Friday, 05 August 2011
-
Cheating is Circumstantial!
Last week, I wrote a post called 20 Reasons to Say “See Ya, Bye!” and in it I referenced that if someone cheats on you and then makes you feel like it’s your fault, you might want to consider breaking up with them. One of the Datingish followers, mL4ever928@xanga, made a comment that stirred some thought for me regarding cheaters. For the first time, I wondered is cheating circumstantial?Perhaps, cheating can be situational. I still find, though, that under basically no circumstance is it acceptable. Cheating seems to me that it is a case-by-case basis and many people claim that the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” is true. How can we be so sure?
If you are someone who refuses to date a cheater, how would you feel if the person you’re into has an SO. He/she falls for you in return, cheats on the SO with you, and then proceeds to break it off for you. Would you date someone like that? Many people would say yes because the person did it for you and thus it’s okay. Some people question the integrity of the cheater, though. What makes you think they won’t find someone they like better than you and do it all over again? Is it a vicious cycle?
Some of us might be serial cheaters while others might cheat once and only once. The rare bunch may not cheat at all. For each of us, it’s different and for each of us we think about it differently.
How do you think about cheating? Is it acceptable to you? Have you ever cheated or been cheated? If so, what were the circumstances?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 82 Views: 0 280949 Comments: 0 2595 View all posts by TheDailyDane
Comments (16)
I would not want to be with someone who had treated someone else so lowly.
I've never cheated. I don't see the point. If I was in a relationship and wanted someone else I'd have the guts and the strength of character to be open about it to those concerned. I wouldn't want a cheater in my life either. It's not the sexual act itself I'd have a problem with it's the weakness of their character, the dishonesty and the lack of self control are the things I'd have issues with.
It's not acceptable but it truly is situational when it comes to whether you want to continue dating or not. I've cheated and I was cheated on. But most of that happened when I was much younger and didn't take people's feelings seriously to be totally blunt. It's no excuse but does it mean that I'm going to cheat on every person I end up with? Of course not. Especially since after all that I've been in a relationship for 6 years without any cheating despite all that we have been through together. There is no way to know for sure. Love, with or without the cheating involved, is a complicated thing that always has a chance at fucking up one way or another. It's up to the individual and what they see as forgivable behavior in their personal situation.
I cheated on one of my exes because he was a psycho. I was pretty much afraid to break up with him because he was so emotionally/verbally abusive. I was only 19 then and dating someone 4 years older.
He was already trying to say we were going to get married when I had been dating him for a month! I told him I don't want kids and he said something along the line of an ultimatum. One night, I was so fed up with his crap I got all of my stuff together and left his apt while he was asleep. Didn't text him for over 2 weeks, during which time I was talking to other guys, and then he finally dumped me through text.
I think really, when you lose respect for someone so much that you find them detestable, you should just break it off rather than cheat. Sometimes it's not that easy.
Personally, I find forgiveness pointless if it's saved for only small hurts and things that would be forgotten in a year. When it really serves its purpose is if you forgive for something that you'll never forget, that nearly breaks you. Cheaters should be forgiven, I think.
I have been cheated on once and I ended up forgiving my partner. It actually opened the door to talk about some fairly deep problems in our relationship that were bad enough that cheating was his only option.
The thing is, cheaters aren't deliberately being hurtful. They cheat for a reason, and I think it's the responsibility of the cheater's partner to figure out the reason and react to that instead.
I would not want to be with someone under the circumstance you described. I broke up with my first bf to get with my second, (didn't cheat, but it's a similar idea) and then I ended up doing the same thing to the second bf. I think it can be situational, but it can also just be the person.
I started falling for my current boyfriend while I was with my ex (who was an emotionally abusive ass), eventually cheated with my current bf while I was drunk and broke it off with the ex to be with him. We've now been together almost three years, and the thought of cheating on him has NEVER crossed my mind. Sometimes, the person who is cheated on IS at least partially to blame. My ex made me last priority, didn't give a shit about my feelings, and put me down constantly...meanwhile, I was hanging out with a really sweet guy who treated me with respect. My ex made it EASY for me to fall for someone else, and I'm sorry, but I don't regret anything that happened, and I don't feel sorry for my ex at all. In fact, I hope he learned not to treat his next girlfriend like scum.
I hate the phrase, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It's NOT that simple.
