Saturday, 13 August 2011
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How Ladies Night Turned Into a Ladies Fight
Last Thursday night, my girlfriends invited me out to go to the bars. Having some etiquette, I asked if it was okay to bring my guy along. Cordially, my friend Lina* said that it was absolutely fine, and that she had no problem giving him a ride as well.
About a half hour before we were about to meet, my other friend said that another girl from our neighborhood was joining us. However, all of a sudden I realized we had a group of six getting ready to go into a car of 5. I asked Lina if there was enough room, and she said she had completely misunderstood my text from before and that there wasn't any room. She also said that she had been under the impression that it was just going to be a girls night.
Annoyed by her lack of understanding I felt stressed with the sudden news. My texts were clear, no bad punctuation, no typos. I tried to be polite and organized about this, and now not only was I the bad guy, but she was giving me attitude left and right over the phone about it.
Convo on the phone:
Me: "Hey Lina, so now I don't know what to do. Alex* will be here in 10 minutes, but after what you just told me, I don't know if we should come. Is there even room?
Lina: "I mean do whatever you want. If you want to come, come. If you don't, then don't. I mean I guess you could sit on his lap or something?"
Her tone, voice, everything was so rude and immature. It just angered me at that moment that I had made plans with them especially when I was trying to show my guy who knows nothing about NYC a good time.
But to rewind a little, this flakiness/invariability with plans had been the usual lately, and it was on this Thursday that it got too old for me.
Alex and I ended up going for the ride (I had no time to tell him what had gone on, he had been in the subway), but as a result of the mess up earlier the night did not improve. The tension was awkward. I tried to be casual and start conversation, but she wasn't having it so we ended up leaving.
Afterwards I felt embarrassed about having shown my guy such a bad time. He, himself told me that he felt something was up with my friends.
My guy is Spanish, so English is becoming his second language, and after that night he said that he thought it would be a better idea in the future for me to go out with my friends on my own. The last thing a girl wants is to be reflected poorly by her friends. Her crew is supposed to make the night more fun and inviting, not rude and unwelcoming.
We talked more that night, and I explained that those friends are strictly my party friends. We don't share deep stories, we don't check in all year round. Its just that during the summer it's a given that we will reunite.
My guy understood, but I had to wonder if I had done anything wrong that night seeing that love is blind, and sometimes it's possible to make a mistake without knowing.
Do you think I handled it incorrectly? Could I have done something different? Or am I possibly outgrowing my teenage party friends? Could it be time for a new crew?
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (16)
what an immature friend.-.-
but if you wanted to show your boyfriend a good time, why couldn't you have cancelled the plans with your "stricly party, no deep stories, no check-ins year round" friends and just hung out with him that night?
wow nice post even wish that was the case with me but it's not my blog is spammed and hacked so bad i cant even talk to anybody let alone fight. i cant stand coming on xanga anymore because of the creeps that hqack my page. lu!! kissses
i probably wouldn't of went. party friends aren't friends. tbh
You have to ask yourself this simple question, "Does this person (or people) add value to my life?" if not, then move on and find new friends.
She clearly can't be honest with you about whatever her little personal gripe is and that to me is already a clear indication that she isn't worth the trouble. She's acting childish, immature, and it's time for her to go.
It's your life, it's your reality, you can decide who stays and who goes. There's a few billion people on the planet and you don't have to accept anybody or their behavior just because they say so.
Well in the moment, you did what you thought was best..so it's done now.
I wouldn't have went into that car if someone was giving me attitude like that. I would of taken him and showed him around by myself...there's always another way..and prolly that would have been last akward and stressful for both of you.
You're "friends" wanted it to be a ladies night, and she should have made the clearly known. It's a double edged sword because if you flake on him he'll be disappointed. And if you cancel on them they'd say that you're overly consumed in your relationship that you can't come out to ladies night. It's happened to me and my friends to (and these aren't even party friends). I just wish some ppl were more clear about things and less passive aggressive. Makes all our lifes frikken easier :)
I was really hoping this would be a story about bikini mud wrestling. :p
since it was like a traditional girls night only reunion to party, then I think your friend saw the invite of your bf as an intrusion even though you asked prior, and she probably didn't want to directly reject and say that he was not allowed to attend the girls night out since it was like an unspoken deal that it was your girly social thing. so you wanted the more the merrier to show your guy around along with your friends, which seems harmless and understandable, but your friend was probably annoyed that you had the nerve to actually ask if you could bring a guy to tag along, so she made some excuse with the supposed misunderstood texts. maybe you could've shown your guy around during the day and went out with your friends during the evening. why couldn't you split up in two cars and meet up there?? this seems like the other blog about guys only poker night, so having a female there would be like the awkward third wheel that they might find obnoxious even if it seems like no big deal. I think they took this girls reunion seriously and didn't want a guy there.
whenever my gf would have girls nights...I would NOT go
it would be impossible to communicate over all the screaming and talking
I think it's weird that she even said it was okay for you to bring him to the bars in the first place if it was understood that it would be a ladies night. I think you both sort of miscommunicated/put each other on the spot.
I think you probably knew it was a girl's night but you wanted to bring the guy, and she flipped out because she wanted to say no but also didn't want to be rude.Everyone needs to just apologize and communicate better.
When I have a girls' night, I usually always keep it a girl's night. Similarly, if my man is having a boys' night, I usually don't go unless he asks me to (I often suspect I'm there so that the bouncers keep less of an eye on them and so that he can show off!).
If I were in your shoes, I would probably have judged who wants my company more and is more deserving of it. If my friend made it seem like she didn't want me there, I would tell her what I feel and explain that that's my reason for not coming.
I think that if your friend wanted it to be a girls' night, she should have said so from the beginning. You did what you thought was best--no fault for that. However, to be honest, I don't think bringing your guy was a good idea. Here's why:
1. These girls aren't your real friends. That means they are naturally less inclined to be concerned about your feelings, and therefore less inclined to be concerned about your boyfriend's feelings. If he is already at a disadvantage because he doesn't understand what they are saying, you can bet that this group of friends probably won't make an extra effort to help him out.
2. If no other guys were invited, it is pretty safe to assume that it's a girls' night. And even if it wasn't officially called a girls' night, there aren't too many guys I know who would feel comfortable going out with a group of girls, especially if they don't know them. So even if they hadn't been rude to you, he probably still would have felt awkward.
3. If he doesn't know your friends and he doesn't have any other guys/people to talk to, he probably feels like a third wheel. And your friends probably feel the same way -- that he's a third wheel. And that makes everyone uncomfortable.4. It's really hard to have conversations and get to know people in noisy places like bars, clubs and parties. So being surrounded by people you don't know and not being able to actually talk to them just makes the situation worse.
5. Your friend flaked/changed things up on you multiple times in a short period of time. Better not to continue putting up with it by going along anyway.
If your bf wants to get to know NYC, you might try taking him to interesting spots (besides just parties, bars and clubs), introducing him to your real friends (who will want to get to know him and try to accommodate the language differences), and helping him meet other guys and make friends.
I despise it when people act like this. Lie to cover up their mistake. Cover guilt with attitude. Just chill the fuck out and enjoy yourselves... People who covet being involved in drama are not sociable people.
you're in the city and you needed to drive?
shoulda js went with your guy and js met up wit ur friends there or go somewhere else............
your friend acted pretty immature, but it sounds like she was just upset you were trying to bring your guy to girls night. she sounds single and bitter.