Thursday, 11 August 2011
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Mission Impossible
I'm a 21-year-old male, and I'm in trouble.
For most of my short life, I assumed that I was destined to be single forever, and I was fine with that. I've had one girlfriend, but it didn't take long before I realized that I wasn't attracted to her for any reason other than we were very similar people. We were totally incompatible in a serious relationship. Other than her, I've never been attracted to another person enough to even consider asking them out. Until, that is, two years ago, when I first saw a certain girl who attends my college.
She utterly captures my attention. When she's around, I can't take my eyes off her. My stomach jumps into my throat. If I'm carrying junk food back to the dorm, I try to hide it from her because I'm so ashamed of myself. I've never been so sweet on a girl before, yet I've never even talked to her (I never see her in an environment conducive to spontaneous conversation). I didn't even know her name until I conducted a thorough investigation involving typing every girl's name I could think of into the college directory and asking everyone on Facebook if they knew who she was.
My problem is that, for the last three weeks, I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. She may not be stunningly gorgeous (by others’ standards), but she’s incredibly cute and, from what I’ve seen of her, sweet and soft-spoken. I have never been so attracted to someone in my life, and I have no idea why. It’s so strong that I’m scared that I’ll never feel this way about someone again.
I'm sure she lives nowhere near me and I'm spending next semester in Japan, so the chances of me getting a chance to formally meet her in less than six months are completely nonexistent. Since I have no intention of becoming more of a creeper, my hands are tied.
I’m losing sleep over this. Every day I suffer moments of depression and loneliness that literally feel like someone is physically punching me in the chest. I can’t help but fear that I am in a race against the clock to see if she’s even interested in me. She seems to be single as of now, and that just baffles me.
So, that’s the predicament my long-suffering friends and family (God bless ‘em) have had to put up with me freaking out about. I don’t know how to handle this situation at all. I’m trying to get advice from as many people as I can, and most of it has been sound so far.
What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: quicksandbuddy@xanga
- Name: Jared
- About Me: I'm a college student pursuing an English major and minors in Japanese and linguistics. I love movies, video games, British and world literature, and languages.
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Comments (27)
The sad part is that if you do talk to her, you might realize that she's not all that great. (said the pessimist)
I do hope you go balls deep and talk to her though. Unrequited love is the worst. Good luck :)
poor you.
i think you should just go up to her and tell her that you find her really cute. and introduce yourself.
or try to find a friend who knows her to introduce you guys!
Talk to her, dummy.
Girls are people too. And the pretty ones rarely get talked to without being offered a penis sandwhich. Be nice, offer to take her on a date, or out for coffee, and STOP STALKING her.
My advice?
Gather your confidence, review what you say, and approach her!! Sometimes girls don't notice people until they take a step forward. I NEVER noticed my ex (even when we went to a private party), until he actually approached me and started talking. And if she isn't interested in you or you find out that her personality doesn't match her looks, then OK. At least you tried. Better to know than to regret.
So go get err, tiger ;)
careful not to deify her is my first advice. I did that with one relationship where I wanted to get with him for so long that when we finally did, he was like a god in my eyes. too-high expectations crippled what could have been. with that cheerful thought... ;P
do talk to her! just go up to her next time you see her and start a conversation.
so far all girls are replying and it seem easy to just say approach her when the guy is usually the initiator, but easier said than done. I had a crush on a guy and I really wanted to talk to him but didn't feel that it was the right time, although there isn't a right or wrong time, I was just hesitant. I would tell myself that today is the day that I talk to him, but when he was right in front of me, I couldn't do it like I blanked out
I really wanted to just blurt out, "DoYouWantToGoToTheMoviesWithMe?" very quickly as if it was a single word, but today turned into tomorrow turned into an entire year
I finally told him my feelings but not out loud lol I wrote him a note
*whew* it didn't work out because he was going away for college. I was younger than him and we were in high school. we never dated, but I was still glad that I let him know my feelings because bottling things up is torture>_< I understand what you're going through.
I'm sorry, but at the risk of seeming immature... I think this is SO CUTE!
Just ask her out for coffee, and relax. :)
I mean if you found her facebook, why don't you just friend her on there and send her a msg when you do saying that you have seen her in person and feel weird just spontaneously talking to her and can be shy, but you think she seems like a really cute, sweet person and you'd like to get to know her. Be careful overwhelming her with more compliments than that. But what's the worst that can happen... You'll be left where you are now.
Write her a note and give it to her the next time you see her!
If you're losing sleep over this, you should really do something.
Nice to see things from a male perspective. We don't get enough articles like this on Datingish; most are from women who are insecure about the relationships they are in.
But you do need some serious help.
Okay, so you are interested in this girl and have been in a long time. So why don't you go up to talk to her? Actually, first of all, who CARES if you're eating junk food? Unless you're big enough to have trouble walking down the hallways and fitting into your dorm room, I doubt she'd care. Hell, she may be hiding junk food in her dorm for all you know.
