Tuesday, 02 August 2011
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My Mother Found My Vibrator
All that was going through my head at the time was, "Dear God in heaven, please tell me I'm mistaken!"
I wasn't. I'm not. She found it.
Out of all the days, and times my mother could've entered my room, it had to be the morning after I used it, and the morning I just happened to not put it completely away. I mean for crying out loud, it's not like I had the thing on display. It was under my bed, on the side you can't see when you initially enter the room. Now I know that's a shitty hiding place, but like I said, it hadn't been put completely away from the night before.
My mother just so happened to be feeling courteous on THAT day and decided to do my laundry! (Seriously! What kind of luck is that?!?) I was mortified when I realized she had found it. When I came back home after having worked my morning shift, I found it nicely placed on my dresser right next to my empty hamper. I just kept thinking, "Shit, shit, shit! Okay how do I lie my way out of this one!?!"
Now you might be thinking, "Lie? What, is your mother retarded?" Well, not exactly.
She's an extremely conservative, Ecuadorian woman who is also gullible. But no matter how many things I came up with to say, nothing was good enough to get me out of this snag. So what did I do? I didn't say anything. All I did was sneak out of the house and ran.
Pathetic. I felt like a 10 year old hiding from my Mommy after getting in trouble.
I just couldn't imagine myself giving her any sort of explanation for why I had a vibrator without picturing her disgusted face judging the fuck out of me. It was just too embarrassing to deal with. What's worse is that it's still not over. This was a week ago, and I've made sure that our schedules have not been coinciding whether it be work, school, friends etc....
Living like this is extremely stressful, especially when every single time I see her she alludes to the fact that she needs to "talk" to me about something. I can't keep having this hang over my head, but I literally have no idea what I would say.
Do you know anyone who has ever had to deal with this? What the hell should I do? God, it really sucks when your parents discover who you really are, doesn't it?
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (111)
Alright, look. Your description says you're going to be a senior in college. I get that you're still in your mother's house, but you have every right to own a vibrator. If she thinks you don't, then she's not respecting that you're an adult with a sex drive and that a vibrator doesn't mean anything else.
Have the conversation with her. Be polite but honest. And if she gets mad, just apologize for leaving it out and/or request that she not do your laundry for you in the future. This doesn't need to be a big deal, I'm sure. I guess I don't know your mother, but it really seems like you're making it into a bigger situation than it is.
I know how that is, my mom is a very traditional Chinese woman. My mom found mine, said nothing. But she ended up throwing it away. *sigh* Can't wait to have my own place so I can leave my toys where I please.
When I read this post, this is what I kept thinking - http://youtu.be/5rHoO-4W8dg
Masturbation happens to be perfectly normal. I would say, play dumb and hide it better. "I don't know what you're talking about, you mean my back massager?" Then again, I accidentally found my mom's vibrator when I was 13, so I would never have to worry about having this conversation. My oldest sisters already warmed my mom up to the idea that we are grown adults and we'll do what we want. Who knows, maybe she's just as embarrassed about it as your are and maybe she doesn't want to talk about it either?
@RestlessPhoenix@xanga - This.
Also I don't see how you wanting to recieve some sort of sexual pleasure at all is some sort of secret part of you. I only say that because of the last question you asked about when your parents find out "who you really are". That kind of situation falls under something like "My parents found out I killed three children and stuffed them under the house. Now my parents know who I really am." Sex in general does not make a person who they are. So if your mother does think of you differently and negatively after finding out that you have a vibrator then that is her issue to deal with, not yours.
haha my mom would HAVE A STROKE. lucky girl, honestly if she didnt FLIP OUT IMMEDIATELY i guarantee it wont be that bad. count yourself lucky.
Just have the awkward conversation and get it over with already. What's the worse that could happen? You're just going to torture yourself by keeping it in.
She should understand. If not, then that's lame. It's your stuff. It's your business. It seems she's not asking you anything, so just leave it and not make a big deal of it. You don't need to be a genius to know what a vibrator is for, they can figure it out. You're an adult and you should be able to do what you want.
You never know, she might have one hidden away somewhere... maybe she want's to talk to let you know that she doesn't think any less of you and that it's no big deal? Maybe the fact that she put it back on your dresser is a sign that she's ok with it?
But considering my own mother on this one, if she stumbled upon my vibrator (which btw I don't have one because my last one died lol), she would probably have a fit. She definitely wouldn't be putting it on my dresser, or touching it even apart from with a rubbish bag. I got this message growing up that masturbation is BAD. Boys do it but shouldn't. Girls never do. I didn't even know that it was possible for a girl to masturbate until I was 23.
It is embarrassing though, for me anyway to consider anyone other than a lover to see that side of me... so I do empathise.
I'll bet she was really amazed at the hi-tech.
