Monday, 01 August 2011
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What's the Difference Between Prostitution and Having a Sugar Daddy? + The Legality of Prostitution
When I say "sugar daddy," I mean a wealthy, older man, willing to pay a girl's loan debt in exchange for sex and companionship. More than ever, college students are resorting to websites which specialize in setting you up with an older person who can pay your expenses or simply support your excessive lifestyle. One such site is SeekingArrangement.com which advertises itself as, "...the premier Sugar Daddy Dating site. We are a matchmaking website for wealthy benefactors, and attractive guys & gals."If you read further, it describes the types of people who use the website as follows:
Sugar Daddy, Mommy
Rich and successful. Single or married, you have no time for games. You are looking to mentor or spoil someone special — perhaps a "personal secretary"? secret lover? student? or a mistress for an extra-marital affair?Sugar Baby
Attractive, ambitious & young. Sugar Babes are college students, aspiring actresses or someone just starting out. You seek a generous Benefactor to pamper, mentor and take care of you — perhaps to help you financially?Now, I understand that there are different "tiers" when it comes to prostitution. There's the high-class escort who works for a business that's pretty much a front for prostitution. They advertise their clients as dates, but in reality, it's a clever guise to get away with illegal services. There's also the low-class hooker. These women offer their bodies at a price just like the escorts, but the main difference is they're usually less attractive, have a higher chance of being carriers of STI's and they're upfront about it. This is considered illegal because there aren't any loopholes and it's very clear that money is being exchanged for sex.
Where do college students looking for sugar daddies to pay their debt fall? I would say it's in the upper-tier, as it's considered legal and again, an ingenious way to sell your body without being labeled a prostitute. In a fair world, lower-tier prostitution would be legalized and all people would have the right to do as they wish with their bodies, as long as damage isn't being inflicted upon other individuals. In the case of physical altercations, there are proper laws to take care of it. Human trafficking and the sexual slavery of children are products of a black market which exists due to the illegality of prostitution outside of things such as escort services.
If we were to legalize prostitution however, it may create a split market where trafficking and slavery are kept in the underground, but it would make it easier to track down criminal activity as a result. I believe that much like the legalization of marijuana, legalizing prostitution and making it a legitimate profession (see: Netherlands, Germany) like those who work in the porn industry would have a more positive effect and the state could impose a tax.
Where this issue begins to get muddy is when you consider morality, which changes from one individual to the next. We all have our personal morals and organized religions play a large role in shaping them for millions. In Muslim countries for example, prostitution is a severe crime which carries harsh punishments. Like the uphill battle to make same-sex marriage legal and its religious detractors, the same would happen in the case of the legalization of prostitution.
But is prostitution a victimless crime?
Many would argue that it's exploitation at its finest. But can we really call it exploitation when selling your body is a personal choice and many alternatives exist? The women working two jobs to sustain herself or a family says no. There's a difference between being put up against a wall and having no other option, so in a world where numerous professions exist (and you're arguably being exploited by managers), making a case for exploitation is pointless. What they both have in common though is being the exception to the rule.
While I wouldn't encourage prostitution as a manner of earning a living or paying off expenses since it's self-destructive in some cases, I believe people have a right to do as they please sexually if both parties consent and are old or mature enough to know the consequences of their actions.
If the website features both sugar mommas and daddies, why am I focusing on women, you ask?
Well, if we look at it from a sociological standpoint, buying male companionship is more stigmatized than the opposite scenario, which is a more established practice. Women can potentially internalize this social norm against buying male companionship and feel dirty or guilty breaking it. If you think about it, there are also fewer older women with wealth and power compared to men. These are the reasons why I chose to focus on what's more relevant and what happens most often.
So what should we make of these college students who decide to track down a wallet with a penis attached to it? I'll leave you with one woman's experience. (Watch it in SD for faster loading.)
Is there truly a difference between prostitution and selling yourself for money to pay off a debt? Should prostitution be legalized?
Sincerely,
Nunez Love Doctor.Certified with a PhD in Horny Congressmen.