You need to stop caring so much. I mean, you may meet her and find out she's a real dirtbag, or she might be the greatest girl you've ever met. You'll never know however until you meet her. Think of it this way - if she completely blows you off, she's not worth it. More likely than not, I'm sure she will be nice. However, when you do meet her, do NOT act desperate, do NOT talk negatively about yourself, and do NOT act out of insecurity. Be cool and be in control. When it comes down to it, she's just another person similar to you.
Also, don't stress on trying to make good conversation. If you see her passing in the hallway for example, you could quickly comment on something relevant like what she's wearing, etc. If you can make her laugh with any comment, you know you're doing something right. If she doesn't, don't stress because she could be just as nervous if not more nervous than you are.
The worst thing you can do is not try. Whether or not she will be your next significant other, I'm sure she will have some significance in your life if you just take the opportunity to meet her.
I wish you the best of luck.
Awww, sometimes I wish I was this girl for some guy. I think I may have been for my boyfriend, he asked his sister if I was single the day he met me and then talked about me to her ever since. He messaged me on Facebook and things escalated from there. I would say add her on Facebook (assuming you have one) but if you didn't know her name at first, that might come off as a bit creeper-ish. Is this girl in any of your classes? When do you see her? The college I go to is pretty big, so unless a certain person is in one of my classes or lives close to my dorm building, I don't ever see them. Anyway, just make yourself be noticed. And then maybe approach her, but approach her as a friend, and then see where it goes from there.
Talk to her! Gather up your balls, go up to her and say that you would like to spend some time with her over coffee or lunch or something. Follow up within the next couple of days. Refrain from declaring your love, but do clearly show your interest. DON'T play mind games- if you like her, let her know! Good luck! :)
Also, keep in mind that a semester-long separation is not that big of a deal in a relationship that's meant to last. So if it does end up going swimmingly, don't think that it automatically has to end when you leave.
not to be the asshole here or anything, but i think you're kind of a creep by looking her up on facebook instead of actually saying hi. if you see her around campus so frequently, there's no reason you shouldn't have said hi already. here, i'll start you off:
"hey, i feel like i see you around campus all the time. have you been stalking me?"
you have to do something fast.
You are building all these feelings for her, so when you do talk to her, you will be expecting an almost reciprocation.
She for sure won't have your feelings...you have to hide them from her. And pretend as if you just bumped into her if you do meet her.
three weeks? it might just be a hormone rush.
Just talk to her and you'll stop being a pain... literally to yourself.
Add her on fb :D
GO TALK TO HER!!!!!
Just start a conversation with her. My cousin met her boyfriend when he went up to her and told her she smelled nice, and they've been together for quite some time now. People are only people, so I don't think you should waste any more time worrying and instead, say something to her, say anything.
do something special... you'll have to think of it yourself.
and watch Big Fish.
Just go up to her and ask her a simple question like
" hey what classes are you taking here?
and your response would be " oh i thought i had you for a class before?"
or ask her " hey you look familiar did you date sean (imaginary guy) he's a friend of mine."
and when she says no then ask her if she has a boyfriend.
Then say " If you don't mind I would like to take you to get coffee one day, if you like it lol"
DONT EVER LEAVE SOMETHING UNDONE IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET IT! EVERYTHING IS WORTH A CHANCE! Girls love when a guy comes up to them and asks them on a date but do it classy and don't look desperate. lol
Example:
I'm engaged to a guy that always used to stare at me in high school and he never had the nerve to come up to me and ask me anything. He was friends with one of my friends and i told this girl (our friend)i really thought he was cute and so we all went to lunch together. we started dating but he was still in a party mode and i started dating again, got pregnant, relationship didn't work out with biological father, he had a girlfriend and he broke up with her, we started talking again, he moved from austin, tx to come be with me, he gave up everything, loves my daughter, lived together and now we are engaged. we were meant to be it took 6 years and we found each other again.
My fiance and I have kind of a... hit-or-miss story. We went to the same high school, but he left in the middle of 9th grade, so I had never gotten to talk to him. I saw him perform a show at Battle of the Bands once and was blown away, thinking he was so untouchable and out of my league... he was just so attractive. It was 9th grade, so I was more superficial then, ha.
Anyway, turns out, he had seen me a couple of times around town my senior year but I didn't notice him or remember him - can't recall even having seen him! He hung out with a mutual friend of ours, so that was strange. Then, we formally met, and have been together for two years now. He's got one of the most beautiful souls I know of, so that worked out well... he's got that outer/inner beauty thing going on, and I couldn' t be happier. He chose me too.
As for this girl... I added my fiance on Myspace (when it was all the rage) and that's how we began talking. But, he'd already expressed interest by that point. My suggestion would be to kind of break the ice somehow ("Hey... I'm sorry, but... you look really familiar, have we met before?"), and let her know in your own way that you'd like to take her out to lunch sometime, something light. Hopefully she is single, and you can snag a date. My first thought upon reading this was "holy shit, maybe love at first sight does exist" lol! But yeah, I'd do something about it or you'll always wonder! We don't regret the things we DID do HALF as much as the things we didn't, trust me... you'll have to just go for it. I wish you luck!
@RoMeSboP@xanga - That's one hell of a story! Funny how things work out. Like what I said above, I first saw my fiance four years before we got together, ha!
And OP - we'll expect an update for when you approach this girl - we're holding you accountable!