Tuesday, 09 August 2011
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I Reject His Straightness
Gay Until Proven StraightIt is extremely disappointing when you think you've found your new gay best friend, only to find out that he is, in fact, straight. This recently happened to me a couple of weeks ago. A few months ago, I started Facebook chatting with a friend of a friend. I noticed we were both into some of the same stuff, and being the social butterfly that I am, I requested him.
In all his pictures, this guy was wearing tight clothes and way more hair products than me. He didn't check off the sexual orientation tab on his profile, and we never ever spoke about anything but our hobbies and our mutual friends (no relationship talk from him), so I assumed (I know, I know) that he was homosexual. Looking back, I guess I could have just asked someone who knew him, but I find that to be a touchy subject and I didn't care all that much to actually bother asking.
Chatting on and off for the past few months, the friends whom we met through each other decided to get everyone together and go out to a "We never see any of you busy jerks anymore!" dinner and I was going to finally meet my new gay Internet buddy! I, immediately, began making plans in my head. We can talk about guys, swap stories, share hair and beauty secrets. We can go shopping and talk on the phone and have sleepovers that aren't rape-threatening. Etcetera, etcetera.
Halfway through the night, after asking this guy if he wanted to be best friends, I decided it was finally time to address the elephant in the room and inquire as to whether or not he was gay or straight (just for the hell of it, considering I already "knew" the answer).
"I'm straight," he said, calmly, staring at me from under the umbrella we were sharing.
"What?!" I exclaimed, suddenly realizing I was standing awfully close to him, occasionally using his arm for balance when I'd spot a subway grating or huge puddle.
I put my hands over my chest.
"Shut UP!"
"No, I'm serious," he continued, just as monotone.
"Not even a little gay?" I begged.
"Not the last time I checked," he said, shrugging, looking untouched by my sudden curiosity and shock.
I immediately thought of the movie Over Her Dead Body where Jason Biggs pretends to be gay because he wants to spend time with a girl who assumes he is.
"So does that mean you don't want to be best friends anymore?" he said, smiling.
"Yes, that's what that means! I mean, I'll be your regular friend. But best friendship is now out. ...Like I thought you were."
Have you ever wrongfully assumed someone is gay, only to be extremely disappointed when you find out the truth? Or vice versa? What happened?
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About the Author
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- From: Jenn
- About Me: I have been on more bad dates than I have fingers and toes to count on -- and I'm only in my early twenties! I laugh when I watch 'Sex & the City,' because I've had so many dysfunctional relationships that they might as well as made me their 5th friend. Even so, I used to love going on dates with different guys (now I only let one guy take me out on dates), eating great food, and talking on the phone until 3AM. I never did get over the idea that a guy should treat a girl like a princess -- even if I've encountered one too many frogs.
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Comments (123)
Uhm, no. Because I don't care what someone's sexual orientation is. If they're cool, we hang out. Duh? But, apparently I give off a lesbian vibe.
Appreciate a person based on their personality, interests, and loyalty; not their sexual orientation. It seems like you two could have had a pretty good friendship and you were ready to throw it away because he wasn't gay.
Just goes to show you that making wrong assumptions is often wrong.
aggggh the ignorance! oh god. no way. no wayyy is this acceptable! aaagghhhh really datingish. really.
People assume I'm straight all the damn time.
But no one seems to care that I'm not.
Hmmm...
You know, Jenn, I have to say. As a walking, talking, breathing stereotype you certainly get people to respond to social issues. Like, for instance, the ridiculous stereotypes about how if a man is attractive and well-dressed and interesting, he MUST be gay. And if he's gay, he MUST want to be best friends with every straight female and have sleepovers and gossip.
Pretty sad, isn't it?
Um, no.
I once had a best friend who I thought was straight until I accidentally pricked him and a corrosive acid came out instead of blood. That's when I knew he was gay. Then a horrible monster came out of him and ate me and I died a horrible death. The end.
This post sucked until I read @Rob_of_the_Sky@xanga - comment.... then I lol'd.
Oh gosh darnit! I just hate when I can't have a token gay best friend for the sake of having a token gay best friend. Because they aren't real people with feelings or anything, just commodities for shallow, straight, ignorant women!
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - Eh actually compared to her last post...I don't think there's anything in here that's that bad. But I guess we'll agree to disagree.
