Saturday, 06 August 2011
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Is It Cheating?
So, my friend, we'll call her Cindy. She's been going out with this guy, we'll call him Kevin. She is also involved with another guy, and we will call him Tyler.
A while back, Cindy was on the bus ride home when she noticed Tyler. She admitted to a friend on the bus that she liked him. This friend encouraged Cindy to make a move on Tyler, which she did. They started flirting and she would kiss him on the cheek before she got off the bus.
She started to like Kevin before she had even given Tyler a thought. Weeks after things with Tyler started, Kevin admitted to liking Cindy. She decided to go out with him, and they are now official.
The days and weeks following Kevin and Cindy's first date, her and Tyler kicked it up as well. She started to kiss him on the lips and has admitted to liking it too. Also, Tyler does and deals drugs. For this reason, and because she likes Kevin more, she knows she doesn't want to go out with Tyler.
She confided this in me following these events, as the first to know, and from my knowledge out of two. She has admitted to leaving details out, worried that I would act on her actions or go to someone about it.
However, she doesn't think it is cheating. She thinks because she is not official with both guys that it is not considered cheating. My point of view is that she is emotionally and physically with two different guys, they both don't know about the other, and she is with Kevin.
So, why am I telling you this? I want some help.
Where do you draw the line for cheating? Who do you think is right? If I am right, how can I get her to see my view, without losing the trust that she has in me? How do I get her to stop? Should I tell Kevin?
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- From: smorrisey@xanga
- Name: smorrisey
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Comments (19)
If she's exclusive with Kevin, she needs to stop this business with Tyler along before it goes too far. If she's started an official relationship than she needs to stop stringing along other dudes.
That's exactly what I would tell her.
If she's just dating around than Kevin and she need to be on the same page, because maybe he thinks it's an exclusive relationship.
I would say no but when I was a yound person dating we didn't date just one person at a time until we started going steady and we were pinned or wore his class ring WOW that rells my age and was usually the first step to engagement but things are so different now...so I would say it is what ever she thinks it is
@SisterMae@xanga - a golden time in dating history. That sounded wonderful. Thank you.
Is it cheating?
Does it matter?
The real question is: Is the mature enough for a relationship?
Answer?
Hahahaha. No.
Where do I draw the line for cheating? No cheating of any type AT ALL! That includes: physical, emotional, mental, etc.
Who do I think is right? You. She is obviously cheating. Whether she wants to admit it or not. You say she lefts out details so you wouldn't go to anyone about it? That means she thinks it's cheating too, she just doesn't admit it.
If you're right how can you get her to see things your way? You can't. Sorry. It sounds like she already has her mind made up. I think she knows she's cheating. But, I don't think there's anything you can do or say to get her to REALLY SEE what she's doing, to herself and these two guys.
Should you tell Kevin? Part of me says yes. But part of me also wants to say stay out of it. Either way someone is going to get hurt.
@SisterMae@xanga - She is technically going steady with Kevin. She's "with", or official with, him. She's just not official with both of the guys. At least, that's what I read.
Unless she's agreed to an exclusive relationship (official and exclusive aren't necessarily the same thing), I don't think she's technically cheating. That said, what she's doing is immature and disrespectful to both of them. If she can't tell them what she's doing, something is wrong... in this case, she's doing something wrong.
EXCLUSIVITY TALK!
Otherwise we can't judge this situation. Cheating, for me, is doing anything with someone else which you wouldn't want your SO to find out about.
Although what she is doing is emotionally messing with these guys it does not count as cheating if she isn't exclusive with either. It's still wrong in a different sense, but it's not cheating.
Reminds me of an episode from FRIENDS where Phoebe is going out with a firefighter and also a teacher and they don't know about each other. Except Kevin probably thinks the relationship is exclusive, so imo it sounds like your friend is cheating. Tell your friend to just pick one, dammit! This can only end badly if she keeps stringing both guys along.
You said they were on the bus which leads me to believe that they are under the age of 17. She isn't dating either one, so no it's not cheating... but it's still a crappy thing to lead both boys on.
But then again, it's high school. 99.9% of things kids do are crappy.she wants to be with kevin but does not want to let go of the drug dealer, tyler's, sweet kisses. she isn't cheating per se, but she likes the attention of both and is stringing both of them along. she's a player.
It isn't cheating IMO, because they aren't exclusive, more on just a dating plane. However, it doesn't clear up the fact that the guys don't know about each other which will DEFINITELY lead to problems and misunderstanding. So it's wrong in other ways.
Btw, I had this happen to me, although not as juvenile. I was single and was dating two single guys for a while and they both knew about the other and knew that it wasn't anything serious, just dating (no sleeping with). No problems when everyone's a mature adult.
Lets just face it, everyone sucks. They suck at caring for other people. They suck at EVERYTHING. and that's that.
She's cheating if she's exclusive with someone... and you should talk to her or tell the guys what she's doing. It's not fair to either of them.
I feel sorry for the guys
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. It is cheating, you said it yourself, it's official with Kevin, that means exclusive. I feel that in the department of romance, as much as it pains you, your friend has to learn her lesson the hard way. Unless, she's being abused, but that's a different story. Most people won't listen to advices and all you end up is getting a headache from it. Let her run, she'll come to her senses. The best thing you can do is be there for her when she does.
If she is doing something with someone else that she is not comfortable doing it in front of the other person, it's cheating. However, she's going to do what she wants and there really isn't a way for you to convince her. She wants to see and believe in what is convenience. Let her bricks fall down as it may and perhaps she will learn from it.