Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Over the last few days, I've seen the results to a couple of surveys which questioned men and women over things such as fidelity and the state of a relationship if a significant other were to gain weight. Unsurprisingly, the results showed that people do indeed suck, to generalize. Everyone sucks. You suck, I suck, your mother sucks, everyone sucks. Even Anderson Cooper sucks.
One survey questioned 5,000 women across England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, with the average age being 38, and concluded that 50 percent of women would lie if they were impregnated by another man. This study also showed that four in ten women would lie about contraceptives in order to get pregnant. Lovely, isn't it?
Here are a couple of little fun conclusions from the same survey:
- 33% of women would remain with their husband if they found out he was a closet transvestite. Oh, that's a relief.
- 17% would put up with their husband's shit and stink if he were to go unwashed for long periods of time. Sorry, squatters.
- 46% fake orgasms while 55% make up lame excuses to get out of having sex with their man.
- 30% of the women surveyed have had an affair with a married man. Comforting!
- 68% of women said that they definitely don't trust their partners.
As you can see, surveys say a lot of things. So do women, but we put up with your constant yapping because we love you.
My main reaction to the survey was, "No shit." Everyone lies, including people who take surveys. Yes, sucking; it's a human condition. We get it. Now, can we move along to something more interesting like the percentage of fire ants who rebel against the colony? Or perhaps a study on the average number of degrees in which an erect penis tilts?
Well, another study with a sample size of 70,000 people says that over 50 percent of men would break up with their girlfriends if they put on some weight, while only 20% of women would do the same.
Now, for the fun facts!
- 78% of men say they can actually "sense" when a woman decides to fake her orgasms. I wouldn't know!
- 22% of women say they fake it "frequently." Please note that this differs from the question asked in the first survey presented.
- 50% of men lie about their sexual conquests. In other words, they lie about the number of women (or men) they've slept with.
- 35% of women lie about the aforementioned sexual conquests.
There isn't too much left to say as the numbers speak for themselves. Whether you take surveys seriously or not, none of this should come as a surprise. As humans, we're still stuck in a biological chess match. We try to fight off our animal instincts, but it's clear that many are still in hunter/gatherer mode. Biology doesn't care about emotions. It doesn't care about fidelity. It sure as hell does not care about morality.
What's the margin for error? Hell if I know. I'll leave you with the words of Greg Graffin, PhD, and lead singer of the band Bad Religion:
Modern man, evolutionary betrayer,
Modern man, ecosystem destroyer,
Modern man, destroy yourself in shame,
Modern man, pathetic example of Earth's organic heritage,
Just a sample of carbon-based wastage,
Just a fucking tragic epic of you and I
Nunez Love Doctor
Certified with a PhD in Sucking and Careless Abandon.