Tuesday, 09 August 2011
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Does Having a Conservative Family Mean YOU Having to be Conservative?
I don’t know how I feel about this following story. My friend Kelly* and her boyfriend Mark* went to her annual family camping trip to the mountains recently. As she was describing it to me, she stumbled onto a part of the story that was negligent to her, but as soon as I heard it, I had to put her story on pause.
During the trip they stay in cabins, all the women stay in one and all the men stay in another. Now, I know this can be a very cute idea, but at the same time many of these family members are married with kids etc…. However, even the married couples do not get a room of their own. As you can expect, my friend who is unmarried, was definitely separated from her boyfriend too.
When I asked her why this was always the tradition to divide the family up this way, she told me it was because of respect. Respect for her older family members (aunts and uncles) who still live in their conservative ways.
Okay, my friend is only twenty-one so I do understand that in this day in age we still might want our kids to be in separate rooms; they’re still very young blah blah blah. The whole idea regarding sexual intimacy of: “if I don’t see it, it doesn’t happen,” but when you’re around me you’re still going to pretend it doesn’t happen.
However, I think it’s a bit much to still separate married couples, isn’t it?
I think in the year 2011, it shouldn’t really matter how conservative auntie is, if you are married and have created a life for yourself, auntie should get over it. Obviously, I didn’t say any of this to my friend, but I definitely thought it. It was just shocking to me, shocking that this rule existed, and shocking that the family obeyed it.
It’s like this boundary of hush hush, yes we know you are together, but we don’t need it to be out in the open. Why should it be kept so hidden? In my opinion it should be embraced, not ignored. It seems so much more childish. I just find it to be more awkward that her family separates everyone like everyone is living in another decade. I think it would be less uncomfortable if everyone simply respected everyone's personal life.
Maybe it’s just me, and perhaps the family likes their tradition that way, and if that’s the case, then more power to them, but to that is just plain insane.
So what do you think? Are they insane in the membrane or is this acceptable? Am I making a big deal over nothing?
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (13)
If your friend isn't bothered by it, and the way you described it, she isn't, I don't really see what the issue is.
it isn't like they suddenly decided to separate the genders. if it was tradition, then they got used to it by now and it isn't a big deal, but to outsiders, it might seem crazy. maybe being separated from your significant other for a week or however long they stayed there is a good thing for some time apart, so the females can have their pajama slumber party playing scrabble while the guys go fishing
Eh I don't think it's that big of a deal. While they are somewhat archaic values it was only for a little while and the rules applied to everyone. Now if they start cringing when people start kissing, hugging, or flirting then auntie needs to relax and get over herself; kinda like that whole PDA episode you mentioned in your last post with that upstanding gentleman.
Let's also take a few other things into account too. They're staying in cabins which are likely cramped and the walls aren't exactly sound proof, plus there's children around. Not exactly the best environment for a romp between lovers. The woods, on a mountain, or by the lake or a waterfall, those are all fair game ;).
If I was your friend I'd probably bitch a little, as I do just enjoy cuddling and sleeping alongside my SO, but it wouldn't be the end of the world and I'd get over it.
If you're married and aren't allowed to sleep in the same room as your husband or wife?
Yeah, I think that's very weird. If it's tradition and no one cares, that's one thing. But if they aren't allowed because it's seen as taboo or just plain inappropriate, then the older generations need to get over it.Auntie definitely does need to get over it. I'm so sick of hearing stories like these where people feel like their comfort is more important than anybody elses.
She was talking about a family camping trip, right? So that means it was like for a week or something. Hopefully married people can stand going a week without sleeping together. Some might actually appreciate the time away from each other. It's not the end of the world.
I don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe they just like having one-gender pijama parties.
you're making a big deal over nothing. it's not like she doesn't sleep over with her boyfriend, just not when the family is around. if it's their tradition, and it doesn't bother her, why should it concern you?
There is nothing exactly wrong with it. I don't personally agree with it but that is just my opinion. Although when you mentioned this situation is only weird for married couples I have to slightly disagree with that. You said she is 21, right? She is an adult, married or not. If she wasn't ok with this I could see why. It would be kind of delusional for parents to expect their 21 yr old to not sleep in the same bed with their boyfriend/girlfriend. But if she is ok with upholding that tradition then there is no reason to make a big deal out of it.
I don't see why they would split up married couples, though I understand why they would split up the boyfriend and girlfriend. Still, like other people have said, nobody seems to mind except you, and it's not your problem. I would hate having to deal with a stinky sausage-fest at night, but I could suffer it for my family. Respect is important no matter what your political/religious/social stance might be.
As for "sexual intimacy," I really hope you're not expecting to get it on when granny and the kids are in such close proximity.
I think it's weird that they separated the married couples, BUT there are only two cabins. There really isn't another option... it would be awkward for some single people to stay in a cabin with married couples sleeping together. It's just the easiest option to separate by gender. I think everyone can handle it for a week - it's not like they don't spend the entire day together.
My family is conservative too, and I'm having a very hard time coming up with how to tell them I want to live with my boyfriend. Obviously, I can do what I want - I'm 24 - but knowing that they disapproved of the way I was living would haunt me.
I don't think it's a big problem. They only uphold the "tradition" only for a short while per year. And it merely just seems more convient to stick all the males in one place and all the females in another. Like... maybe it's not so cool for her to be in the same building place with her uncle or male cousins..? I can see how it might not be very appropriate. Plus, I don't think it is very appropriate to decide if someone else's family traditions is wrong or not based on your own beliefs.
Insane in the membrane. You win props for that!
But yeah, if your friend isn't worried about it, it isn't too much of a problem but also you do have the right to think about it. It is interesting.
I too, don't see why they would split up married couples myself but it's only for a short while so it's not too bad.