Sunday, 07 August 2011
-
Confidence is a Virtue, Not A Vice
I usually get attacked or criticized for being my usual confident self. But, the thing is, I'm not really sure why everyone has such a problem with confidence. When I meet someone who is happy with how they look or who they are, I take an instant liking to them.
Some of my "fans" left comments inquiring whether or not I get angry when negativity and anger is aimed at me. The answer to that question is "no." My mother always told me that when someone is trying to pick a fight with me, I should walk the other way.
In this case, I simply click the other way. Because there are always going to be people who dislike you and there are always going to be people who don't necessarily dislike you, but they have such self-loathing that they project their hatred onto you because...you're there.
This, my friends and frenemies, should never hinder your confidence. Lady Gaga bans ice from her concerts because she's afraid crazed people will throw it at her. Does she stop her career? No! She gets crazier! I relate to her oh so much, fans.
I find this exact confidence to be an insanely attractive quality on both a guy and a girl (hmm, maybe that's why I love myself so much? ;)). I'm not saying someone has to kiss their mirror or anything (although I am totally guilty of this), but it's nice to see someone who appreciates and takes care of themselves.
I would take someone constantly speaking highly of themselves over someone always complaining about the way they look, eat, suck, any day of the week.
The fact that the word confidence is so often substituted for a different, less positive word – cockiness – is baffling to me. If you look good in a new dress or hair cut, is it so wrong to say so? According to most people it is.
But tell me, why is complimenting a new car considered to be different and more acceptable?
Look, I've been on the other side of the railroad tracks. I have the mild scoliosis to prove it. I have to work on holding my back as straight up as my personality would suggest it should be every day. I know what it was like to feel like an outcast and uncool and "unpretty."
But one day you just have to snap out of it, and instead of hating on yourself and everyone who you consider to be better than you, work on fixing your confidence level. Smile a little more, walk in the sun, treat yourself to a spa treatment and an ice cream cone.
You will feel better about yourself, your life, and those in it (personally and virtually). Remember, me being pretty and confident does not make you feel bad about yourself – that is all on you, my friend.Do you view confidence as cockiness? Why or why not?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Jenn
- About Me: I have been on more bad dates than I have fingers and toes to count on -- and I'm only in my early twenties! I laugh when I watch 'Sex & the City,' because I've had so many dysfunctional relationships that they might as well as made me their 5th friend. Even so, I used to love going on dates with different guys (now I only let one guy take me out on dates), eating great food, and talking on the phone until 3AM. I never did get over the idea that a guy should treat a girl like a princess -- even if I've encountered one too many frogs.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 60 Views: 0 364374 Comments: 0 4937 View all posts by Jenn
Comments (46)
Confidence is good to have without a doubt. rubbing it in peoples faces, thats when it becomes cockiness. and no one wants someone to act penisy to them. but i tip my hat to you on one point you mentioned; This is the web, and the web has twice as many people on here than in the real world because of moods and thoughts expressed, someone, somewhere is going to disagree. and like you, i too say this,
Live with it. I say go with confidence.
Cockiness and confidence are not synonyms.
confidence: feeling or showing certainty about something.
cockiness: offensive boldness and assertiveness.
Behold, the power of Google.
I think most of your 'fans' actually know the difference between these two words, and as such, apply the most appropriate one to the way your portray yourself through your writing. I'll give you a hint about which one it is: it is not 'confident'.
Confidence is wonderful, and I sincerely hope everyone feels that way. Cockiness is another ballgame entirely.
There's a difference between confidence and cockiness. I honestly think people have been rude to you on here because you seem to be a rude character in your stories - and that's really how you seem. Like a character. I think most people probably didn't/don't think that you could really have the attitude you do.
Personally the only articles I like of yours are the ones on Ireallylikefood because I also, really like food.
Also honestly all this stuff about self-loathing and thinking people are better than you seems to actually be at the root of your problems with other people. It just seems like you're the type of person who thinks the shoes you're wearing or the purse you carry or your face defines you. You talked about how you scanned the room to make sure you were the prettiest girl at prom, and you expect guys to call you pretty instead of cute, and I think you forgot to worry about things that really matter like how you come across PERSONALLY to other people. I've seen plenty of attractive people who immediately dropped straight into the ugly I-would-never-date-that-person-or-even-be-FRIENDS-with-that-person zone the minute they opened their mouths and started being rude.I think most of your articles on datingish have made you seem not so much confident as completely disrespectful to people that you were dating (or flight attendants who weren't attractive enough)...without even realizing it. Which makes it like a million times worse.
If you're going to completely disregard other people's feelings, own it and admit it. But don't be like, I feel like everyone needs to be attractive and I can cheat on my boyfriends and hurt their feelings, but random strangers on the internet should be nice to me.
