Wednesday, 10 August 2011
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...And the Survey Says! People Suck
Over the last few days, I've seen the results to a couple of surveys which questioned men and women over things such as fidelity and the state of a relationship if a significant other were to gain weight. Unsurprisingly, the results showed that people do indeed suck, to generalize. Everyone sucks. You suck, I suck, your mother sucks, everyone sucks. Even Anderson Cooper sucks.One survey questioned 5,000 women across England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, with the average age being 38, and concluded that 50 percent of women would lie if they were impregnated by another man. This study also showed that four in ten women would lie about contraceptives in order to get pregnant. Lovely, isn't it?
Here are a couple of little fun conclusions from the same survey:
- 33% of women would remain with their husband if they found out he was a closet transvestite. Oh, that's a relief.
- 17% would put up with their husband's shit and stink if he were to go unwashed for long periods of time. Sorry, squatters.
- 46% fake orgasms while 55% make up lame excuses to get out of having sex with their man.
- 30% of the women surveyed have had an affair with a married man. Comforting!
- 68% of women said that they definitely don't trust their partners.
As you can see, surveys say a lot of things. So do women, but we put up with your constant yapping because we love you.
My main reaction to the survey was, "No shit." Everyone lies, including people who take surveys. Yes, sucking; it's a human condition. We get it. Now, can we move along to something more interesting like the percentage of fire ants who rebel against the colony? Or perhaps a study on the average number of degrees in which an erect penis tilts?
Well, another study with a sample size of 70,000 people says that over 50 percent of men would break up with their girlfriends if they put on some weight, while only 20% of women would do the same.
Close enough.
Now, for the fun facts!
- 78% of men say they can actually "sense" when a woman decides to fake her orgasms. I wouldn't know!
- 22% of women say they fake it "frequently." Please note that this differs from the question asked in the first survey presented.
- 50% of men lie about their sexual conquests. In other words, they lie about the number of women (or men) they've slept with.
- 35% of women lie about the aforementioned sexual conquests.
There isn't too much left to say as the numbers speak for themselves. Whether you take surveys seriously or not, none of this should come as a surprise. As humans, we're still stuck in a biological chess match. We try to fight off our animal instincts, but it's clear that many are still in hunter/gatherer mode. Biology doesn't care about emotions. It doesn't care about fidelity. It sure as hell does not care about morality.
What's the margin for error? Hell if I know. I'll leave you with the words of Greg Graffin, PhD, and lead singer of the band Bad Religion:
Modern man, evolutionary betrayer,
Modern man, ecosystem destroyer,
Modern man, destroy yourself in shame,
Modern man, pathetic example of Earth's organic heritage,
Just a sample of carbon-based wastage,
Just a fucking tragic epic of you and ISincerely,
Nunez Love DoctorCertified with a PhD in Sucking and Careless Abandon.
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About the Author
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- From: AsylumBlue
- Name: AsylumBlue
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: The musician in me is constantly dueling with my inner writer, trying to take its place. What I'm attempting to do is allow them to live harmoniously, but it seems that I'm a terrible peacemaker, because they haven't stopped bickering or flinging spit-balls at one another. I write political satire, short stories, poems and... actually, I can pretty much write about anything; I'm flexible (not physically, unfortunately). If I had to choose, it would be writing softcore romance novels full of seduction, extramarital affairs and incredibly specific details. I'm kidding about that last part, I think.
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Comments (14)
error can generally be approximated by 1/sqrt(sample size).
what i love is that i always hear girls bitching about how guys will still pursue them when they claim they have boyfriends, when we only do it because a large portion of girls are willing to cheat. don't blame us, we're only doing what the numbers tell us to do.
i could have liked this post... if there were more things about men. the "facts" about women were rolling in! the "facts" about men were too few, that it just came out as women sucking far more than men. like, beyond suckage. lol.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I'll never get over that. Guys know that a fair amount of women are willing to cheat with the right persuasion and the idea that they aren't going to get caught doing it.
@ShirleyD@xanga - Not even an eProp? ;[
@ShirleyD@xanga - Same LOL where's the girl power:[
I would have thought more than 46% of women fake orgasms.
I'm surprised that 68% percent of women don't trust their men. That's very sad indeed.
Those statistics are disturbing but not more than that picture.
I will see you all in hell.
How one defines trust may vary. I am also surprised that the number faking orgasms isn't a tad bit higher. I know a lot of guys who are paranoid as hell about it.
To be fair, people respond to incentives and outcomes. I'm not one to fake orgasms, generally. I never have with my current boyfriend. However, I once dated a guy who was overly paranoid of faked orgasms. He told me no matter what to never fake. That was fine with me, until I discovered that he would get very angry at me if I didn't orgasm. He'd storm off and not return for hours and would accuse me of cheating on him or not being attracted to him, and that's why I couldn't get off. No pressure there, right? Let's just say, I faked a few times after that and wasn't with him too much longer.
that's not in america though. the numbers here tend to be higher no matter what type of questions
sex, violence, obesity, etc or was there another guinness world record-_-
The one that seriously bothers me is...
"50 percent of women would lie if they were impregnated by another man."
That use to be one of my biggest fears when it came to relationships. A woman getting knocked up by someone and then lying to her husband or SO and telling him it's his child. And then to lead a man on from there and have him raise a child that isn't his...I seriously hope there's a special circle in Hell reserved for people like that.
My personal grievance aside, most of this seemed obvious to begin with, especially with the ones regarding the U.K. The "swinging" culture is a lot more prevalent and popular there.
Eh all this just means that people are becoming more dysfunctional and need to go see a damn therapist instead of bottling up, repressing, or denying their issues. Maybe lay off the self medication while they're at it. Or better yet, people just need to be honest with themselves and their SO's, go the Dan Savage route if need be and have a "monogamish" relationship.
HAHAHA. I LOVE that you used that Dystopia album. So good.
those lyrics are even more badass because greg graffin is an life sciences professor at my undergrad.