Also, if you're in a relationship (NOT married, that would make things just a bit more complicated) and you find someone that you have a better connection with, it actually is perfectly ok to break off your relationship and be with them, contrary to popular belief. Either party in a relationship has every right to end it at any time if they are no longer happy. I don't know why so many people think it's practically a criminal offense to end a relationship. >.< Should I have married my ex out of obligation and been miserable forever, despite having found another person with whom I had an amazing connection? Of course not!
I dated my ex who cheated on her previous to be with me. It was already a crumbling relationship. Then she cheated on me, because we dated for almost 4 years and she felt it becoming stale. So she cheated on me for a couple weeks and then broke it off with me. Because of her, I feel that once a cheater, always a cheater. And I go with the advice to never date soemone who breaks up with their current SO for you.
I think people cheat because their current relationship is either stale or crumbling and they are looking for someone new to replace it. They won't breakup until someone better comes along, and I feel that is the pussy way out of a relationship. Or they cheat because they are missing something in their relationship (ie. sex, affection, etc)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o95oXGQW1Ug
Applicable song and thanks again for the post!Cheating isn't acceptable in any situation. You cheat on me, I dump you. The end.
Nike Dunk SB Shoes
Nike air Yeezy shoes
Nike air max shoes
Nike Air Shox shoes
Nike soccer shoes
Nike air force one shoes
Cole haan Fashion
Gucci sneakers
Prada shoes
Supra shoes
RADII Footwear
Louis Vuitton shoes
Christian Louboutin shoes
No matter the circumstance, cheating is cheating. They make a conscious decision to do what they do. I had an ex tell me once that because they didn't physically do anything (it was a long distance thing) and because they never even met that technically it wasn't cheating - but you guys tell eachother you love eachother and started a long distance relationship. I've been the other woman before, and I ended that very quickly. I just couldn't do it. I came dangerously close to cheating once, but when I got to the front door, I couldn't bring myself to do it no matter how bad I wanted to do so out of revenge. In the end, saying it's circumstantial is just another excuse for people not to take responsibility for their decisions.
I more or less agree with you. Cheating is a case-by-case basis. Under no circumstance is it acceptable, but to label anyone who cheats as always going to cheat again or to give some sort of other attribute to them is a bit silly.
have any of you people ever talked to the person about their cheating?
my then-boyfriend was a cheater. i was unaware until his friend told me he cheats on every girlfriend. so i asked, and it was one of those "don't get what i want, i'll go somewhere else" type answers. so i did the best i could, everything he asked, and still was cheated on. i found out, made him tell me the truth, and that was it. if he had lied when i knew it was true, i would have broken it off. i wanted the kid that badly that i had to hear it from him, and i stayed. i worried, yeah, but continued on with the relationship. he was almost with another girl, and i asked more questions. he only cheated on me the once in two years.
we've had tons and tonss of conversations about him and his cheating, and why he does it, blah blah. one night became very emotional for the two of us where he was giving me complete honesty about everything. i know why he cheats, what goes on in his head.
we COMMUNICATE and have a completely honest relationship. i don't know about you, but i'd rather be hurt by the truth than smile about a lie, or however that saying goes.
our breakup had absolutely NOTHING to do with cheating, nothing to do with other women, and we are to this day best friends.
you all have these negative thoughts (which i completely understand, getting cheated on fucking sucks), but i'm sure none of you have ever tried to get into the head of the "cheater" you're attracted to.
if i am in a serious relationship i would never cheat.
but i have been in a situation where a guy i liked had a girlfriend and he cheated on her with mei only see this guy during the summer because he only comes down to visit his aunt in the summer
he doesn't live by me at all. I knew him for quit some time and this year we developed feelings for each other. One night we kisses and the next day i found out he got back together with his ex the day we kissed i didn't know how to take it. i was upset but its not like i could do anything we weren't dating and we weren't going to , since we won't get to see each other. the next day i kissed him again but i told him i knew he had a gf , it was the last day i was going to see him till next summer so i just figured what the hell why not have some fun. when he left he hasn't bother to keep in contact : \
not that there is much point .
It is very often circumstantial, but as other commenters have said, cheating is cheating. If you're going to feel the need to lie about it, don't do it.
People cheat because they've inebriated. People cheat because they got in a fight with their SO. People cheat because they are really attracted to someone else. People cheat because they are sexually unfulfilled. There are lots of reasons, but none of them change the hurt that the cheated-on party will experience, so any excuse is STILL an excuse.