So I'm living with my boyfriend and his parents for the summer due to financial problems. We're kinky people and have a whole box full of kinky sex toys. Rope, butt plugs, vibrators, gags, a blindfold.. Yeahhh.
So my boyfriend's mom came in to talk to me the other day. We were talking and all of a sudden, my cat jumps on our sex toy box and the lid falls off. His mom goes over there and obviously sees what's in the box.
I was mortified.She hasn't brought it up and I hope to god she never does.
Things are way more embarrassing when you make it seem like you're embarrassed. If I were you I would get the talk over with. A vibrator is used for one thing and one thing only - both you and her know what you do with it. There is no avoiding it now. Best to just get it out in the open. I'd suggest going back in to your normal life routine. If she brings it up, let her say what she needs to say and let it be. If she asks you questions be truthful but don't be nasty. You know, if she asks "What do you even need a vibrator for?" answer with "What does anyone need a vibrator for?" It's just as awkward for her as it is for you. Avoiding her is only making it worse in the end. Time to be an adult. So you have a vibrator, big deal! If your mother doesn't like it, well, that's just too bad. You're old enough to buy one and you're old enough to use one.
This has happened to me before. I was visiting my family for the week, I left it on top of my nightstand and fell asleep. My mother came into my room at 6 the next morning and saw it. She asked, "What is that?" but I could tell she already knew. So, I said straight out, "It's a dildo." She then asked, "Do you actually use it?" I told her "yep" and then she walked out of my room completely forgetting whatever she meant to nag me about. If she hadn't just woken me up, I might have been more delicate about what I said, but I don't have a lot of tact or patience when I first wake up.
I would tell her I want to have sex, but I don't have anyone to do it with and I really don't want to risk getting pregnant while trying to get my degree.
Stop freaking out! I would be dying of laughter personally.
I say keep on livin' like nothing happened.
If she gives you grief over it you can always point out that at least it's just a vibrator and not you bringing random guys home to have sex with. My mom never found anything like that, but we did have a similar type of conversation one time. We were doing laundry together and I commented on how many pairs of black lacy underwear she had, and she told me that sometimes a woman just likes to feel sexy inside. So a few years later when she noticed lacy panties in my drawer and asked me why I had that kind of underwear I simply said that sometimes a woman just likes to feel sexy inside, right ma?
It's a weird situation to be in, but if you're adult enough to own a virbrator then man up and talk to your mom. Just get it over with.
pretend it didn't happen?? lol that's what I would do.........
Yeah, I'd say just talk to her about it and get it over with so you won't have to think about it anymore. If she's upset or angry, reason with her that-- like someone else pointed out-- at least it's a vibrator and not other people, and that it's perfectly healthy.
As a side note, if I ever found my future daughter's vibrator, I would not want to pick it up and put it somewhere, haha.
My motto is: Don't have things you don't want people to know about.
I once lost an ipod right before I was about to go on vacation with my boyfriend, and I was hysterical about it. So, while I'm gone, my Dad looks for it. No, he didn't find the ipod but he found that something else...
He never said anything about it. Thank god. Why would any parent/child relationship ever want to discuss that?
Anyway, good luck with your situation!
me. I had to return one because it wasn't working (dangit!) and she looked in the box before I closed it up for shipping. Awkward? yes. But she was all "good for you, sending it back if it doesn't work!" which was... awkward again!
hasn't happened yet but if it ever does and she gives me weird vibes I'll just bust out a bunch of pro-know-your-body ish, and then end with, "It's better than me having sex, isn't it?" SCARLETMOTH'S MAMA REALLY DOESN'T WANT GRANDCHILDREN YET...slamdunk
If you're old enough to be allowed into the store to BUY a vibrator... you should probably be mature enough to talk about it.
Your mom probably has one or two of her own. Just talk to he and get it over with, you're not going to avoid your mom for the rest of your life and no matter how long you wait she found it that won't change. Worst thing that happens is she judges you and feels bad for you, but hey it's better than her finding a used condom on your floor.
I've never had my mom find a vibrator of mine, but I did find 3 or so of hers...pretty awkward heh.
Don't feel bad. I found my mom's dildo a few years ago. She was wholly unapologetic about it and started making jokes, lol.
I think I would feel kind of awkward if she'd have found my vibrator, but would've gotten over it fairly quickly. It depends on the type of relationship you have with your mom, I think.
As for you, though, now that I read the post... whatever she says to you, it shouldn't change things. Let her say her piece and explain to her that you're a woman who has perfectly natural needs and you do not feel a need to apologize for that. It's biology - we all like to feel good, and it's not like you're shooting up heroin (forgive the harsh example). If she's going to judge you, that's a sticky situation, but she should at least respect your decision. I'd suggest you convey your desire that she respects it, in the most courteous manner possible. But please, don't avoid her any longer. You're just stressing yourself out for much longer than you deserve. You're not doing anything wrong!