Sunday, 14 August 2011
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Done Sneaking Around
That's it. I'm done. I'm tired of lying.
I always had to be "sleeping over my friend's house", or "hanging out" or "watching a movie", but I'm so sick of sneaking around.
I feel like I lead a double life. I tell all these lies just to make my parents feel comfortable, so that they won't judge me, so that their clean innocent image of their daughter doesn't get tarnished.
But who else are you supposed to be other than yourself? And if your parents can't accept you for who you are, then how will you ever be yourself with a stranger or a friend or someone who you could possibly get close to?
I quit last week. This habit will die hard, but it will die.
I just have to keep reminding myself. There is nothing wrong with what I do. All I am is a girl in love who wants to spend time with the guy she cares about, and do it without having to lie about her whereabouts or whoabouts.
I broke the habit last week when my guy invited me over to his house. It was 10 pm, my mother was getting ready for bed, and I was getting ready to go see him. She noticed that I was preparing to leave the house, and inquisitively asked "Where exactly are you going?"
Me: "I...(stuttering began a little, quick think of a lie I thought) I...(just tell her!) I'm going over to Alex's house, we're going to hang out and watch True Blood."
Mom: "True Blood? At this hour at night?"
Me: "Yeah, I have season one and told him that it was a good show and so he wants to see it."
Mom: "Alright. Good night. Drive safe, and don't come home too late."
Me: Okay. (that's it, no further interrogation?)
It felt so good. I felt so free, so relaxed, so happy to have finally been honest.
It was like the guilt from all the times prior had been lifted off my chest.
I don't know how I began the pattern of lying to my mom, but I guess knowing the conservative person that she is, she always made me feel like I couldn't communicate with her about everything.
I think it takes courage to be open and honest with your parents if you don't have that friendly kind of relationship. I know that I've never been able to approach my mother about anything really intimate. It's almost as if we've skipped that chapter.
But I think regardless of who it is, in the future I need to learn to be comfortable with my decisions, because otherwise I know that I can develop my habit into deeper aspects of my life.
Do you have to or did you have to sneak around behind your parents backs to see your significant other? When did you have your wake-up call or are you still in it?
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (12)
Not really since when I was younger, I didn't have a car so they would drive me to the girlfriend's. But, even now with a car, I tell them where I'm going.
I never had parents so I never had to lie to them. I mean obviously there was a womb and sperm involved in my creation at some point but that's about as far as their parenting went.
wow im really proud of you. -- i definately used to feel like i lived a double life. its hard because i wanted to make everyone happy- but in the process i wasnt showing my true self and felt the need to suffocate it even though imo there was nothing wrong with what i did.
It's harder for girls to tell their parents. For guys, I tell my parents where I'm going. In my previous relationship, my ex did a lot of hiding. She always made up some excuse to her parents about where we're going. It was fun because I got to hang around her a lot. But I don't think I want a relationship like that.
I have anal parents, so yes, I know exactly where you're coming from. They're always pointing out the fact that I lie to them, and I'm thinking gee I wonder why I lie because they flip out knowing that I'm with a guy even a guy as a friend. One time, I even told my dad I spent the night at a high school guy's friend's house, and he was just a friend...and he still flipped out. So ever since then, I've really kept it from them that I've been hanging out with my guy...although occasionally my mom will ask if I have a boyfriend because she says all the signs are there, she hears me texting and talking on the phone late at night plus sees me getting ready, lol, but my guy doesn't want to meet my parents, and I don't want him to either, at least not now. When the time is right it will happen.
I will introduce friends that are guys if I don't have any feelings more than friends, though.
Yay! Good job :)
I do this a lot with my mother. Only one time have I told her the truth (and my guy friend had to convince her to let me go... talk about irony -___- ). besides that, I won't tell her. I am 19 and I shouldn't have to do that, but it's just so easier to tell her I'm going to my girl friend's house rather than staying at a guy's and having to have the "be safe and make right decisions, but let's talk to your father about this."
Not really since I was 14-16. I'm usually pretty honest with my parents, and they're not super strict or weird about me having boyfriends, so why lie? But I'm 19 now so they can't really say anything now anyways! lol.
I decided that when I was going to see a guy, I would be straight up about it and tell them. When I finally decided I would sleep over, I sat them down and told them what I was going to do. Mind you, I was 18 at the time so I figured I had earned enough trust and respect by that point lol. They looked tortured but at least I was honest and they knew where I would be.
I didn't date when I was in high school, so I didn't sneak around. however, I wasn't a prude or anything. some guys pursued me and I talked to them on the phone. I didn't really care about dating back then, partly because I didn't find a guy that I connected with and because I enjoyed the attention from multiple guys
they'd ask me to go to school dances with them but I rejected them, because I liked being the hot girl that they wanted but could never have
lol I was in that stuckup megan fox stage
I'd usually just go to a girl's night out to the club or other popular local teen hangout and check out guys. my friends and I would dress up and have fun teasing guys like you can look but can't touch type of thing
my mom usually had no idea that I went to these crowded places with my friends. I just told her something vague about hanging out with my friends, who she has met and my friends are very courteous, so they must've left a great impression and she trusted me when I'd hang out with my friends. I have a guy now and I don't have to report to anybody.
Keep blogging about this and let us know how it goes :)
it is SO much easier when you stop lying to your parents. I felt like I could never really tell them where I was going either, but as I got older (and therefore smarter and stopped doing some stupid things) I decided I could be up front about where I was going and what I was doing and its so nice not to have to lie!
I feel bad for my boyfriend, though. he has to lie all the time, but its because his parents are foreign and they really don't get it.