When it comes to cheating, people will give examples of what is cheating and what isn't; kissing another person, having sex with someone other than their SO, flirting with someone other than their SO, etc. But, what about giving out your number?
Just a bit after my second girlfriend and I broke up, I was talking to her best friend to see if there was any way for her to change the girlfriend's mind. The best friend proceeded to tell me that during a time we were still together, the girlfriend and others went out to a club. While at the club, a guy approached the girlfriend and started talking. The girlfriend then gave him her number. When asked by the best friend what she was doing, the girlfriend responded, "Just making a new friend, that's all." All of this was from the best friend and I'm not sure if she was saying it just to make me let go of the girlfriend faster or not (since the best friend isn't too reliable or levelheaded).
Now, it's not the club part that got me worried; I've been perfectly fine with her going to clubs. It was her giving her number out to a random guy she met at the club.
The thing I keep in mind is the context of where this happened. If it was with a group of friends and a friend wanted to keep in touch, giving out the number is perfectly acceptable. But, with a random guy you met several minutes before, it gets a bit complicated. Another thing to keep in mind was the intent behind giving the number.
Was she really just giving it out just to make a new friend? Did she have any other intentions besides that? Another thing to note is she has been cheated on before. So, with my logic, there wouldn't be any reason to hurt her boyfriend with the same situation that she was once hurt with before.
What do you make of this situation? Is it considered cheating to give out your number to a random guy while you're in a relationship with someone else? Am I over-thinking it too much if she really was just making a new friend?
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Comments (51)
i dont think so.... it seems like a bad idea tho,......
Whether it's cheating or not, here's a more important question: will it piss off your SO? Because if so, it's better not to do it. Giving out your number is one of those things that is usually not a platonic move. And even if it just happens to be platonic this time around, why risk upsetting your SO for no reason? I'm sure the person can find another "friend" who isn't taken.
I don't feel awkward giving out my number or taking a number and I've been in a relationship for a few years, but it definitely depends on the scene. A club would make me a little iffy. I'd get pretty livid if I found out my boyfriend went to a club/bar and gave out his number to a girl he just met. It also depends on the circumstances though. He's in the music industry and he's always networking and trying to make contacts so I always keep that in mind.
Well I think giving out #s to guys ain't a big deal if I don't have any intentions and if my "bf" (since I don't have one LOL) gave out his# to a girl, it's not a big deal too. I wouldn't like it if he called/smsed her all night long while ignoring my calls/sms or if they said anything to each other that crossed the line. Being plain friends would be fine though, and if they were cool friends, my "bf" and I would intro them to each other x_X'' but pick-ups I would avoid like the plague.
I have never gotten a girls phone number at a bar or club, but if I did, my SO would be pretty upset...so it's probably not a great idea...why would you WANT a phone number in the 1st place???
I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I don't think it's right. This is all considering the context, of course. If it's someone he knows from class or work and they just want to keep in touch, yeah it's fine. It crosses a line when someone has intentions that are more than friendly, like at a club. Because I don't know anyone that goes to clubs to 'make new friends'. I'd be pissed if it was anything other than a friend.
I would consider it cheating.
I sure hope not, since I hand my number out to random strangers on a daily basis. (it's for work) I guess I just don't think along those lines much. If he's mine then he's mine and if he wants to talk to other girls it's not too big a deal for me. If our relationship can't handle us having opposite sex friends then it's not much of a relationship
I would consider it cheating, unless she had a legitimate reason for giving him her number. However, in networking situations it's usually a mutual exchange of numbers, not a one-sided thing.
Just because someone has been cheated on doesn't mean he/she won't cheat on someone else. After all, it's less painful to be on the cheating side and empathy only goes so far. Case in point, my ex was cheated on a lot and then proceeded to cheat on one of his gfs for over a year. It wasn't until he experiences the guilt of that situation that I believe he's less likely to cheat in the future.
I have mixed feelings about this situation. Do I think it's a crime to give out your number and make friends? No. If it escalates from there, then I suggest that you stop talking to the other person. There's nothing wrong with being friends, but if you have an SO then they deserve to know that you do have friends who are of the opposite sex that you do talk to. Don't hide it from them. As long as there's no flirting or hanging out with them while your SO is not around there should be no harm.
I don't consider this cheating, but it really depends on the individual's intention at the moment.
I'm in a relationship and if I met someone I thought was interesting/cute (without any sexual attraction) then I wouldn't mind accepting or giving away my number. Why restrict yourself to making new friends when you're in a relationship?
I think that engaging in any activity with the intention of drawing that person in romantically and sexually when you are already in a mutual monogamous relationship with another, is cheating.
If you are working towards starting something, it's cheating.
Some activities, playful flirting, exchanging numbers, a hug, can be totally above board, or they can be all sorts of wrong.
I think you're overanalyzing, but that shows you really care about her.
I don't think its considered cheating, but its still wrong. Kind of like having "one foot out the door". I think its in the same category as lying and dishonesty. I hate that she called it "making a new friend" because its very easy to tell whether the person approaching you is trying to be just a friend or something else.
For me, I define cheating as "you doing something with another person that would make YOU feel uncomfortable if your significant other suddenly walks in on you." If you walked in on your girlfriend giving her number away, and she acts distressed/awkward about it, yes, I would consider that as cheating. However, if the girlfriend is like "meeeh," then I wouldn't consider it as cheating.
It would piss me off to find that out. Like you said it's context. It's one thing meeting someone at a coffee shop, on the bus or at a bookstore and having a meaningful conversation to think "hey this person is interesting, let's continue to talk to them" Either way, why phone number? why no facebook or other social networking sites?
I consider it a form of cheating. Cheating is a breach of trust.
A couple of years ago, my husband (back then he was boyfriend) and I hit a slump. We were both really busy with school and work and lost our sizzle. One of my friends was celebrating her birthday at a bar and needless to say, I got pretty hammered. There was a really cute bartender that kept flirting with me and well, by the end of the night, he had my number.
A little while later, I remember crying into my pancake at IHOP when I realized what I'd done. I told the guy I had a boyfriend and came clean to my boyfriend the next day. It spurred a conversation about our relationship that ended with us deciding when we would want to get married.
We both consider it cheating, albeit a lesser form. It still hurt him and yours truly quite a lot.
I don't think it's an appropriate thing to do when you're in a relationship. It's bound to make someone upset.
Other people on here are right though. When doing things when you're in a relationship, it's often helpful to keep in mind the question "If my SO was here, would I be doing this?", Or "What would my SO think of this?".
If you're choosing to make a decision that you KNOW will upset and hurt your SO, then I wouldn't say that you have the best intentions in mind.
Some people are just kind of in their own head space though and don't give other people that much consideration even though they should be.
But then again, I'm the kind of person who doesn't understand the point of going out to clubs if you're in a long term committed relationship (Maybe being a prude though).
Depends on the circumstances and the context of giving out the number and possibly the intentions.
Don't even have to read the article. Yes. Ok, so maybe not full-out cheating, but it definitely sets the stage.
Not if it's a 555 number.
depends what the intentions were there. Sometimes its nice to meet a new friend!
I don't know but if you want my honest opinion... Yes its cheating.. if she gave him her number that mean she could of had a little thing for him.... Im a girl.. and I think if a girl gives her number thats saying "Aww I find you cute, I like him! Please call me" ... Girls in relationships should NOT give out there number because they are already taken! and they should tell people who ask for their number
"Sorry im in a rleationship!"