Wednesday, 17 August 2011
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I'm Having College Woes About My Relationship
I'm going to college in about two weeks. Freshman year, first time being away from home for real. My school is located only about an hour and a half from my house. It's also only forty five minutes away from my boyfriend's college, and I'm allowed a car as a freshman.But for a few weeks now I've been really anxious about it. It was so bad that I felt depressed and really alone for a few days and cried a LOT. I realized that I am really nervous about leaving home. I'm going to miss my family and my boyfriend a lot. And when I get lonely I feel really really sad all the time.
I know I should be excited and sometimes I am but I think I'm more nervous about it than excited at this point. Being on my own is going to be a big change for me. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend here and obviously it's not going to be as often. I think I kind of need people to talk to and around me in order to feel happy. It's scary to think of leaving and not knowing anybody. What if I end up alone a lot? It would make me really upset.
This is definitely the biggest change for me, and it scares me. I don't know what to do to make myself feel better about it, because if I don't I'll stay really really nervous until the day I leave.
Was anyone else really anxious before going to college? Has anyone had experience with relationships when your SO goes to a different school? Any advice on how to deal with all of this?
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- From: emiliahhhx7@xanga
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Comments (15)
I'm in a similar situation, I will be in University at the end of September. But I'm not that nervous about it. Mainly because I don't let myself think too much about it. Thinking too much makes me nervous. I prefer to live in the present and deal with what is in front of me. I also rarely plan.
So my advice: don't think too much about it.
I haven't gone to a differnt school as my SO, but he's in the navy so he's been gone a lot with limited communication. Don't worry, you'll be able to see him and talk to him. Love survives all things, including distance.
the only way that we could break up was to go to different colleges, even though I worry, I remind myself that he's not mine anymore.
You and every other person who is leaving home, their friends and their relationship are extremely nervous about the future and what is going to happen at college. Don't feel as though this is just happening to you.
Ask your boyfriend how he is feeling about going off to school. I'm sure that he is having some kind of anxiety about the whole thing.
When I was leaving home, I was moving into a basement apartment with no one else, and I was 17 years old. I knew that everyone else that was around me were going to be going out and bonding over drinks and I was no where near the legal age for that. It scared me, but instead of letting my anxiety and fear overwhelm me... I decided to look at my nervousness like this.... I was feeling the way that I was feeling because I was going into a new situation, and the thoughts and feelings inside of me were raised because of the fact that I was so excited to see what school, and the people there could bring me. I knew that everything was going to change, and I knew that I could be whoever I wanted to be, and I turned those things into positive feelings. You have the choice of whether or make this a positive or negative experience.
Just know that the fact that you have a car makes you extremely lucky. You can drive home whenever you want, to talk to your parents or to your boyfriend. You can make yourself comfortable that way. A lot of kids are so far away from their hometowns that they aren't able to travel back like that.
You cannot predict the future, or tell if you're going to end up alone, so right now worrying about it and letting it consume you is becoming a waste of time, and is just setting you up for failure in the long run.
When I was finishing up college, my SO lived about two hours away by transit. We made an effort to talk to each other almost every day, even if it was just for five minutes. We told each other about the important aspects of what was going on, and set out days of the week that we would be able to hang out and have date times. We just had to enjoy any time that were able to spend together and stop looking at things like "We don't spend as much time together as we did". If you truly respect and love each other, this is not going to tear you apart. Try to be logical, and know that there are going to be tempting times for the both of you, but just let each other know that you can be honest about those times. If you aren't, that's when you're going to run into trouble. Everything will fall into place and you will get your rhythm back in your relationship, if that's what you truly want to happen. Don't worry about it.
Tip for freshman - get involved as much as possible. Get to know people in your dorm. Make friends. Join social clubs.
I was in a relationship when entering freshman year and I didn't feel the need to socialize that much. I did a few things, met a few people, but not as much as I could've if I tried. I highly recommend just meeting new people and go to campus events too. The more people you know, the better college life is :) Best way to meet people is go out and join those activities and events!
I cried the whole 6 hour drive from my home to the campus. I felt really upset for the first week or two, but it passed. Now, I feel more at home when I'm away at college than I do with my family. You'll get into a routine and make some new friends.What you're feeling is perfectly normal, so don't worry. It gets much easier, I promise!
I'm going to be a college sophomore this year, and I felt exactly the same way about this time last year. I go to school in DC and my boyfriend goes to school in Michigan - about 400 miles - and we were used to seeing each other every day at home. The best way to deal with it is to recognize that it will be difficult, but that doesn't mean it's not possible. My boyfriend and I like to look at long-distance couples that graduated from our high school the year before us and are still together for encouragement. It also helps if you talk a lot - my boyfriend and I send a quick text message between classes, and then try to Skype for at least a little bit every day. That makes a huge difference.
In terms of being alone, you won't be for long. Just remember that the beauty of being a college freshman is that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone is trying to make friends, just like you are, which makes it that much easier! Just hang in there, call your parents often in the beginning, and get out and meet people.
Finally, no matter what you do, do NOT go home every weekend at the beginning of the year. This will seriously hurt your chances of making new friends, and that's the last thing you want. The more time you spend on campus the more time you'll have to meet people, so stick around! Consider maybe going home once a month, and seeing your boyfriend once a month. That will give you lots of time to be in all three places - especially if you and your boyfriend can rotate who visits who.
Good luck!
You'll meet a lot of people. I go to a 'commuter' college not far from where I live, probably about 45 minutes, and I lived in dorms there my freshman year. I met a ton of people and ended up having a lot of fun. You have to remember that everyone there is pretty much going through the same thing as you and they're all just as nervous. As for your boyfriend, it'll be different and difficult, but it'll possibly make your relationship grow and become stronger.
I will attend the same school my boyfriend is, and we live half an hour away from each other. We'll be so busy, I probably won't get to see him more than twice a week, he says.
Dont' worry, you can visit your family on weekends or your boyfriend even, but in the meantime keep in touch via phone or skype. There are ways ya know. college is a great experience, and living on your own will help you learn more about yourself and give you room to grow.
My college is 11 hours from home. Your situation really isn't bad at all. At least you can go home every weekend. Just relax & enjoy the experience. It's hard sometimes but you just have to keep a positive attitude.
My bf of 3 years is going to be 6 hours away from me for the next 3-4 years while he completes law school/his mba.
I would be ecstatic if my boyfriend was only 45 mins away. :/
I felt the same way when my boyfriend had to leave to go to school and every time he has to go back. It sucks not having him near. And be happy and take advantage that your boyfriend is only 45 minutes away. My guy and I are in different countries. :( Only four months left... *sigh*
i'm going through the exact situation... but i'm not gonna see my boyfriend for a few months :/ it was so bad..
45 minutes is nothing to worry about. I've been hours away from boyfriends before, and when things did end, it was never because of the distance. You'll be fine! :)