Monday, 15 August 2011
Chris had rekindled his friendship/love affair with his best friend Joey (whom I left for him). This drove me nuts. Chris knew about all the nasty and untrue rumors Joey had spread around their all-boy school, knew how much Joey and I hated each other, and knew that I would never ever forgive him for lying about a fake vacation, trashing my reputation, and being an all-around terrible person.
Apparently none of these horrible actions against his girlfriend seemed to bother Chris. He made up with his stalker, I mean friend, and they hung out like nothing had happened. Boys.
I voiced my opinion about their friendship on a daily basis, and scowled every time Chris left me to go and see his friends.
After a month and a half of constantly fighting over the same thing, I finally tried to call a truce. "I'll come watch you play football today" (the big event of a 16-year-old's life). I thought I was doing him the biggest favor on earth by swallowing my pride and sharing my presence at a game that I knew he would be at.
"Nah, I don't think that's such a good idea. It's just gonna make everyone tense for no reason and make the other guys feel awkward," he said in a I-Know-Why-You-Want-To-Come tone.
My jaw dropped three feet. First, I was abandoned for the guy who hated me more than anyone on this site, and now I was banned from his stupid little football games?! What a joke.
"Who's even gonna see me?" I asked, shocked.
"Come on. We both know you'd make your presence known, Jen," he said, in that same knowing tone.
Livid, it took all that I had not to show up at the game in a goddamned cheerleading costume and full marching band.
After a couple months of torturous fighting, we finally broke up. I was the one who said it, but it was clearly mutual. We had both had enough. Even though our relationship had ended, we did what no broken up couple should do – we continued to talk and hang out.
I was so upset about losing him that I broke the cardinal rule and kissed him when I saw him. In the two weeks that we were broken up, I started dating another guy. This didn't alleviate any of my pain. Chris knew about it, and said he was fine with it, and that just made me feel worse. Why is he not crying? Why is he not threatening to kill this guy?
I was so upset about the entire situation that I stopped eating. I didn't really make an actual decision to do it or anything, it just sort of happened. My appetite diminished, and so did my body. I'll never forget the day I sat with him and a girl called his phone. I cried so hard that I thought I would never stop. Even when we got back together, I still found myself shying away from food, my most beloved thing in the world.
I remember sitting in a restaurant with all my friends one evening, eating one baked clam and feeling full. I looked emaciated and bony. My face lost it's fullness and my cheeks started to look hollow.
My best friend and cousin finally sat me down one day after I had declined going to lunch with them. "Listen, we all know you don't eat anymore, and it's starting to scare us. if you don't start eating again, we will be forced to tell your mother. Don't test us, Jennifer."
I figured it was serious if they were pulling the full name and mom card in one slick action. I forced myself to eat salad until my stomach stretched out enough to handle real food again. To this day, I can't eat the way I used to, and I blame him for it. Ever since then, whenever I break up with a guy, I don't care how depressed or "unhungry" I am, I sit down with my family and make myself cut, chew, and swallow. I'll never do that for another guy ever again.
Have you ever stopped eating over a guy? Was it on purpose or involuntary? How did you get back on track with your life?