Monday, 08 August 2011
-
Public Displays of Affection: Spain vs. U.S.A
It's funny because before I ever went to Spain I used to hate hate HATE PDA. I always found it to be really awkward. I never really hated on people who did as much (just annoyed me a little), but I, myself, could never bring myself to do it, and I mean like even the simplest things like holding hands.
I'm not as O.D about it now to the point of holding hands, but I still don't feel that comfortable about it, and I think I know why.
Location, location, location. Sounds dumb, right? I was a lot more relaxed about PDA while I was studying abroad in Spain. No one really knew me so I didn't really care who was judging or who was not. I wasn't worried about running into someone.
Here, at home, I run into the world.
It may be in the neighborhood, in Manhattan, in the mall, or even at the beach! It never stops. I shouldn't care if I run into someone, but I hate when people know about my life. People talk, and gossip travels fast and that just bugs me when I know people draw conclusions.
The thing is that in American culture PDA is awkward because affection has usually been taught to be a private and intimate thing so when we publicize it, we are sharing our affection with everyone else. In Spain, this is viewed as beautiful.
It’s beautiful to be on top of your lover practically having sex with clothes on sitting on a park bench. It’s beautiful to be making out passionately on the corners of streets. It’s beautiful because these people are in love and they feel so free and happy about it.
Recently I practiced what was acceptable in Spain over here in NYC in a local park. All I did was sit side by side with my guy with my legs lying on his knees and kissed him at 8 pm.
What happened within 5 minutes of that? A man passed by and started yelling at us. "Excuse me! Excuse me! That is very inappropriate what you are doing! This is a children's park. If you want to go do that, go to a hotel! If I see you here still doing that when I come back, I'm going to call the police!"
That was a bit extreme. We were just kissing! Jesus Christ! This guy had a bitch fit over it. Yes, it’s a park, but we weren’t in the children’s area of it either. Meanwhile he's with his kid and I'm thinking, you know you had to do what we are doing to have the kid you're holding hands with who are the reason why you're even in this park right now, right? Ugh.
I personally still can't define where I stand exactly on the subject... whether I accept it or don't, whether I like it or not, but in the meantime I'll keep practicing it until I know what’s good enough for me.
Are Americans that uptight about it that we have invented an acronym for it? Are both cultures two different extremes? Is there a happy medium?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 28 Views: 0 71037 Comments: 0 652 View all posts by savyadvice
Comments (17)
No matter where you are, I think that there's a sense of dignity that you should maintain while in public. Sex is a private matter. I don't see anything wrong with making out, holding hands, cuddling, etc. It's sweet! But at the point where people are slobbering over each other's faces and groping each others' genitalia, it's indecent. Nobody wants to see that.
Sure everyone has sex and it's necessary for reproduction, but that doesn't mean you need to show it off to the world. The dude you were talking about did have to have sex to have his kid, but he probably did it in the privacy of his bedroom.
Our cultures are different and we have to learn to appreciate it. There is nothing wrong about intimacy being more private or public. Simply our customs are different.
It's just as sexy to show PDA as it is to have a romantic little secret.
America sucks for that compared to many countries.
in shanghai people basically make out with each other everywhereeeeeeeeeeee.
From what it sounds like, you guys weren't even doing anything that obnoxious in terms of PDA.
Maybe he just hadn't gotten any in a while...I don't have kids, but if I was a parent, I would probably react the same harsh way to protect my child's eyes>_< and I want to avoid the sex and other questions to maintain my child's innocence as long as possible even though it is inevitable
if I was in love with my bf, I probably couldn't keep my hands and kisses off of him
however, legs lying on his knees is almost like sitting on his lap, so I can see why he thought it was inappropriate even though it was the evening. I've seen worse but I see both sides and I don't blame him for his reaction yet it wasn't that big of a deal, not like you were making out for an entire 5-10 minutes and slobbering all over each other
it depends on what type of pda.
The thing about PDA is that its always about the time and place. I always giggle or hide behind my hands going "Uwaaaaaaaaaaah" but its not like I can make someone stop.
I don't know about Spain but I think that America is definitely not too shelled up >.> thats for sure.
