Thursday, 04 August 2011
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Put the Game Down and Get Your Game On
For most of my dating life, I’ve been able to elude the breed of men know as"gamers." However, the last couple of people I’ve talked to have been more on the geeky side—they were into video games, anime, and such. Last weekend, I was one of a few girls in a room full of guys and the guys just happen to be playing video games. And let me tell you…watching these guys interact, it’s like watching animals on a safari. The noises, the violence, and let’s not forget the battle to show who is dominant.Over in the corner, all of their smartphones were lined up on the table and over the course of a few hours, I heard multiple phones ring as friends and girlfriends tried to get in touch with them to no avail. One guy was brave enough to stray from the pack and actually make an attempt to return a few of his girlfriend’s texts and wow, was there hell to pay.
They started mercilessly teasing him and chanting “CUFFED!” "CUFFED!” while trying to grab his phone from him. For those of you who don’t know, the term "CUFFED" is short for handcuffed and my guy friends use it to refer to a guy who is in a relationship—cuffed meaning that the guy is handcuffed to the girl!
If you are in that early stage of dating where you want to be in somewhat regular contact with the person, it can be very annoying when they go missing for hours at a time or even for a full day. In general, when you haven’t known someone that long and you don’t know where you stand with them, it’s very easy to become caught up and uncertain when your attempts at communication go unanswered at this time or that.
However, if the person happens to be a gamer, keep in mind, that he may very well have been unreachable because he was busy trying to save the (virtual) world. To hear that a guy couldn’t respond to your text messages and/or calls because he was playing video games the whole day really does seem incredulous and it could even cause you to think something shady is up, when 90% of the time it’s not.
They are REALLY just that into the game. Believe me, I’ve seen it. It’s like they enter into a special isolated gaming biosphere and nothing can penetrate the dome—not even your multiple texts. While I understand how frustrating that may seem, I prefer to view it from another standpoint.
If a guy is at home on the weekend with his guy friends playing video games, even if I can’t reach him, at least I know where he is and what he’s doing. There are way more worrisome places he could be, such as at a bar full of drunk and willing girls.
Think about that one! Sure, if you had your way, you’d rather have his hand be in yours instead of on a video game controller, but it sure beats his hand potentially being on Suzy the slut at Bar Easy!
For those few hours those guys are playing video games, they’re really immersed in it—they’re that player on the field, the defender of the universe, that criminal on the run, or whatever else is possible.
So, have you ever dated a gamer? Did their playing habits have any effect on your relationship?
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- From: Cassie
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Comments (64)
UGHHHH hate gamers like this. never again.
My boyfriend knows how to use a pause button. Also, if my boyfriend goes "missing" for a couple hours or a day; I don't assume anything.
I don't play games as much now that I'm older, but I must say...
girls > games
But if the girl is a gamer, then double win.
My boyfriend and I both game. We usually spend an hour or two at night playing some co-op stuff, or even just sitting by each other while we each play a different console on one of the three TVs we have in our living room. I love my man-cave of a house.
I could never date someone who didn't play video games.I dated and married one. And I am one.
I don't play as much videogames as I used to, but even now, I don't do online gaming. But, I love it when girls play videogames. It's a tradeoff; do something together that boyfriend likes and then the next time, do something together the girlfriend likes.
For girls (or guys) to freak out when their SO is missing for a couple hours seems really, really pathetic. Let them have some quality time to spend it however they want to. Like you said, staying home to play video games is much better than being at a bar with drunk girls or guys.
Spend time together, but also be sure to spend some time for yourself too. Otherwise, you'll just get sick of each other really quickly.
I had some issues with this problem. When I played with friends, I'd play for HOURS and would ignore everything. When I played alone, I usually quit when my ex called or texted me. When she's over, sometimes she would ask me to play and she would want to watch. Of course it's only for a few minutes or a half hour before she gets bored.
My best friend and I were hanging out and he was playing games when his gf tried to reach him. He didn't pick up because he left his phone in the car. When he got his phone, she was PISSED. We, guys, see it as no big deal. While his gf was like "Don't you ever ignore a girl for games" and she was my friend too and was like "when you get your next gf, don't you ever choose games over her."
