Tuesday, 16 August 2011
This isn't a how-to guide. It's a me-begging-for-advice post. I broke up with my boyfriend of six months the other day. He was my first real boyfriend, and we had gotten so close over the past six months that it broke my heart to end it. The reason we had to end it was because he's going to a different state for summer research for the rest of the summer and is going to a college that's about five-six hours away from mine next year (we're both recently-graduated seniors). So pretty much, there's no chance of us staying together. We both agreed that it would be impractical to try and stay together because we both don't handle jealousy very well, and the long distance would only further incite petty bickering and such.I don't love him. Or, I don't think I do. And he doesn't feel the same towards me either. I don't feel that we're ready to say such a thing to each other because I'm young, naive, and confused. I always felt that the moment you knew you truly loved someone came as a revelation, and you knew beyond a doubt that you really did love that person. But I never felt that way. It would be on the tip of my tongue sometimes, but I always refrained because I was confused and unsure. Anyway, correct me if I'm wrong about the love ordeal, but that's not really the point of this post.The point is, how do I get over him? I know things will get better and things will be okay again, but it's this period of suffering that I don't know how to get past. I feel lonely and empty and wanting to cry all the time, which makes me feel pathetic and desperate. People tell me to get out and go hang out with my friends, but most of my friends have left the country for the duration of this summer, and I have kind of an overbearing mother who still keeps a tight leash on me and pretty much allows me out with friends maybe once or twice a month.Whenever I'm alone, when I'm about to fall asleep, when I wake up, even if I'm just sitting at home on the computer, something reminds me of him and I can feel the burn of tears behind my eyes again.I hate feeling this way, and I know there's no shortcut out of this, but what (besides cartons and cartons of ice cream and then a healthy dose of running to burn it off) can I do to help me through this? Sometimes I get so depressed that it physically hurts, and I'm scared I won't have the strength to stop myself from doing something stupid.
Any advice would be appreciated.