Well, it was a children's park right?
Also, NYC people can be the most open minded bunch but also the greatest prudes. Depends on who you meet, at what time, and what location. Try the Bay Area in California, much more chillax about PDA
Too many people in America have a couple of sticks up their ass. I'd rather my kids see a couple with their legs intertwined and a sweet kiss than a bar fight. But I reckon, in this case I don't have that stick up my ass.
OH NO! TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE? touching each other?
that's practically pornography!
Lock you guys up for two years in solitary with the murderers and rapists.
That'll learn ya!
I really wish people in the US would quit being so uptight. It's ridiculous. Oh no, people kissing, my God the world will end if we let that keep going on.
I would definitely consider that a cultural thing. In Spain and other similar countries people are just more open with their bodies, sexuality, affection, etc. Take Brazil for instance, you'll see sons walking down the street arm in arm with their mothers. How often do you see something like that in the U.S.? I'm sure people would even gawk or be baffled by that.
Personally, I love performing PDA. I'm not saying I'm going to eat someone's face but I enjoy the hugs, the light kissing, hand holding, arms wrapped around each others hips or waists, etc. But then again I'm also the hopelessly romantic type and I'm into anything that displays affection, admiration, love, romance, etc. etc.
I doubt I would ever go as far as that guy did. I'd much rather have a child see a happy relationship than half of the useless or negative events that openly occur throughout the day. But...if people are starting to dry hump each other and my child and I have were going to have to sit there, or if it's a playground, I'm probably going to say something. Not an explosion of rage but a calm, "Hey, it's great that you two love each other but could just tone it down a notch. There's kids around."
As for the people who see a couple just simply kiss each other in public and have to immediately turn there head away and shake it, let's just agree to disagree. But I will say, why not proudly display that your with that person? I'm not saying make it the statement of the century, but have fun with it and who cares if other people do it.
haahahha! que engraçado!
Moralismo exagerado é uma hipocrisia!
Por que crianças não devem ver "PDA" (muito engraçado existir uma sigla para isso!!!)?
Por que carinho ou sexo devam ser escondidos / ocultados?
O que significa inocencia?
rsrsrss... sim, as culturas são muito diferentes. No entanto, eu aprecio mais uma cultura que não esconde nada de ninguém. heheheh..
haahahha! what fun!
Morality is too much hypocrisy!
Why children should not see "PDA" (very funny that there is an acronym for !!!)?
Why love or sex should be hidden?
What does "innocence"?
rsrsrss ... yes, the cultures are very different. However, I appreciate more a culture that does not hide anything from anyone. heheheh ..
If people don't like PDA, that's their tough feces. Deal with it.
Same situation here in Britain. You hardly ever see someone kiss someone else in the street during the day. At night, well, that is a different story...
my husband and i are never excessive in our pda- hugs when we see each other, we hold hands all the time, light/quick kisses (rarely even on the lips, not for any particular reason, that's just kind of how it happens when we're on the go). but i know we still get dirty looks from some people and stupid kids (middle school to early high school) who giggle to each other and audibly imply vulgar things thinking that no one notices or can hear them even though they're only like ten feet from us and being pretty loud and obvious @-@ it makes me angry that if we were just 10 years older, i know we wouldn't get the same negative attention. at the end of the day, it's annoying, but it can't even hold a candle to the shining light that is my marriage, so i just try not to dwell on it :] bitterness for its own sake is a waste of life. as for your example, that seems like a total overreaction. it really doesn't sound like you were doing anything excessive at all @-@
PDA here is only allowed if you are married to the person and that within boundaries! Kissing but not like overly passionate and holding hands is ok. Other than that, do it at your own risk.
I honestly prefer this than to be sitting in a park while two people are almost doing it beside me. :S for the record I never would say anything, just move to a different spot. xD
No, I think I learnt to appreciate that here, people keep things private and it's kind of nice too :) But then again, I'm not a teenager anymore...The other day I was stuck in traffic and this cute couple was flirting :) They never kissed but you could tell they liked each other, they laughed and lightly touched hands and pulled away when they got too close.
Love is love and it's so cute to see people in love ^^