Thursday, 18 August 2011
For about a year and a half, I've hopelessly liked one of my guy friends. When we met, I referred to him solely as my "soul mate" to my friends. He was just the sweetest, most interesting guy I had ever met in my life. Every conversation flowed perfectly and he seemed to truly care about my thoughts and opinions. The problem was twofold: He was going to Romania* and I was going to Greece* to study abroad.
With that said, I chose to keep my feelings to myself. He went away, then I went away. Months passed and we kept in contact. We both arrived back in the States and still chatted frequently while located about an hour away from each other by car. I got sick with a stomach disease, was going to school full-time, and working full-time. He was applying to grad schools across the country and working full-time.
In the end, he chose a grad school in a nearby city and starts there in a few days. I'm still working a full-time job and finishing up my undergrad degree, but I have much more free time now that I'm not sick anymore. In addition, I've been applying for jobs in the city in hopes to move there soon.
We'd be in the same city.
About two weeks ago, we decided to go out to quiz night at a bar in the city and split a hotel room for convenience sake. To make a long story short, instead of going to quiz night, we sat on a park bench and dog-watched (swoon), then had some fancy drinks before going back to the hotel and... hooking up. Everything but sex itself.
It was by far the sweetest encounter of my life despite the inebriation. Hours after the alcohol wore off, we didn't move. He had his arm around me and kept kissing my forehead, shoulders, back.
I finally got up to get a shower, and then switched to the other bed in the room because he was still sleeping. We both had pretty bad hangovers the next day, and nothing was said about the drastic change in our friendship.
For the next week, I was prancin' on a cloud in glee. After so long of secretly liking him, something had happened!
But then I noticed something: days were going by and still, we hadn't talked about what happened. And there were no plans to hang out again, either.
So a week ago, I texted him asking him to call me when he wasn't busy. Two seconds later, my phone rang. After exchanging pleasantries, I decided to be blunt.
"What happened last week? Did I make it up in my head or something?"
"Well, we.. kissed."
"And.. other.. stuff. I don't think we had sex though."
"Yeah definitely not."
"It all happened really fast. I'm never that forward. We were both drunk. If we hadn't been, I'm sure we would've slept in separate beds."
"You seem quiet."
"Nah, I'm just thinking."
Here ends the extent of us talking about what happened.
In the time since, we still have continued to talk every day, but here's the problem I'm encountering:
I don't think I can be friends with him right now-- my feelings were (and are) way too strong. I really thought something was there beyond a drunk mishap. But at this point, my mind won't stop thinking about him. I'm always so picky about who I like, but I didn't even have a choice in this case. I instantly fell for him and no time or distance has been able to shake that feeling.
I don't know where to go from this point, other than to keep focusing on school and work, and see what the future holds.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Were you able to remain friends?