Tuesday, 09 August 2011
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Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
So my boyfriend is in the military which he gets out of in a few weeks. But for the past couple of months, we had been planning out our future together as in... where we would live and we decided California because that’s where I'm from and where he has lived for the past 3 years. He found a great school out here but we also said I wouldn’t move in right away and we would wait a few months.But today I got a SHOCKINGtext saying, “Babe, I have bad news about the school. They won't accept my military credits and my mom texted me saying she needs me back in Indiana to help her out.” So of course me being me, I get upset and tell him, "How could you do this; just up and leave on me?" only to get another text from him saying, “I want you to come with me” but I told him I can't yet because I start school in a week and if I decide to go, it won't be until December when my semester is over. He says it's fine and that we won't be living out there long, only until he gets his mom situated.
I've never been to Indiana before.
But my question is, should I stay or should I go and leave all my friends and family behind?
If I choose not to go will I regret it? Will it ruin us? Will he find someone else while I'm still in Cali for four months?
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About the Author
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- From: Earika_Silver@xanga
- Name: Quotes_Pictures<3
- About Me: Hello, My name is Earika. Im 18 from cali, leaving to the air force in a few months.So I made this page because it keeps me busy durring the day and i love quotes and cute pictures. I love my boyfriend my family and friends. love shopping random road trips and hanging out with family & boyfriend. I could not imagine my life without texting.
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Comments (33)
I would say stay. If he finds someone else while he's in Indiana, he'd probably find someone else in California too. And you guys have been apart for a while now, so why would a little longer make that much of a difference?
You will regret it if you don't finish your education. Men come and go but not your education and it's best to get it while you are young now. Plus, like the person said above me, when if he finds someone else? You guys have been away from each other from some time so you probably are use to a long distance relationship by now.
i think you should show your support for him. i mean he did say it's only temporary..
I need substantially more information to provide adequate advice. That is all.
i mean you can go after your semester in dec
If you make the move you choose a relationship. If you don't, he may not forgive you. Finish the semester and transfer if you want everything to work out. Believe me when I say EVERYONE has to make sacrifices sometimes.
@SarahC0828@xanga - Well my boyfriend is 23 && im 18. y parents have loved him from day one and we spend majority of our free time together which isnt alot because like ive said he is sill in the military. While I was away for about a month he drove two hours to my house on weekend to hang out with my family and two hours back home. He also does that drive every weekend and our relationship is very strong. I love the guy && after talking to my parents about the situation they said go for it but id like to hear what other people think. I mean of couse my education and that is why i cant go right away and he is totally ok with that and he wants me to also look into colleges so i can transfer up there after the semester. What other info do you need to help me?
@vicdaily@xanga - Yes, I dont want to not go and regret "what if i went would we still be together"
Its just a scary transition like ive never lived with a guy i mean yea ive stayed places with him ive spend two weeks at his house and he spends the night on weekends at mine but its different lol. Thank you.
@Earika_Silver@xanga - Well, you can also rent your own apartment (in fact if you're still in school I'd recommend that). Living together is probably taking it up another notch.
Four months goes by quickly. Communicate EVERY SINGLE DAY, even if it's for five minutes. Also if you build anticipation to your move, that will help.
Indiana isn't too bad, especially if you go to a city. I actually like Indianapolis a fair amount. You're welcome and good luck :)
1) if you're scared that 4 months apart will mean him replacing you, you're either incredibly insecure or have a shit relationship. maybe both.
2) what the hell kind of man relays information like that over a text?
i wouldn't uproot my whole life to be with him for a few months, especially if you're already enrolled in college and plan to attend one semester there anyways. he needs to figure out what he can do to meet his half of his agreement with you. there are other schools in CA which will take his credits, i am sure - we have a damn lot of colleges here and most are friendly to military units, esp the CSU system.
if his mom really only needs temporary help, that is fine and he should get over there to make sure what needs to happen, happens. but why should you join him there? you already agreed to everything here and a few bumps don't mean you have to change everything drastically, IMO.
if you chose your college for a reason, like a strong major/program for you to study in, then you need to remember that you should stay enrolled in it. keep the bigger picture of your life in mind.
If he hadn't told you this news via TEXT MESSAGE I'd be more inclined to say wait it out and communicate what you both want.
He sent you a message via text message changing all your plans and asking you offhandedly to move to Indiana.
Also, you're in school and he's supposed to be back in four months? Tell him you'll see him when he gets back.
I think you should stay in California but the decision is ultimately yours. I do not know all the details, but judging from what I do know, it sounds like he is trying to break it off with you. I mean, a conversation like this should be at least over the phone rather than a text. Besides, he just found out that his military education credits aren't transferrable...AND his mom is calling him to come home? Coincidence or a quick "logical" way to slide out of the relationship, you decide. I agree with @haltija@xanga, there are plenty of schools that will accept his credits and the fact that you should make your decision to stay based on the grand scheme of life, that your choice is in tune with what you want out of life. You're young, you have dreams of your own to achieve.
Also, personally I wouldn't uproot my entire life unless I wanted to for me, OR if I am married to the man.
@haltija@xanga - 1. he is not a shitty boyfriend what so ever im just a girl who over thinks everything
2. umm a man that is incredibly busy because he is a crpl of the marine corps and was on duty for a 72 hour watch. So obviously one who needs to tell me something but obviously cant talk on the phone at that moment.
&& its not that fact that she is financially screwed its the fact that she actually needs him she is scared for her life there are alot of problems in their family and she has begged him to come help her. Its not that he isnt sticking to the plan he just needs to put it on hold for a while and has asked me to join him for a while and its not like i cant go to school out there for a while. relationships are about compromise.
