Saturday, 30 July 2011
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Why You Should Care Less Instead of Playing Games You Won't Win
Some people say that whoever cares the least in the relationship has the most power. It doesn't matter whether you are actually dating or just hooking up or even friends with benefits, most people in the beginning stages of any relationship want to seem like they care the least. That way the other person must try harder to please them, win them over, and care more so you know you have them wrapped around your finger.These games start with the simple form of communication: Texting.
It is dangerous and far too easy to use when lonely, drunk, bored, and or crushing on someone you really like. It allows us to analyze every word a person is saying in text so we can read it over and over again in the privacy of our rooms, deciding if certain words mean more than the simplicity of, "I haven't seen you in a while!" Does that mean that he wants to see me? Maybe he really does like me! Maybe I'm not trying hard enough or I was the one that pushed him away?
So the dangers continue when you pursue a conversation with him and you read his bbm and realize that you should have waited 5 minutes so you didn't look so desperate, but you're not into games so you would rather be real. But then you realize that you're always the one ending conversations, writing a little too much and revealing your hand too soon.
The problem is, when you enter the mentality of a game you already care too much. The person who created it is like a puppet master and now has you on his string, using you when he's bored with his many other crushes. But if you care enough to want to learn the technicalities of the game then you have already lost because lets face it, the only winner is the game's creator because he makes all the rules and keeps you out so you'll never win.
Ever get stuck in a situation where someone is playing games with you? What would your advice be for these types of players?
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About the Author
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- From: CarlyPaige
- About Me: Currently I am a college student studying English and Education. A true monogamist, I have only had 2 serious boyfriends but have been single for 2 years. The dating scene in college is complicated to say the least and here I will share with you my experiences, my friends experiences, both past and present as an example of what to do when confronted with awkwardness, confusion and love.
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Comments (18)
i think most of all have been in this situation. when this happened to me, even though i cared too much, i played his game with him too and i realized that it turned me into a jaded and cold hearted person. after that, i stopped those games and just was true to myself. if he's going to play games with me then obviously he's not worth my time too much bc he really doesn't care too much.
People just need to be honest and stop playing games and pretending to not care. If someone did that with me I would move on to the next one.
when I show a lot of interest and directly let the guy know, then he often sees it as being too clingy. then when I back off and give him some space, he begins to wonder if I still like him. yeah, I like him and have shown him that but apparently, giving him what he wants or too much attention is a bad thing, because when I really like a guy, I can't wait to talk to him, so that's exactly what I do rather than play games. however, I think some guys like being teased, because sometimes it seems like no matter what I do, it isn't right or he isn't content
I think some guys freak out when the female is the aggressive one, but those guys just weren't compatible with me. my current guy loves how aggressive I am with him
the other guys made me feel unwanted, because they were playing the games or they were too busy flirting with other women. when I find out that they are promiscuous players, it makes it easier to get over them. good thing I didn't have sex with them. I think that's why they didn't show that much interest-I wouldn't give it up, so they probably went for the easier ones.
I think that's something I do a lot. I try to seem like I don't care that much so that I can avoid seeming clingy and see if the guy will try to contact me on his own. I do wish people could just be real though.
why can't people just be real with each other?
i started texting thsi guy i used to have a thing with 2 years ago & he kept bring up our past sexual encounter & saying how we haven't hungoout in awhile and should and basically apologized for the way we left things before. yes, probably trying to get some booty but the way he had to word everything made it seem like he totally was considering going back to the way we were. regardless i wasn't interested. if things didn't work out the first time it obviously won't work our the 2nd. not to mention he sent me the wrong text once CLEARLY indicating that he was talking to another girl. needless to say. . .don't hate the player.. hate the game. hahahaha.
At first I tried to play this game. I thought that maybe this is his type, you know, to play hard to get and stuff (though it all started through bbm). We met once after some bbm conversation, it went well. But after the meeting, the communication went bad and I just disliked this game. I'm not the type of aggressive woman. I just wish we could just be real to ourselves. I expected him to be a man and stopped playing the game of who cared less or such. I regret that I was willing to play the game by his rule. My biggest mistake. Now it's over. Game over. :)))
I think we should be with someone who's real. And mature. Playing 'that' game is just suitable for teenagers. I think it's kinda cute (for teenagers) hehe. But when you're in your 20s and almost 30, nahh, this is just not right to play such game. Let's just be real! Just my .02 ;)))
...So your advice to women is to care less about their relationships? Because you're afraid of getting hurt? Sounds like you're gonna be alone for a long time. Oh, you'll still meet guys, flirt with them, have plenty of sex, so on and so forth...But you'll always be alone.
It sounds to me like you've just been meeting the wrong kind of guys. Perhaps if you looked somewhere other than a club or a bar?
i've found it is best to develop naturally from a close friendship. personally i just try to deny feelings for a guy to myself, until i'm certain that he is what i want. its not a manipulative game really, i'm just trying to make sure i don't settle for something that i don't want just because of my stupid feelings! lol never can trust those things.
Some people say thatwhoever cares the least in the relationship has the most power.
First time I've heard that. It's stupid. The whole point of a relationship is to care...
humans are the dumbest species, ever. -_- god forbid people just say whats really up but simply continue running around playing the "i wonder" game. lol.
Whoever cares less has the upper hand, not the person who can pretend they care less. If you are more invested in the relationship than the other person, but pretend to care less, at the end of the day, when the other guy/girl moves on because they actually don't care, you're the one who's gonna be hurt.
Anyways games are stupid if you like someone, show it, if you don't, move on.
Problem is with comments...
they are usually full of political truths and opinions
and they do not equal real behavior.
Although we shouldn't play games, we do. And people do respond to the games and fall for them.
@Superman_aka_NEPP@xanga - Could you elaborate a bit more? Not that I'm attacking you just I really did not get that interpretation out of this post at all.
Look game playing is inevitable, it's something that has existed throughout the centuries just perhaps in more subtle manners. Casanova or other typical Don Juan types are clear examples. I'm not saying that they're right or that people should continue to follow them but just to expect and be prepared for them at times. Better yet, try to maintain control and keep your options open, a.k.a date multiple people at one time so your not stuck with one option that's permeated and thick with bullshit.
Personally, I fucking hate game playing. It was unbelievably frustrating to deal with that level of immaturity and insecurity in high school, and I certainly don't put up with it for too long now. These days I'll gauge the caliber of the woman I'm dating and if she starts playing games I'll give it right back to her with interest. If she keeps it up after that then I drop her ass and move on because I don't have the patience to deal with someone like that. Constant game playing just exudes insecurity, immaturity, and negativity, none of which are qualities that I find appealing nor that I want in my life or in a partner.
Yeah I think this an extremely shallow way of looking at things. This is exactly why we have problems maintaining long term relationships in our society.
If someone disrespects me enough to muck with me, its time for them to hit the road.
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Be real with each other, and if the person isn't being real with you, confront them, and leave if it comes to that. There is some truth to the statement, however, if there is someone in the relationship who "cares least", then there is something wrong with the relationship.