I don't see you as being confident when I read your posts, you come across as rude, materialistic and cocky. I think you have low self-esteem and try and write like you're a confident person. So what if it doesn't hurt your feelings about being attacked over the internet? It doesn't mean you're confident, it just means you don't take the insults seriously because they're not being said to your face,
the guys that I've been drawn to were cocky and boasted about their accomplishments, which I don't have a big problem with, because I like their go-getter attitude. there's a difference between boasting about physical appearance versus actual talent/intelligence to attain actual success and if the person has it all, then it is all good, but it mainly annoys me when the main thing going for them is superficial. if he/she has other things to back it up, then alrighty. I tend to like people, who continuously improve themselves and don't settle for being average. sometimes they don't just boast, but they are their worst critic and use that as motivation as room for improvement, which is the perfectionist attitude that I can relate to. people have different perspectives and goals and various things that they are drawn to,etc. I'd have to personally talk to the person to determine if he/she is cocky or confident. sometimes I think being the anti-cocky or humble can seem cocky in a way, too, because they try too hard to go against everything popular as if they are better. it depends.
There's a difference between being confident and using what you look like to feel confident. I don't generally appreciate people who use their looks (or the looks of others ) to determine their confidence level. I prefer to boost my own confidence by being a kind person, not by applying mascara. I would boost my own confidence by kissing the "ugly" guy and showing that personality matters more than looks.
Confidence should come from within... not from clothes, makeup and hair. While outward appearance can boost confidence, it shouldn't be the main factor, IMO. So, yes I view confidence boosted by simply appearance to be cocky! Because I place little importance on looks.
I think confidence is great, but there is a point where one can become over confident and it definitely comes across as cockiness.
I agree with @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - as well.
lol.
That's all I really have to say.
"Because there are always going to be people who dislike you and there are always going to be people who don't necessarily dislike you, but they have such self-loathing that they project their hatred onto you because...you're there."
I agree that there will always be people who will dislike you and such, but I dislike you not because I loath myself. It's because in your writing, you portray yourself as someone who is cocky, materialistic, self-absorbed, and rude. I admire confidence coming from any person and I really don't see it in you. However, I do enjoy reading some of your IReallyLikeFood posts a lot more than the ones you contributed to Datingish.
Uh kissing your own mirror.. that's quite nice to know.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Great comment!
arrogant. that would be my word for you. not confident or cocky, but arrogant. which is awful. you need the name brands, you need to feel like you are the best looking person, like you are superior to everyone. your bday is the most important day of the year remember? -_- you need every guy to love you. you think its ok to give out your numbers to guys when youre in a relationship. you can do no wrong. youre your own princess. fuck that. youre pretty awful.
Lmao, the comments were a better read than the actual post :D
Remember though, in order to be successful in a relationship, you have to be cocky AND funny; not just one or the other. A regular on here named coffee_kaioken hates it when I say that, but it's true.
Love you, BB <3
There's a huge difference between being confident and being a vapid narcissist. In every post you've written, you've always come off as a high-maintenance snob, always looking for the next best thing, and never satisfied with what you already have. THAT'S what people hate about you.
And lol, you really think having mild scoliosis puts you on "the other side of the tracks"? Please. This is EXACTLY my point. I'd hate to see what you consider people who are horribly scarred, disfigured, or otherwise.
There are way too many armchair lifestyle critics here on Xanga. Â
@Jenn@xanga : I agree
haters gonna hate and life goes on.
people hate it when someone feels good about themselves..
always trying to pull you down to be as miserable as they are...
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga
Cool attitude!
In every single one of your posts, you are always ragging on someone to one up yourself. That's not being confident. That's being incredibly insecure. Not one post have I read of yours, do you have a nice attitude toward the situation you're in, instead you're always looking around the room to call someone ugly.
You think people should doll themselves up with make up to be "confident" when I also think you are being insecure. Yes, people can wear make up to cover up a few pimples whatnot, but you promote that people should always wear make up. No. A true confident person, is a plain jane who doesn't need all the accessories, name brands, etc. you mentioned.
You have no idea what it's like on the other side of the fence. Are you going to actually respond to the comments this time or just make a blog and have no response?
I still find it funny that some people are sitting here still worshipping you as usual and you don't even give them the time of day . You're giving more attention to the hate comments than them, hahahahhaa. I wonder when they will get a clue about you, LOL. It's even funnier when people are all about you and your "wit" and you don't acknowledge them one bit except for maybe one line in this post.
I don't think you know what confidence actually is, because you think scamming the room to make sure you're the "prettiest" girl there makes you secure, when in actuality it doesn't. You like to think you can preach about confidence but really, you have extreme issues to always be ragging on someone else's looks to one up yourself. and that is not confidence. that is being arrogant as was stated previously. A truly confident person is one who would have a great time at prom and not care what anyone else thinks, not look to see if you're the "prettiest" girl there.
Instead of changing your tone to be "nicer," you still brag that you're "confident" to justify your writing attitude. SMFH.
I can't stand people like you who always use the excuse, I'm not a bitch I'm "confident." It's okay to say that, however, you use that reasoning in EVERY one of your posts and it gets old, lol.
Just because you say you're not trying to be conceited doesn't mean you aren't. Dropping name brands like there's no tomorrow? lmao.
