It's one of those things where you know what can happen when you have sex without a condom. Even with condoms (and pill accidents do happen). Regardless of those circumstances, there are so many young girls having children now and I guess they think it's something like a fashion statement? But I don't think they realize the reality of caring for a child.
Even though you're 15, you still think you're going to be able to do everything your friends are doing, and just dump the baby onto your parents to go back to your pre-baby life? Think again.
I was 17 when I got pregnant and I fought with my mom over aborting the baby. Needless to say, she was completely against it, but I kept the baby. Before I knew it, my 18th birthday came and went, and I was 7 months pregnant. Now two and a half years down the road, I dropped half of my friends and the other half barely come around. But I can honestly say that my decision to keep my son was ultimately the best in a long time. My mom has actually become one of my VERY BEST friends.
Not everyone lives happily ever after, though. I know one girl who is 19, and she has been tossed around within her "foster family" from foster brother to foster brother, no one wanted her around and that was two years before she got pregnant. Now she has an abusive boyfriend and nowhere to live. Some people just don't think. I mean come on, if he has hit you before you were pregnant why would you keep going back to him and most of all WHY WOULD YOU STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO GET PREGNANT BY HIM!? You're going to bring a child into this world while you have nowhere to live, no food, and no family. So basically you're going to have a baby, not work, not go to school, and have the government give you a home, and pay your bills. You get all of these things while other people bust their asses every day to support their families with their hard earned money!
So where should you draw the line when it comes to getting pregnant at an early age?
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Comments (66)
If they need to, teen girls should be offered safe and healthy abortions.
Where to draw the line before having a kid? Maybe when you can't support a good quality of life for the kid? Derp.
Make fathers more responsible for the physical and monetary care of their own children and you'll see the rates of teenage pregnancy drop. That's the solution.
My choice to have an abortion at 17 was simply because I knew I could not provide a decent life for a child. I had never had a job at that point and I was very immature. Even if my parents helped support my child financially I wouldnt have had the emotional maturity and stability to properly raise a kid.
It was the best decision of my life.
I'm still a emotionally immature. I'm selfish in that I prefer my adult lifestyle without others holding me back. It's part of the reason I moved out and part of the reason I'm cringing at the idea of moving back home in two weeks. But times are different now and so am I. If I got pregnant now (22 yrs old) I would definitely give it more consideration.
The line should be drawn at whether or not you believe the child will grow up in a decent, stable home. If you can't be sure you can provide that then don't keep the kid. If you plan on giving it up for adoption, make sure you do it right and check out the family. I think the hardest part though is convincing a teenager that they DONT know all the answers. Too many times a teenager goes into a situation thinking they know what to expect. Just watch Teen Mom... how many episodes do they show where the girl, at some point, says, "This was harder than I expected"...
It's my belief that since we haven't drawn a clear conclusion on where human life starts, we shouldn't risk wasting it through abortion. Now I know that it's a complicated issue and that many people disagree with me, but adoption is always an option when it comes to teen pregnancy. Yes, the child may have a more difficult life, but it's better than no life. Of course, if the pregnancy actually puts the mother's life at risk, I can understand the possible necessity of the action.
We all know accidents happen but if you can't even trust your SO, then don't even sleep with them. it's not worth all the risks it can carry (STDs, pregnancy, dependency, etc). I trust my boyfriend with everything, but I use BC now (depo shot). I don't really like going on birth control because it's annoying and the side effects can negatively impact my body, but it's one of those sacrifices. If I got pregnant when I was a teenager, I wouldn't be against abortion. In fact, I support it. Even if you are against abortion, what is the point of having a baby and then not being able to support it or yourself? You're just putting them and yourself in a worse position. I know abortion doesn't come without risks too, sometimes long-term, but a baby is for life.
I don't know.....I'm so glad I got out of teenage-dom without reproducing! I would have probably kept it though, if I had gotten pregnant.
if i had gotten pregnant when i was a teenager i would have aborted it. that being said, the idea of getting pregnant freaked me out so much that i waited to have sex until i was out of high school. (started having sex at 18, and took every precaution imaginable) now, at age 23, if i was to get pregnant unexpectedly it wouldn't be the end of the world.
i think you shouldn't have sex unless you are ready to deal with the consequences. i wasn't ready, so i waited. i'm not saying you should be married, but at the very least wait until you have your high school diploma. too many girls have to drop out and never go anywhere in life.