&& reading your response has only made me realize why I love him. I love him because he cares about his mom and will do anything for her. maybe you havent heard the saying "you can judge a mans character by how he treats his mother." but that means alot to me because thats how i want him to treat me. We dont always get things how we planned in life, there are going to be bumps and turns in the road but i believe if you truley love someone you will stick by their side and enjoy the ride with them. && honestly by your response I realized I need to get out of Cali because the people here are so rude && self centered. So thanks for the advice but im going to Indiana to be with him because at the end of the day he is who matters most.
BTW just because im going there doesnt mean all my educational dreams are going to go down the drain lmao. General ed classes are fine from indiana too && when i get back to CALI i will do the rest of what i wanted to do.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - When he got the chance he called me and we did talk about everything and its not that he wanted to tell me via text its because he is very very busy in the marines and cant just pull out his phone and have a crazy long conversation when ever he feels like it. Its a life style that you honestly get used to && you start appreciating that he can even text durring the day.
&& no i wont be leaving till four months if i decide to go. which ive decided I am! he isnt sure how long his mom needs him i guess until they can get her situated somewhere else and help his dad get into therapy and such.
Look at the many factors and ask yourself what are your highest priorities.
Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:
1. How important is it that I start school now rather than later?
2. Is my relationship strong enough for a long distance relationship if this is the best step for OUR future? Can I do a long distance relationship?
3. Can I start school later? And is the transition from schools easy?
4. Does he plan on coming back to California? Would it not be financially beneficial if I stayed in California rather than go to Indiana AND THEN come back?
5. Is this a make it or break it decision? Are the only potential pathways I see is - I stay and our relationship potentially falls apart - or I go and my college career is pushed back?
Just know that this does not fall on emotions. Regret never comes from emotions, what really makes people regret is the logistical choices they made that screws them over in the future. I wish I started school a little earlier because I could then support my relationship now that we are engaged.
Me and my fiance talked about a long distance relationship knowing that it would be financially better. We even talked about the potential options, if I went with him whether or not transferring to the college would be easy or not (turns out it's not) and it would also be a waste of my time and money because I would be coming back to my hometown.
Also know how serious is this relationship. Good luck
Go to school. If you and him are meant to be then it will be.
@Earika_Silver@xanga - good luck with your move, and i hope everything works out for your boyfriend's mother.
ok i just want to clear everything up... NO MATTER WHERE I AM I WILL BE GOING TO SCHOOL!
I think your putting a little too much pressure on the situation. Your only 18 after all and what you want in life and your relationship is likely going to change.
If no one has told you yet, this is one the cardinal rules for college, NEVER TRANSFER OR GO SOMEWHERE JUST BECAUSE OF A RELATIONSHIP!!!!
Look, as the saying goes, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. I know, redundant and obvious but no less true. Your boyfriend clearly loves you and he wants to be make it work, stop panicking, it's only one more semester and he's even stated that the whole thing is temporary. There are hundreds of thousands of colleges out there, if he goes on collegboard I'm sure he can find something in the same state that's relatively close, that will accept his military credits. I actually find it pretty bizarre that the school didn't accept them, that's a bit of a rarity.
Furthermore, it's not like he's doing this on purpose or that he wanted this to happen. His mother wanted his help and he's being a good son and assisting her. It's not a personal attack against you, it's a family matter. Would you expect him to freak out if you missed quality time with him because your parents asked something of you?
In summary - Just breathe and relax. It'll all work out.
Don't ask for advice and just retort everything. They're telling you what you wanted to know. Stay in Cali and in school since you're already signed up. Either move to him after the semester or he'll move back. Don't overthink! It's the worst. If he feels the same about you, the way you feel about him then you have no worries about him finding someone new.
stay with him. Out here in the midwest, it's beautiful. Some may think it's boring, but I've been a WI girl all my life. He wants you to come with him, obviously he is in it for the long haul, and it's just not some lame excuse so he can have "other" girl friends. He wants you to be a part of his family. School....well that sucks and is a very difficult choice. I would go with him. A little exploring and seeing different lifestyles/ways of doing things/dialect is not a bad thing.
@Earika_Silver@xanga - My boyfriend's in the Navy and he still wouldn't talk about this via text message. I moved to a different state to get an apartment with him but that's because he's stationed here until Jan 2014.
But in your situation it sounds like he has no idea how long he'll be there taking care of his mother? And I'm not sure why he needs to help her "get situated" and he texted you this information instead of calling in the first place, AND he didn't say he wanted you to go with him until after you asked him why he was leaving you, so obviously all of the communication here is seriously lacking.It just seems like a lot of red flags to me.
@udontevenknow323@xanga - thank you, like this really helped && its finally something positive :}
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - kay well what does your boyfriend do in the NAVY? whats his ranking? Trust me my boyfriend is a great guy and He has 30 men working under him He was on a 72 hour duty which he is also being watched over even tho he has rank. So like i said he cant just talk on the phone when he wants trust me the marines are ALOT harder than any branch me being from the air force myself know this. So when he got the chance he called not only did he call but he skyped me to explain everything in depth and he was still on duty but made the choice to video chat because he knew i was stressed along with him. Im sure you wouldnt be thinking straight after being up for three days straight so obviously he just wanted to tell me what he could when he could and explain later which is not a big deal to me. && second text about me going with was apart of the first i just hadnt recieved it yet. && the reason he needs to HELP his MOTHER get situated is because his father is a DRUNK and being ABUSIVE toward her.
He sounds like a great guy. Stay and finish school. He'll be waiting for you :)