Monday, 08 August 2011
-
An Age Difference to Remember
Last night, I took one of my good friends, Nell, to dinner. She has a history of being the kind of girl who, under no circumstances, dates. She loves to be single and, even more than that, she loves to keep her sex life a secret from her friends and (especially) her family.We were most of the way through dinner when she dropped a nuclear bomb of a secret on me. "Dane, I'm only going to tell you this because I know of all of our friends you will judge me the least." At hearing this sentence, I'm thinking oh, great. She's about to tell me she's gay or something to that extent that I'm completely not expecting. Well, it was definitely something I wasn't expecting: she's seeing a guy who's 31. We're 20. Cue my deer-in-the-headlights face.
I took a deep breath and listened to her explain herself. When she was finished, I sat quietly analyzing the situation. There were a lot of things I could have said and certainly a lot of things our friends might have said. Instead, I realized that she's a big girl; she can see who she wants. Of course, as almost always, it's a case-by-case basis type of thing. Nell is one of the most mature and independent people I know. She has been for pretty much as long as I've known her. She doesn't take shit from anybody and she knows how to read a man's bullshit. She really likes this guy, which is rare for her.
I guess the bottom line here is this:
If Nell is happy, there's no reason why I should be judging her in this particular situation. She's not looking for anything serious and they've both mutually decided to see where the casual hanging out goes. If somewhere down the line, he tells her he doesn't want to see her anymore, she's already prepared: she'll move on just fine.
How would you react if one of your friends told you they're seeing someone 11 years their senior?
Would you ever date someone so much older or younger than you?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 82 Views: 0 280949 Comments: 0 2595 View all posts by TheDailyDane
Comments (55)
If she's happy and the guy she's dating is happy, then I see nothing wrong with it. I have some friends that have dated people much older (or younger) than them. Some times it works out, some times it doesn't. But hell, you can say that about dating in general.
I always seem to attract older people, but I look older, and I don't have a normal life, so I don't think it's a big deal. We're all deviants. The fact that Bob is 20 years older than me doesn't mean anything.
haha im nell. lol.
im 20 and just started seeing someone 31 as well. i felt an instant connection to him. very warm, amazing, like minded- he's a lot of what id want in a person so ill have to see where things go.
11 years difference is not that big of a stretch when they're both adults. There might be a few times they could have trouble relating to each other because of possible generation differences but if they're both mature people I'm sure they can handle it. Most people I've dated were older then me because people my age were too immature for me and it was too hard for us to connect. Even at 22 I still find that to be mostly true.
I can tell you how I did react. I was 19 when my then-19-yr-old-best-friend told me she was dating someone who was 33. I immediately told her that he can't be genuinely interested in her because at that age difference, there is something wrong with him. Now I don't think I would say the same thing nor be that harsh. Love just is.
My parents got married when my mom was in her early twenties. My dad was out of his first marriage with two sons: 10 and 11 years old. Parents have a 16 year age gap.
My boyfriend's sister is in her late twenties or early thirties and is carrying the son of her boyfriend, a man in his mid-forties who already has a 19 year old son and 21 year old daughter from a previous relationship/marriage. (He actually demanded that he meet her super religious parents after dating awhile to disspell any odd things they may think about him as a result of that "baggage".)
So long as both people are mature, consenting, and know what they want, age doesn't matter as much as it sounds like it should, especially to outsiders.
i would love to date someone way older than me! =D i have to imagine the sex is awesome and their stories intriguing. lol. who knows though, maybe its the same as someone around my age. i wouldnt date a younger guy unless i was waaaaay older because if i date a young guy right now, id be considered a pedo. lol. so no thanks.
No, no, no, no, no. If she was 30 and he was 41 I wouldn't care, but she's barely legal and she's going after someone that much older? Didn't she have enoguh love from daddy? Lol, j/k, but seriously in a relationship you want someone you can grow with and learn with, how are you going to do that with a 31 year old? They've been there and done that and it's no fun. What will you guys talk about? What will you guys have in common other than being alive?
I've liked both younger and older and it depends on the individual. I couldn't really relate or stand either of them because both were too immature. if there is no connection, then there isn't regardless of age.
Both of my friends recently got into relationships with guys who are younger than us. We are all 22 and one guy is 20 while the other is 19. The age gap is no where near as large as your friend and her boyfriend, but they both were still just as hesitant and worried to tell us since they were afraid we'd judge them for dating someone younger. I'll admit I was a bit surprised when I found out, especially when my friend said he had JUST turned 19. My initial reaction was, "Wait, so he graduated high school like last year?!" (I didn't say this out loud though, only in my head). Despite my opinion, the bottom line is that it's their life and is thus their decision who they want to date. What put my mind more at ease was when I finally met the guys and saw how well they treated my friends. And that's all I care about.
Personally, I'd rather go for older than younger guys. I don't know about 11 years older but, really, who knows what will happen these days?
When I was 19, I dated a 30-year-old. Then, when I was 20, I dated another 31-year-old. Age is just a number. If they treat each well, age doesn't matter.
I've dated guys around 17 years older than me, and was in a serious relationship with a guy 13 years older than me. I am currently VERY interested in someone that's about 25 years older than me.. but that's one sided. Sadly all the older guys I've dated were more immature than I was at the time and it didn't last. Age truly is JUST a number, it doesn't measure maturity level or ones value. Just how long they've been alive.
i'd approve of my friend building her little love nest! why not, after a while age really doesn't have that big of an impact on most people anymore. and if it didn't work out, well you know what they say, you win some you lose some!
In Asia they do this all the time.
I'm not sure if I would be able to date someone that much older than me, but then again, I've never been in that kind of situation. Though I've dated someone ~5 years older than me, but that was awhile ago lol. I don't remember what I ever saw in him -__-.
When I was 20, I had a severe attraction to a guy 12 years older than me. He looked rather young, was a former Marine, and was quite charming. He actually ended up setting me up with someone my age though. :p
I have a thing going on with a guy 6 years older... Sometimes it makes me a little weary, but when it comes down to it.. He's amazing, and I barely notice the age difference.
uh my dad's 12 years my mom's senior.
my best friend's bf is 45, shes 25.
my cousin dated a guy who's 20 years her senior too.
i dont know, doesnt really bother me. it's pretty common.
then again im asian *shrugs* but it's true, as long as they are happy with each other, it really doesn't matter what everyone thinks.
When
I
was30, started dating a girl of 17.Two years later, we got married.We live eight
years together.We haven't any problem depending on the age difference.
I
don't speak english very well, sorry.
If they are both adults, then age itself is not necessarily a problem. There might be a problem if they are at radically different places in their lives- he wants to settle down, she wants to party, etc. If they want the same things, then I don't see why there would be an issue.
Now. If you said that a 26 year old was interested in a 15 year old- that is a problem.
She's an adult, she knows what she's doing.
I think I might be a little shocked, but I trust that my friend knows what he/she is doing dating someone significantly older/younger than him/her. After all age is just a number, maturity and wisdom cannot be measured by number of years alive. If both your friend and her date agree on the type of relatioship they are having, I don't see any problem of them dating.
3 years difference and sometimes it's very noticeable. I can't imagine a greater difference.
Before I met my husband, I would have told you the age difference is ridiculous but I'm 22 and Hubby's 31. We're perfect <33