I just don't understand why *adoption* is so overlooked. Three of my friends from high school that got pregnant gave birth - thus allowing the child to live, and then allowed the child to be adopted by a beautiful family that was able to provide for it and give it a wonderful home. One of my friend's had a son that turns 7 this year, and he couldn't be in a better environment. He is smart, well cared for, and has a brilliantly, bright future. My other friends had babies three and two years ago, and we have since moved on and don't keep much in touch. All adoptions were open adoptions, thus allowing for mom to still be a part of the child's life. They visit, spend time together, and develop a relationship. Granted the relationship is not necessarily as strong as say a full-time mother and her child, but a relationship non the less. My friends were all against abortion, but knew that being 15, 16, and even 19 was not a good age to start raising a family for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes it is better to sacrifice than to be selfish. I'm 21, in college, and have a decent student researcher job making $10 an hour, but I still know that I am nowhere near financially set to raise a child - how would I pay all my bills, buy childhood necessities, allow my child to play sports/extracurricular activities, and better yet have the ability to not say "no" to my child?? Perhaps other 16 year olds are able to rely more on their parents, I was told that if i ever became pregnant I would be disowned. (hence my decision to get on birth control) But hey, if you're able to make it work without help, more power to you.
@kittykins08@xanga - I think adoption is overlooked because of actually having to go through with the pregnancy. But I'm not sure. I personally could never give away my flesh and blood.
I believe in keeping the child no matter what unless the mother is in serious danger.
@merrymoth@xanga - I disagree. I would rather have been aborted than gone through life knowing my birth parents didn't want me. Seriously. That would have left an emotional scar deeper than anything. Luckily that wasn't the case though.
That said, do what you want. I'm pro-choice (during all 9 months of pregnancy) for a reason. I believe it should be your choice whether to abort, adopt, or keep, and none of the aforemetioned choices are any better than the other. They all have their pros and cons. I'm glad I'm a guy and will never face that decision, which is also why I don't think I could in good conscience take an anti-choice stance (I hate the term "pro-life" because it's a bunch of bullshit; "anti-choice" is what the abortion prohibitonists should be called).
how about be responsible and use birth control, condoms and even spermicide if you wanna throw it in there. honestly if you used all 3 correctly id be amazed if anyone got pregnant lol
but if someone did. adoption! most teens shouldnt be raising a kid, and the kid deserves a good home. people think letting the kid be adopted is bad. but having the kid with them is so so much worse. and you could even check in to see how everything is too if you want an open adoption.
I think it depends on each individual. I have a friend who got pregnant at 18, 19? She was in my graduating class in high school, and she's one of the best mothers I've met. Her age is, of course, an obstacle (completion of her Associate's is taking her much longer), but in spite of it all, she kicks ass.
My sister is 28, and on the contrary, I believe she is not ready for children. She has a lot of mental obstacles to get through, but the fact is, she has three kids and she's trying. But she should've waited. The kids have suffered because of her ineptitude, and that's just a fact. Doesn't mean I don't love her, but I'm a realist.
Anyway, I believe that abortions should never be made illegal. Women will still find ways to have them, and those ways might not be in a sterile clinic. If I had a daughter who got pregnant at an early age (God help us, I hope it never happens), I'd probably try convincing her to have an abortion too. Or I would beg to consider adoption. But, it all depends... if you have a family that's well-off and supportive, that helps a great deal. Lots of these young relationships, however... they're a red flag. It's hard enough managing a child when you're in a happy and healthy relationship, let alone a fling, or even with a boyfriend of a year or something. 99% of the teen moms I know are constantly putting their drama on Facebook, saying they hate their baby daddy one day and the next they're best friends and so excited for the baby. A child is not a plaything.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - "Anti-choice" ...that's a good way to put it.
Also, I want to add on to my previous comment by saying that now, at age 20, I have a much better handle of the way I used to be versus how I will be. Meaning, I was SO immature up until 18, when I lost my mom. She did everything for me. I'm just learning how to fend for myself. I have no money management skills, nor do I know much about loans, building credit, or other necessary things. I've never even written a check.
That being said, I've always been very mature for my age, especially in contrast with my two sisters (my third sister is handicapped, so things are a bit different for her). If I, a mentally stable young woman, able to grasp what I can and cannot do, my abilities and where I stand, cannot imagine myself with a baby, then how do these irresponsible teenagers do it? Again, not saying ALL are irresponsible. Just a huge chunk. And I'll say that it's more than just teens (read above comment mentioning one of my sisters).
There's a third option. Adoption.