Games are OUR own time. And when you're with another friend who plays games, it's essentially a "guy's night." I'm not a serious gamer, but my friend is, and I think girls just need to realize that you need to give us our space when we play games. I would usually let my ex know I'm playing a game, or if I'm in the middle, I'll try to find a spot I can shoot her a text back within the next few minutes to let her know I'm playing a game.
My girlfriend won't play certain games with me such as Call of Duty because she doesn't want to get "pwned like a noob" (her own words) and because I tend to rage at the TV when I get killed by corner campers or quickscopers or I empty an entire magazine into some guy and he turns around and kills me because of lag.
Left 4 Dead though we'll play together all day. Same with the N64 games.
Def. been one for 6 years & yes its true Id rather him be gaming then at the bar. But it gets really REALLY annoying after awhile. Especially since we have two kids.
I think the question is a little too simplified as gamers cannot be just
lumped together in one category. There are quite a few varying degrees
among people.
Furthermore, people need to realize there are certain social dynamics
and even primal notions that come into play when men play videogames.
So for instance, let's say I'm playing Call of Duty. If I'm playing the
campaign I'm at a casual level. I can pause at any time, get up, and
answer whatever RL requires of me. If I'm playing online though, there
are two levels. The first is if I'm playing with friends I'll be at a
semi-hardcore level. Meaning I'll be a bit vulgar when speaking and I'll
be extremely competitive to be at the top of the chart, but I can still
get up if some pressing matter comes up in RL and I can reply to any
messages in between games. The other level is when I'm playing with my
clan, which is semi-professional. Essentially what that means is we play
for money sometimes when going into a tournament or against other
clans. What that translates into is a serious-competitor mode. I'm not
answering anything, RL is gone because we're either practicing, going
over tactics, doing a skirmish, or in actual ranked match. At that point
the adrenaline is pumping through my veins and I'm fixated upon the
screen and "The bitches I be pwning". It's exactly how I would act and
behave if I were playing a sport in RL.
For the most part though I'm fairly good at giving myself reality checks
and prying myself away if need be. At the very least I can recognize
when it's sucking up a little too much of my time and I need to put down
the controller or mouse for a few weeks. The gamers that give all of us
a bad name are the ones that have no balance in their lives. The ones
that sit inside all day...EVERYDAY!!!...button mashing or furiously
clicking away at their screen.
If I'm dating a woman I don't care if she doesn't like videogames, as
long as there's a mutual respect and she's not demeaning me for what I
enjoy, then I'm fine with it. Obviously I would like it she if enjoyed
them with me, but I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. And if I
ever come across a woman that can beat me, well then I'll just have to
marry her due to her sheer "Awesomeness".
If your going to write someone off just because they're a "gamer" then I just need to say, "GET OVER YOURSELF!" you are by no means perfect and no matter who you date that person is willing to accept some flaw that you have.
My SO and i are huge gamers although i always tease him by saying I'm a bigger gamer than him. He get's so pissed and is always like "1V1?? I'LL PWN YOU" haha. That's why i understand when he's playing Zombies on COD and never picks up my calls or replies to my texts, because i'd probably do the same. He goes into this massive rage when im beating him though, especially if we're playing Mario Kart on N64.
One thing I don't understand. Why do chicks NEED to be in IMMEDIATE contact with their bf?
There were video games before cell phones...What did you girls do then?
Or instead of a video game, what if he was playing basketball or golf? Those last hours as well.
I'm currently dating a gamer and I can't say that I'd want it any other way.
Why?
Because we both get pretty intense when we're into a game and we're similar in our gaming habits.
@testyman666@xanga - seriously! this has almost nothing to do with dating a gamer and everything to do with being insecure and not trusting your bf....
Hum both my exes were on the same level for gaming.. they like games but they're not that serious about it. If anything, I gamed together with my recent ex a lot, it was fun:) but yeah I wouldn't want a serious gamer bf who would neglect me for games when I need him. When my recent ex gamed though, he would usually tell me that he's gaming for this period of time and I'd wait for him to sms/message/call me when he's done, it's no biggie. He did neglect me during our relationship but it wasn't because of games, it was for drugs-_- ughhh.
