all that into sex either. I heard of them for years, but it shocked the hell out of me when I actually met some. The tricky thing is, in this sex focused culture, how to meet those guys so you two can get together...otherwise it's trial and error, and most people won't admit to this face to face, until they really trust someone.
i understand you. i love making out, and fooling around, and i love dry humping (sorry for being so explicit). but the actual sex not that much. i mean, yh its cool, but i think its bc it gets a lot of work for me to ger aroused
Cant knock it till you try it.
I'm kindda scared of dating, it seems like most guys out there is looking for and want sex, either they love you or not. I had to break it off with my boyfriend because I felt bad for keeping him from what he wanted. At least now he can go get it elsewhere....?
But some of the comments above mentioned the perception of sex. Most people see it as something intimate you do with the one you really like. For me, sex is just a physical thing people do because of natural instincts and body chemistry... it bugs me. I don't like it. ehh, different views. I hope to find someone in the future who could at least respect that though. But yeah, I do think it is unfair to the guy though... :/
@Kittyluve@xanga - Exactly.
Three points.
1) You have never tried the real thing, therefore do not make up your mind yet. Wait for the right moment, do it, then decide. You never know, you might just become a Nympho!
2) Your 18. Most guys your age are not experienced. I know I wasn't. Unless your hooking up with older men, then your probably not going to find sexual activities all that great. Give it a few years. Don't make your opinion now. Wait and see.
3) You mention "sexual activities" like it is exclusively the purview of a guy and a girl. Have you tried masturbating? Can you manipulate your own body? Have you tried different things? Do YOU know how to get yourself off? If the answer to these questions is no. Give it a go. Have a long bath. Explore. Work out for yourself what you like. How can you expect someone else who is as young and as inexperienced as you to know what to do with your body? Answer: You can't.
If you do all this, masturbate, wait and then have sex with the right guy, and it still DOESN'T work for you, consider your own sexuality. Maybe you like girls? Maybe you need freaky stuff? Either way, seriously, do not look at your future sex life with the view point you have now. Its stupid to do that. Ask anyone. No one thinks the same as they do when they are 18. You will grow so much in the next seven years. Decide when you are 25. Until then explore, grow more experienced and try different things with different people. If nothing works, then consider the questions you raised.
I don't understand. Probably because I'm addicted to sex.
it's not weird that you're not into sex that much bc you've never had sex before. plus why rush it, you have your whole life to experience sex. most women don't hit the sex spurt until their late 20's or early 30's.
i thought you were weird at first, but then after thinking about it, i actually remember the first few years i had sex. and thinking it was just something you sort of did that comes with being in a relationship. i enjoyed it, but didn't really understand what it was all about at first.
You may be asexual or demisexual. It's okay, there are others like you :o)
I think you really need to be in love. And then you will want them to touch any and every part of your body... Sex can be awful if it's not with the right person...
@DrJolly@xanga - Or maybe lesbian or bisexual? Otherwise it could just be your libido isn't high for whatever reason. Factors that can cause low libido are depression, unhealthy diet, fatigue, birth control pills and a lot more. Sometimes I feel the same way, I'm just not into sex, but I'm on the pill... and the more sex you have, the more you want.