Monday, 15 August 2011
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about relationships, sex and love. He made the comment that most women will overlook bad sex just because they are in love with someone. I laughed, but then he said, "You've NEVER been with anyone who was bad, or even just alright in bed because you loved them? Don't worry. I'll wait." And I had to admit that to some degree he was right.
I'm not saying ALL women are like that, or that I have been that way in all of my relationships. Honestly, I'm more of the type of woman who will try to "train" (for lack of a better term) the man I love if I feel I am not being sexually satisfied. I mean, I have known so many friends who have told me that they just aren't satisfied in their relationship, but still stay. I was with my ex fiance for two years, and I guarantee if it was the sex that kept me, I would have left after the first time. I mean, he wasn't horrible like "What the hell?" but he wasn't good either. He was very well endowed but he just didn't know what to do with it.
I started to think back on the relationships I had, and honestly, as sad as this sounds, I can only think of two (including the one I am in now) that were really good sexually. The rest were just... okay. I assume maybe it's because most women don't put too much emphasis on the sexual part of the relationship. They place more emphasis on the emotional and mental attractions. I like sex, don't get me wrong. I want it just like any other woman. However, it's not like if I DON'T have it, I will go crazy. I just go without. My fingers are okay enough. It's not the same, but it gets the job done.
Anyway, my friend went on about how when a woman is in love with someone, the sex is much better than when they don't really have any attraction to them. For example, when a relationship is on the fritz, it's less likely they will even have sex, and if they do it won't be very satisfying for at least one of the parties. I laughed because, once again, he was somewhat right. I have another friend who is in a long distance relationship, and recently he went to visit his girlfriend. He told me that she got mad because he wouldn't... stand up for her.
She said he must not be attracted to her any more. He tried to explain to her that the two weeks they just spent constantly arguing before he got there prevented him from really being able to perform. I was kind of shocked because I made the assumption that men are more physically stimulated than anything so it wouldn't matter.
I can think of a few times in my life when my relationship was having hiccups, but that never stopped me from having sex. Hell, if I am horny, I am horny. I don't care if I just cursed at you and kicked you out an hour ago. I can see my friend's point, though. I never put my man on "punishment" either. I feel like this: If you aren't getting any, I am not getting any either. And if you ARE getting some and I am not, we have a problem. So I have never been a big fan of witholding the cookies when I am mad at my man.
Besides, isn't makeup sex supposed to be the best sex? In any event, this whole discussion has had a very interesting effect on me. It makes me think about what REALLY turns me on in a relationship physically, mentally, and emotionally. I must say that I never knew that I didn't know so much about myself in that aspect of my life.
What do you think about the relationship between sex and emotions?