If one doesn't want to become a teen mom, can't handle a child financially and doesn't feel they can offer a good home, for their unborn child, they can find a family who CAN AND IS!
definitely not feeling the victim hate here. Obviously there are a lot of issues when it comes to being a victim of domestic abuse, and you even pointed out one of the reasons she is likely feeling stuck in her situation: she has nowhere to go. I can't believe how many judgments you were able to place on her within one paragraph- "Some people just don't think." You know- she probably was thinking. She probably has a lot of trouble in her life right now, and as a friend, you probably should be helping her out rather than typing out righteous blogs about how you're providing the better life for your childspawn.
I also can't believe you implied at the end that she is having some sort of "easy lifestyle" that you resent her for. Hello? She's going to be a teen mom, living with her allegedly abusive boyfriend?? Yeah, sure sounds like you got the short straw here.
i have a rule. if you cant afford one, emotionally AND financially, DONT have a baby.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Why would you think it isn't wrong to end the life of a baby at nine months..? A life is a life, no matter the inconvenience of filing adoption papers.
@GreenTeaReverie@xanga - Where life begins is irrelevant. Where personhood begins is the real issue, and the law is very clear that personhood begins upon live birth. A fetus has no rights because it is not a person. Life does NOT imply personhood.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - I hardly think that the action of birth literally bestows any sort of different essential quality to an infant. He is just the same inside the womb as outside, except that he is in a different location. Placement doesn't imply personhood, either.
If I may ask--what could we define personhood as? If it includes the ability to take care of oneself, then that would rule out the elderly, sick, and mentally retarded. It must not be that, then. In fact, it must not be based on ability or inability at all, but rather, the potential for ability. A blind person is no less a person because he is blind, and so, accidental qualities must not be what actually matter in the end. But the fact that this blind person, as long as he is biologically human, contains the "intended" potential to see--as long the mentally retarded individual contains within his person the basic human ability to think complex thoughts--as long as the baby contains the human qualities of potential livelihood, independence, memory, experience--then we cannot write them off as not having personhood.
What makes a person a person is the fact they have the potential "ownership" within their genetic makeup..to be everything that makes up a completed, functioning human. Disablement outside their control of these qualities does NOT make them less human. The fact that these abilities are "disabled" at all, means that they have ownership of them to an extent. So, no, sir. Personhood is not defined by ability, inability, youth, or age.
In short--personhood is INHERENT. It is immovable, it cannot be defined away. This is the great tragedy we face nowadays--personhood is opined and reduced to nothing but a convenient, cold scientific blurb.
@GreenTeaReverie@xanga - If you want to talk ownership, great. A fetus is inside the mother's body, therefore is the mother's property. Therefore the mother has full ownership of the fetus and can do whatever the hell she wants with it.
Of course, realize that my opinion is probably colored by the fact that I think children/babies are the most disgusting, vile things on the face of the planet and I would never have anything to do with raising a child, which is why I got sterilized at 23 with no kids and no regrets.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - I didn't mention ownership in that context, though. I am sorry if I was unclear.
Even so--there are reasons why caretakers for the elderly are punished if they neglect them or harm them. Yes, the elderly person is under their "ownership", but not in the same way a car is under one's ownership. The elderly person is a person, and therefore, has rights.
..If we are operating under the correct definition of personhood, then that same right to life is extended even to the 9-month-old infant.
Concerning wanting children--I, myself, don't want a child at this point in my life, but that is because I am inclined to want independence. I think the life of another human being greatly outshines my desire for independence. If I were to become pregnant, I would not end the child's life out of the belief that my preferences outrank a human being's existence.
i'd abort, definitely. simply being pregnant for nine months would ruin my life financially. being preggo is expensive!!
@GreenTeaReverie@xanga -
"..If we are operating under the correct definition of personhood, then that same right to life is extended even to the 9-month-old infant."
i would fine tune the definition of personhood and say that it is directly related to physical dependence upon a single other human being. an invalid elderly person can be taken care of by anyone trained to do so. a fetus, however, relies upon the woman carrying it to survive, and that reliance cannot simply be passed on to anyone else. in that circumstance, i think the woman should be the only one who has any say in whether she wants that kind of dependence to continue.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - "anti-choice" is about as hateful as "anti-life", and neither should be a term. I respect your opinion on abortion, but I must disagree with you. I don't think emotional scars are worse than actually living.
@merrymoth@xanga - If emotional scars weren't worse than living nobody would commit suicide (and don't even mental illness as it's not a factor in every suicide).