Who are you to preach about confidence when you can't even face the delivery boy in your own home without caking on a face of make up in 20 seconds? Boy are you ever insecure about your natural looks, lol. If someone sees me looking like crap oh well. I couldn't care less especially because it's in my own house. i'm not gonna take 5 minutes to put on make up just for one person who's leaving in less than a second.
I can see that you're confident, but that doesn't give you the right to tear down those who you consider less fortunate. Yes, feel beautiful and smart and desired, but don't use what you think you have as an excuse to look down on others. Feeling confident and beautiful is so hard for some women and you prancing around telling them how much better you are and how everyone should be more like you only makes it harder. When you do that, your confidence comes off as haughtiness.
Just by reading the first paragraph I already know it must be you Jenn. lol
It's so predictable. I agree with most people here.
1. It's a fine line between confidence and arrogance/cockiness but there is a difference.
2. You sounded so insecure in this post.
I don't know if you are for real or you are just writing like this to get a response but man you are pretty annoying. I'm not saying this because I want to be nasty or because I'm a sad, self-loathing person :D lol.
I wouldn't normally reply to your posts but it's getting quite ridiculous now. If you are for real, you really should listen to what people here are saying and re-access your attitude. You cannot assume that everyone who disagrees with you is a hater.
I would also like to request Lovelyish team (I believe there is one) to consider talking to Jenn because I am really not enjoying her posts. I'm sure most people will agree with me here.
@AngryNuclearRabbit@xanga - Agreed. There's only a select few who's into her arrogant writing.
Haha, us self-loathing? If anyone's self-loathing, it's Jenn, that's why she can't even stand for the delivery boy to see her natural looks in her natural habitat. She's gotta hide her coach shoes and smash on some make-up for someone who's just leaving.
You aren't confident. You are the exact opposite of confident. In every post, I also notice the way you rag on people wearing too much make up also describes yourself. Have you looked in the mirror lately? For someone who is always all about looking at yourself, I'm surprised you haven't noticed that you're wearing too much make up. The way you bash people who make stupid remarks so you end up breaking up with them over it, I've seen you make even dumber remarks. This whole blog post describes you, the insecure part. You even complain about people being prettier than you.
You do not walk high, you are always propping yourself up through other people who you think are lower than you. That's not confidence at all.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - @Grtt@xanga - Furthermore, confident people don't have to actually state that they're confident. They just know they are and act accordingly.
In addition to the above, confident people don't go around attempting to impose their superficial and immature belief system and virtues upon other people.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - While I agree with the points you make I wouldn't go as far as to say that this poster possesses any semblance of confidence, she has a minimal grasp of what those concepts and terms are. She's just immensely superficial and ignorant, there's no value or belief system in place. It's just a thick surface layer that's the equivalent to "Hater's Gonna Hate" draped over a terribly insecure child pleading for attention.
The only reason this person is still getting posted is because her posts get views due to controversy not because they have any legitimate substance, creativity, or any semblance of intelligence that might benefit the reader. So from now if you see her name by the post, could people not even bother to click on it? The less views she gets, the less posts will make it through and eventually we'll done with this babbling, immature nonsense.
Seriously, do you lack that little internal filter that tells you that maybe you should pause for a moment and really think about what is about to come bursting forth from that mouth of yours? Or are you really just that clueless?
With that in mind, I'd like to mention that I've read a bunch of Jenn's posts and I will say that though I can see why a lot of people give her garbage about her writing, sometimes I really don't get it. I noticed that plenty of people bitched over various posts of hers for many different reasons. However, I also have read some of her posts that did not demonstrate the same attitude that people were so offended by, and yet the same people still managed to nit pick her writing as if looking for any slight opportunity to bash her. It all just turned out to be so childish. I mean, I get the retaliation of the offended and everything, but when she writes a different kind of post and you're still bitching about the last one or are just straight up trying to insult her, I can't help but feel like now you're just being a hypocrite. You call her out on insulting people and putting others down, and yet you're doing it yourself. On posts that had nothing to do with putting other people down, people actually still managed to leave comments about her looks or some other form of insult that stemmed from a previous post. I'm pretty sure you can manage to articulate your thoughts in a more civil manner. Perhaps a response that actually has to do with the post itself, for example; instead of just degrading to the lowest form of insult by debasing her looks or dwelling on some previous post that offended you. Don't get me wrong, by reading Jenn's writing I can clearly tell she wouldn't be someone I would associate myself with(no offense to her really, she just doesn't come off as a girl I'd hang out with), but I just don't understand some of these responses. People can't seem to move pass previous posts and will look for any reason to leave a negative comment. Seriously, she could probably write about a shitty day at work or her car breaking down, not involve anything about her looks or guys, and people would actually fucking just comment on how she deserved it. I guess the points I'm trying to make here are thus: you can't make everyone happy, avoid hypocrisy, and try to lighten up a bit.
Hahaha, you’re finally back! :) your posts are always so entertaining.