Wednesday, 03 August 2011
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The Initiation
This post was submitted by an anonymous user.Have you ever hung out with someone you like, but you can't help but notice that you're hanging out with him/her only when you initiate the plans?
He still hangs out with me whenever I ask him to hang out and doesn't break the plans whenever I ask him to hang out which is good, but should I wait for him to see if he'd ask me for a change? I sometimes try to justify this thinking that maybe he doesn't know when I'm busy or free and he lets me call the shots all the time since he always does follow through with me whenever I ask him to hang out. He has a more lenient schedule than me. One of my friends, Jack, told me that he has this best friend, Pete, who will only hang out with someone if the person contacts Pete first.
It's nothing personal on Jack, Pete just does that to everyone, but Jack said it pisses him off sometimes.
Do you think this should be a concern if only one person is ever doing the initiating? He still hangs out with me whenever I ask which is why I'm debating on whether or not to let this bother me.
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Comments (10)
yeah idk. i had a friend recently who was like that. so i stopped asking. even though it seems like he still wants to. so idk what to do.
my sister used to be like that. she never called anyone or ever did anything to arrange any plans. and so used to just wait
Stop being a doormat.
Ask him why he never asks you to hangout first. How often do you make plans with him? Is it possible that he doesn't ask because you usually ask first and fairly often?
Some people just aren't big on initiating plans. That's the way I usually am. I'd love to hang out and spend time with people, I just don't generally ask them to do anything. People cancel on me so often anyway, I feel like if they are the initiator I'm (somewhat) less likely to be canceled on.
I'm guilty of this too. For some reason I have it stuck in my head that other people's schedules take priority, they're busier than I am, yadda yadda...when that's totally not true.
He could be afraid of rejection, or he could just be lazy. If it means a lot to you and/or you want to take your relationship more seriously, then ask him in a non-judgmental way, because good communication is, well...good stuff.
Many people invite me for hangouts and vice versa, we don't really count. Sometimes like 4 people ask to chill on the same day and I just don't know what to tell 'em, like one time my friend had free concert tickets but my other 3 friends already made reservations at a nice restaurant that would cost money to cancel. I ended up going to both, cut dinner short and went to the concert late, it worked 'cause both really wanted to see me. On the other hand, there are days I wanted to go out but no one was available, so I just took those days to rest or go out on my own.
I know exactly how you feel :| In my situation, I absolutely believe he pitied me in the beginning, but now - hopefully - he enjoys my company, but not to extent that he'd make the plans. If he doesn't initiate, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you or anything (though maybe only as a friend.....), but at least he doesn't object. Or maybe he's just shy. You never know.
Honesty is the best policy, so go up to him and ask him why he's like that.
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I'd say ask him - or hint. be like - here are the nights I'm free next week, lets do something - and let him take the initiative.
I don't want to write him off as simply not caring because I'm the kind of person who rarely makes plans unless asked. seriously, very rarely do I make plans - even with my boyfriend of almost 5 years.