I was actually in a similar situation this past week where I met two lesbians through a friend of mine. They were close friends of hers and as we traveled to dinner I noted the body language and interactions between the two women, and something seemed different about them. During dinner this occurrence repeated itself where I wondered to myself what was it about them that just seemed to pique my curiosity. Eventually a possible answer dawned on me and I discreetly asked my friend, "Are they lesbians?" to which she replied, "How the hell did you know?!". So my situation was the reverse of Jenn's here, I had initially assumed they were straight, especially considering that both had children, but it turns out they were two divorcee's who had become a little bi-curious after the end of their marriages and now happily pursued that side of their sexuality.
I'm usually a little quick to flagrantly bash Jenn but I can see her point of view on this one. You can be good friends with a straight guy but perhaps not necessarily best friends. For instance, is a woman really going to try clothes on, bra's and thongs especially, in front of a straight friend? No, your more likely to go with a gay friend or a girlfriend. Why? Because if that friend was straight that crosses a line where it's likely to become awkward. Unless of course you two grew up together, in which case you probably won't be sexually attracted to each other.
So because he's straight you can't be best friends? That's completely stupid. One of my best friends is straight. We've had sleepovers, talk about relationships, play video games, etc. We chit chat all the time, go fishing together, watch football together. Idk, I think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, it's pretty damn rude to just assume someone is gay.
@Rob_of_the_Sky@xanga - BEST. COMMENT. EVER. SO. MUCH. WIN.
yup, all gay guys like hair and shopping and gossip and shallow straight girls looking for a token gay friend.
stereotype fail.
You make it seem as if a gay guy is an accessory :S. Furthermore, I don't think your generalziation applies to all gay guys. This post was really stereotypical. Does datingish posts up these posts because there care more fore the amount of views/comments it gets and completely disregarding how demeanign and offensive tehy are? I hope those impressionable people who do read this psot don't go on in life that the attitude in this post was okay.
You should have just asked and left it at that instead of dragging it out with the "Not even a little gay!?" shit. I bet he felt like crap after that, even though he didn't show it.
So you can't be his best friend because he's straight? That's shitty.
"We can talk about guys, swap stories, share hair and beauty secrets. We can go shopping and talk on the phone and have sleepovers..." I have many homosexual friends. I was even the Chair of Gender and Sexuality of UCF's AMSA chapter. I have never, ever seen a gay guy be like that.
@lyrra_askavi@xanga - Trust me they are out there! My best friend who is gay pretty much knows more about beauty and makeup than I do, and that's saying a lot because that's my biggest hobby.
I don't like your reasons for assuming a guy is gay. And deciding not to be his best friend because he's straight. He's still a same person who just proved that your assumptions were wrong. Wanting him as your best friend because he's gay makes you seem like a tool. I have a friend who spends more time on his hair than I do, enjoys fashion, and understands my problems a lot better than other guys I know. Does that mean that he's gay? No. He just wants to look good and listens and understands me.
Carly Paige did this a while back.
This might be the first time I've heard of a woman being disappointed because a man wasn't gay. Just because a guy is straight means he automatically wants you, right? If you had a lesbian friend they couldn't be your best friend either? What about a bi friend? I guess I never thought to act differently around someone because of their sexual orientation.
Why didn't you just ASK from the start to clarify the need to assume anything?
I had a guy lied to me that he was gay, as if that will encourage me to strip in front of him or something, and when I found out that he lied to me and few other girls so that he can get "some"
we felt so violated, we locked him out of our friend groups.
But you assumed he's be your new gay best friend. When you make best friends, don't you usually figure out what they're interested, ie. are they checking out girls to date or boys? And it shouldn't really matter if he's not gay to you, unless you're interested in him sexually now that you know he's not gay, or you're feeling violated for some odd reason.
when you said tight clothes, I immediately thought of gabe saporta, who used to dress like a hipster. now he wears more formal clothes like a business man and is hot as hell either way
I'd be anything he wants
nevermind
anyway I usually think the guy is straight and find out later that he is gay more than this scenario.
I feel like people see you as the author to an article and immediately get their hate-face on. Relax on the rude, folks.
I've been assumed gay more times than I reckon I can remember. It doesn't bother me, though it has killed what I thought was budding romance before. C'est la vie. We can't win 'em all, can we?
Who said the guy even wanted to be best friends with you? LOL bet he was relieved that you backed down after months of dealing with you. "Yes scoreee, Jenn thought I was gay, now I got out of a possible best friends position with her, no more lame stories!"
This made me think of Kick-Ass.