I date a gamer. The kind of gamer who buys a game and plays it for 30 hours in a week and then goes and buys a new one. Truly I know where he's at, who he's playing with and when I can expect my attention. He won't opt out of spending time with me usually, unless he works the late shift and I'm sleepy anyway. Besides there are nights when he comes home and I'm still on a game. A "gamer" isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as he knows when to game and when to sleep/work/grocery shop.
My sister's fiance on the other hand has a gaming addiction. He would game until 5 or 6am and then try to work at 11am, get tired of course and sometimes miss work. Additionally there was often little attention left over for her. I couldn't handle that and he would definitely get "gf aggro". That level is a problem.
My gamer boyfriend and I live together and we are mostly "stay at home" kind of people so I don't have to worry about such things as what you described. He will usually have his friends at our place and if he does hang out with them anywhere else it's not that difficult to get ahold of him. But we really only text or call each other if it's something important. We spend enough time together as it is. If he isn't in my line of sight for a few hours I'm really not going to care. In fact sometimes it is welcomed lol.
My boyfriend is the first guy I've dated who is REALLY into video games. He has actually been surprisingly good about spending time with me. He ALWAYS chooses me over video games if I ask him to, but I rarely ask. I always give him a few nights to spend gaming.
He's actually saving up money to build me a computer so we can game together. I'm not as much a hardcore gamer, but I enjoy a few games, and I think it's really cool that we can share that together :)
i would never accept my man ignoring me on the grounds that "atleast he isn't fucking a slut at a bar". what the hell? my boyfriend and i definitely have our "phones off" modes where we do not answer any call/texts unless they are emergencies so that we can focus entirely on what we are doing -- but why would i ever justify it as "atleast i know where he is, with the bros and not some hoes"? that sounds like a very unhealthy way of thinking.
Non-gamers don't understand that gaming is a real hobby for
gamers. If we need a few hours to decompress while playing our games,
let us have those few hours. It's not that hard. Wouldn't you want us to give you a few nag-free hours to read, knit, work out, draw, or do whatever other activity that keeps you sane? Grant us the same favor, please.
Personally, I don't
think I ever could have seriously dated a non-gamer for very long. It
was never a requirement on some sort of "He must be ___ for me to date him" laundry list of stupid dating rules. It's just that, since gaming takes up a large chunk of my free time, it would be difficult to consistently connect with a non-gamer. Well, I suppose a guy who wasn't actually a gamer, but who liked discussing games with me or watching me game, would be a pretty awesome date, too. If a person who was a seriously avid reader were dating a person who didn't read much and didn't even like talking about books and stories, don't you think that could put a hold on some romance? A relationship could be possible, I'm sure, but it could be incredibly difficult to nourish a connection.
@EpsilonCassiopeiae@xanga - Same here! My husband and I are both bigtime gamers, and it's so freaking awesome.
@WildBlueYoshi@xanga - Why is my comment formatted so weirdly? I sure as hell didn't type all that into the comment box like that.
@WildBlueYoshi@xanga - I agree. Gaming is a hobby, and for those of us who are into it need to be able to invest time into it just like any other hobby. That doesn't mean that we can neglect our responsibilities or our relationships, but we still need time to be able to spend time doing something we enjoy. I would never ask someone I'm dating to give up her interests just because I don't care about them, so I would hope that she wouldn't ask me to give up mine.
I'm currently dating a non-gaming. Fortunately, she doesn't mind that I play. She's just made it clear that she doesn't want me to do it around her.
Depends on the girl, and the game. Usually I just go with what feels right to me, either way.
Two cases:
My ex-fiancee meant the world to me at one point, and I'd drop just about anything for her...so games typically took a backseat. (That's not to say there weren't times where I was particularly focused on what I was doing...I'll never forget the time she got pissed when I turned down sex because I was more focused on a computer issue...)
My most recent ex-girlfriend...well, honestly, it's just not the same. If the game is good, the game tends to win. (But...she was a gamer, so usually there wasn't a contest to begin with...)
@Guteman91 - Whenever people mention a woman winning at games, it reminds me of my first girlfriend in college.
One day, I was trying to teach her how to play Halo (the first one, right around when it came out), and she was pretty terrible at it. This went on for an hour or so, and then she paused, looked me dead in the eye, and said "this is just like Star Wars Battlefront."
...I haven't beaten her since.