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About the Author
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- From: AsylumBlue
- About Me: The musician in me is constantly dueling with my inner writer, trying to take its place. What I'm attempting to do is allow them to live harmoniously, but it seems that I'm a terrible peacemaker, because they haven't stopped bickering or flinging spit-balls at one another. I write political satire, short stories, poems and... actually, I can pretty much write about anything; I'm flexible (not physically, unfortunately). If I had to choose, it would be writing softcore romance novels full of seduction, extramarital affairs and incredibly specific details. I'm kidding about that last part, I think.
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Comments (76)
No, and yes.
You should never have to resort to selling yourself for money.
What is the definition of a prostitute??? Receiving money for sex??? Every prostitute (wife) should be thrown in jail along with there desperate loser Jons (husbands). We just like to pick on poor people with drug habits.
@dinguyen@xanga - then don't ever get married!
I think it's the same concept, just executed differently. Either way, I am very pro legalizing prostitution
@DominatingThinspo@xanga - Merriam-Webster: the act or practice of engaging in promiscuous sexual relations especially for money
1.) Prostitutes have multiple partners college students who have sugar daddies generally only have to make one old guy happy and only long enough to get what they're really after 2.) Prostitutes have a pimp who gets most of the money sugar babies get to keep the entire haul 3.) Prostitutes get very little say in who the John is, sugar babies get to hand pick their daddy 4.) Prostitutes get treated like whores, sugar babies get treated like spoiled children. 5.) and last but not least sugar baby looks much better in print and sounds more socially acceptable than prostitute does. Other than those things it's pretty much the same thing.
after they are finished with college and have a nice paying job, then gradually make payments to pay off the college debt. it isn't like they are illegal loan sharks, who will come after you with threats, so they have time to pay off the debt rather than rush it. I mean these wealthy men probably started the same way and had lots of debt after they finished college and they gradually paid it off and got promotions and worked hard to earn success and money the original way
if they want fast cash, then this is something they might resort to. I personally wouldn't sleep with strangers for money. I'd rather work minimum wage jobs and live modestly. having lavish lifestyles isn't necessary but people have their own preferences/self indulgences.
@DominatingThinspo@xanga - marriage is not only about money. if you think it's only about that, then i feel sorry for you.
The thing separating prostitution and sugar babies is that if the sugar daddy and baby are exclusive (or close enough), and they swear that there are actual emotions involved, then wtf can anybody do about that?
also. @DominatingThinspo@xanga - just...no.
My mom always said that prostitution should be legalized and taxed to help bring us out of this national debt we've acquired, since it's never going to end. I feel, from a moral standpoint, it shouldn't exist at all - but let's be realists. It will always exist.
My fiance told me about this site earlier today. I think it's deplorable. Not saying it's right (of course it's not) but maybe if college weren't so freaking expensive, people wouldn't feel a need to resort to this. Still, making your own way and taking the hard road is tough now, but later on I'm sure you'd feel so much better about yourself (speaking of these women in general). I could never live with myself if I subscribed to this idea, but I'm not that type of woman.
@DominatingThinspo@xanga - Wait, so... please tell me you're not saying you actually believe that every woman relies solely on her husband for an income, and reducing the woman's role to simply pleasuring her husband? Cos that's whack. Prostitution and sharing funds within a relationship/marriage are two TOTALLY different things.
it's a ultimate barter :)
There's nothing wrong with it - it's mutually beneficial - as long as they are
both honest with what they want from the other side.
What's moral here is subjective to the people involved in this deal. Other people
like to get up all in their business and say self righteous things.
enjo-kosai wa amerika ni kite iru !
@ohforrealson@xanga - "Prostitution and sharing funds within a relationship/marriage are two TOTALLY different things." You only believe this because of cultural conditioning.
@dinguyen@xanga - your right it's really about putting unnecessary expectations (religious, cultural) on a healthy relationship so you can successfully fuck it all up.
@DominatingThinspo@xanga - Then explain to me more clearly your point of view, if you please. I'm intrigued as to what you mean.
@ohforrealson@xanga - well my love life is completely different then most people's BUT I never have to worry about "getting bored" or "not having passion". You could not pay me enough to have a so called "love life" like 99% of the population because they have never experienced the high's and low's that I have. Mediocrity is for "normal" people who have no balls. I would be happy to share but I think it would simplify things if you asked me a specific question, then I will be happy to answer.
