Wednesday, 03 August 2011

• A Heartbreak is a Heartbreak is a Heartbreak. Period.

  
  Getting kicked to the curb sucks big time. When you’re on the giving end, it can be really awful. But when you’re on the receiving end, it’s a much more awful thing. Breaking someone’s heart ain’t easy but it sure ain’t easier to get your heart broken.

  They say that when we love someone, we automatically give that person the opportunity to break our heart. When we’re lucky, these people love us back in return, the same intensity we love, the way we deserve to be loved. And just like us, ready to drop everything at a whim for that person we love, with the same eagerness of being together and the same dread of being apart. Sweet, huh?  

  But like it or not, often times, they just do. Break our hearts, that is.

  We go about different reasons for crushing hearts and egos. On top of the list is the excuse of “finding oneself” followed by the “it’s not you, it’s me” spiel. In some distant past, maybe some of us were guilty of using this lame defense. Some presently using this attempt to cushion the pain we are delivering. For others, contemplating this excuse hoping it’ll be their ticket to their freedom.

  Let's look at the different scenarios :

  Scenario 1:  We swiftly and subtly kick some guy’s heart by saying how we needed “space” and some “alone time” to deal with whatever random issue we could think of, making it seem huger than it actually is. And to make matters much worse, we convince them that we take all the blame, saying, “It’s not you…it’s me...”  fully aware that the guy is racking his brain searching for what he did wrong to change our minds. As soon as we put the receiver back in its cradle, we know what is going to happen. The guy would call and try to win us back, saying, begging, that he’ll do anything…shave his head, wash our laundry, do our nails, wax our legs, pluck our armpit hair…anything to have us back. Tragic, right?

  And to make the tragedy much worse, those guys who were doe-eyed, head-over-heels in love with us actually buy this excuse. Ugh! In some cases, they even blame themselves thinking that maybe at some point in the relationship they suffocated us, smothered us too much. Before they know it, they start compromising their pride for love not realizing that they are actually feeding our ego. That is the theater of heartbreak.

  I may be speaking rashly with what I’m about to say but I think (after the rollercoaster ride that was my love life, I think I’m at liberty to add my two cents) that this overly used alibi, is exactly what it actually is. An EXCUSE. Over the years, I have learned that there is no such thing as “finding oneself.”

  You see, we know ourselves better than anyone else does. No one else knows what our real fear is. Nobody knows our flaws and strengths but ourselves. And the myriad of experiences have given us a fairly good idea of who we are based on our responses and reactions to these experiences. So what is the deal with “finding oneself?” Nothing. Let’s not get carried away with the illusion that there is a grand eye-opener at the end of this “soul-searching” mission.  This hullabaloo that there’s a revelation after you “find yourself?” It’s nothing but pure fiction.  If anything, you will have to come to terms with yourself and not “find” something that is already there.

  Scenario 2:  At some point in our lives, we were guilty of relying on technology so much that we often used it to have an easy way out of a sticky situation such as a break-up. An SMS to tell your boyfriend that you can’t see him anymore or perhaps a phone call. How convenient that you wouldn’t have to actually get into the mess of dealing with the other person’s feelings face to face, so you call it quits with your significant other on the phone.  But for a guy to do the same thing to us women, we will be quick to say “That asshole never even had the decency to say it straight to my face!”  What ever happened to the golden rule of not doing things you wouldn’t want done to you?

  The painful truth is technology has made it easy for both men and women to inflict heartbreak without having to even look the person in the eye. Handy when you’re doing inflicting the pain. But if you’re the “inflictee,”  it quite frankly sucks.  

  Scenario 3: And the worst of all cases, is staying off the grid. Going underground. Pretending like the other person is not out there wondering, waiting. This is the most heartless, most appalling, most brutal escape of all. Hands down, this wins the title of  “The Worst Way to Smash a Heart.” Imagine being on the other end. Waiting for that SMS reply, that phone call that’s never gonna come. Wondering what on Earth happened. Trying to find answers to the never-ending questions.  Hoping for the off-chance that you will run into that person so you can give it another shot, or maybe a friend that could give news on their whereabouts. Terrible. Simply loathsome.  And pretty pathetic.

   

  My point is, heartbreak will suck however which way you put it. No matter how long you keep that person in mid-air, it will still ache like hell for him/her when he/she hits the ground. You will still end up smashing the other person’s face in the pavement and it will still hurt them like shit. When the dangling string is cut, no matter how long the plunge, in the end they're still going to hit the floor and it will hurt like a motherfucker. So what to do? Be honest. (Of course, that’s so much easier said than done.) No dodging. No cushioning. No BS. No matter when you choose the moment, plan the timing, choose the style... a heartbreak is a heartbreak is a heartbreak.  The end.

  In the end, we can choose the easy way out, or we can choose to be brave enough to face up to the reality and admit that we are just human beings who can sometimes be reckless with other people’s feelings. And oftentimes purely selfish.

  What are your thoughts on this?

  Disclaimer: Let it be said that these are just my thoughts and may not apply universally.

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