@DominatingThinspo@xanga - every relationship is different and for you to say that they're based on cultural or religious beliefs, you're more messed up than i thought. people choose to base their relationships on whatever they want. who are you to say they're all about the money or the culture or religion?
I think prostitution should be legalized, or at least, prostitutes should not be treated as criminals (often the prostitute is punished and "the john" is let go free) is because this creates a lot of problems and makes them incredibly vulnerable persons in our society.
I will say it is more complicated than just "legalization equals good." There is a good several chapters about this in Half the Sky, which is a really, really great book for anyone interested in global women's issues. Basically child prostitution and the sex slave trade is favorably decreased when prostitution is illegalized. To summarize a very complicated issue in one sentence :p So, it's complex. Because we really don't want these things. And we really do want for women (and others- you heteronormatized the sex slave here while ignoring that there is actually a pretty large market for gay male sex) to be sex workers if it is what they want to do without coercion etc.
Although I think you overall did a good job at not stigmatizing sex work here, I will say I find the phrase "selling your body" a little bit... harsh, and you used it multiple times. The phrasing has stigmas attached to it, doesn't really reflect what is happening (selling a human body is slavery) and doesn't indicate the agency that exists.
You're servicing a customer, really. Which maybe is overly PC, but you're not selling your body- you have control over your body during these acts. You still are allowed to not give consent, or withdraw consent. When you give someone a massage with your hands, for example, or paint their nails, you're not selling your body parts, or your body in general. You are just using these body parts to perform a service.
I sold my body when I worked in retail. I fail to see the difference between this and having a sugar daddy or being a legal prostitute except the latter two attract more money.
heeey this reminds me of the natalie dylan things...did that turn out a hoax?
no, i don't think there's a difference between the two, and yes, i absolutely believe that prostitution should be legalised.
@ScarletMoth@xanga - The phrase "selling your body" can go either way. I understand what you're saying, but it's commonly used to refer to the act of prostitution, so we would just be arguing semantics I think.
Yeah, it's mostly difficult to say whether or not legalization would decrease human trafficking and decrease the number of sex slaves. I mean, even producing statistics and data is difficult because it's a covert operation happening in the shadow economy. However, I've always liked what David A. Feingold, PhD, has to say about the matter. Here's one example:
"The intersection of the highly emotive issues of sex work and human
trafficking generates a lot more heat than light. Some antitrafficking
activists equate 'prostitution' with trafficking and vice versa, despite
evidence to the contrary. The U.S. government leaves no doubt as to
where it stands: According to the State Department Web site, 'Where
prostitution is legalized or tolerated, there is a greater demand for
human trafficking victims and nearly always an increase in the number of
women and children trafficked into commercial sex slavery.' By this
logic, the state of Nevada should be awash in foreign sex slaves,
leading one to wonder what steps the Justice Department is taking to
free them. Oddly, the Netherlands, Australia, and Germany--all of whom
have legalized prostitution--received top marks from the Bush
administration in the most recent Trafficking in Persons Report.
Moreover, some efforts to prohibit prostitution have
increased sex workers' risk to the dangers of trafficking, though
largely because lawmakers neglected to consult the people the laws were
designed to protect. Sweden, for example, is much praised by
antiprostitution activists for a 1998 law that aimed to protect sex
workers by criminalizing their customers. But several independent
studies, including one conducted by the Swedish police, showed that it
exposed prostitutes to more dangerous clients and less safe-sex
practices."
It's hard being in debt and having NO JOB. I know the feeling of having almost a 100 grand in debt. Sometimes it's more worth it to just collect unemployment or food stamps than to get a part-time, minimum wage job. Being under that amount of debt is crippling, suffocating. Then, depending on the type of loan and loan carrier you have, they don't even care that you can't even buy food or you hardly make enough to pay for the gas to get to work. They just want their share and they will call everyday, every hour to harrass you. I really see how this deal sounds like a way out. If I weren't married and sex wasn't involved, if it was truly just hanging out and letting them have a cute, young girl on their arm, I'd seriously consider doing it. I won't judge them, though. I'm not going to call these girls lazy because I don't know their situation. It is extremely desperate, though, and a lot of them are probably just grasping at straws b/c they don't see a sure way out of the situation they are in.