Saturday, 30 July 2011
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Bestfriend Lost to Boyfriend
I used to be really great friends with this girl Nadine*. We’ve known each other since the sandbox days, but never became really close until high school. She actually became one of my best friends during one of the hardest times of my life which is why I felt like she was such a great person for being such a supportive friend.
However, things changed once she transferred to the same college as me and met her current boyfriend Alex*.
Alex is a very racist, rude, annoying, and obsessive guy. Nadine and Alex always used to fight, and this year they will be my next door neighbors. In the past year, a lot has happened between Nadine and me, and we aren’t really great friends anymore partly because of Alex and partly because she refuses to hang out or do anything without Alex.
I feel like I’ve seen more of her true colors recently over the past couple of months than I ever have in my life before. I have seen with my eyes how conniving she can be when she wants to get what she wants, and also how selfish she can be while appearing to be selfless. Every time we would hang out I was always 3rd wheel with her and Alex. They would be having excessive PDA no matter where we would go (food, shopping, movies, etc…) and it was the most uncomfortable situation to always be in.
I always felt like I was intruding on them.
I honestly am not sure what I should do about living near them this year. There apartment is above mine and even worse so is their bedroom. I want to not care and just act like I won’t have a problem with it, but I’m really regretting to have ever agreed on living so close to each other.
Both of them are so inconsiderate, and Alex is just intolerable. His constant insults and misogynistic behavior makes me so repulsed by even thought of him.
How should I deal with all of this? If I have problems with both of these irrational people, is there a rational way to handle it?
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (16)
Just... tell Nadine how you feel about this.
ive been in that situation. i feel like mine was a little more extreme, but all i have to say is- im glad shes gone. i can also say, theres definately people who will treat you a lot better and be more fun. maybe put her on the backburner until she gets her act together and start meeting more compatible friends.
My best friend has done that with two different boyfriends. We are no longer friends because she can't handle if I want to help her out of the self-destructive relationships.
I was friends with this girl for at least four years, and lost her to her douchebag boyfriend. To be fair, she changed completely because of him (never realized she was so weak) and became distant from me because apparently I vented to her too much over my mom dying in 2009.
Oh my bad, I thought we were friends? I never told her I was sick of her complaining. The minute I expressed aggravation with her attitude, she decided we shouldn't be friends anymore. Did I really lose something?
I think in response to your post, I'd try my best to ignore them. If they're causing noise disturbances after you tell them they're keeping you awake at night and driving you nuts, let your landlord know, or whoever's in charge of keeping ordinances. I wouldn't put up with the shit, since she isn't being a friend to you. I don't know, it's easy to give advice when you're totally objective, but to be in the middle of it is different. I can empathize. But yeah, I'd talk to them both about it, or just Nadine, and if she doesn't cooperate I'd just end the friendship. Fuck them both of they don't treat you respectfully, and if she prefers to be led around by a dick. Some women are just like that.
I think you should just move and leave her behind if she asks why you can either tell her the truth or just lie. You don't need to stay around people that are hurting you.
does it feel good to be able to vent your own side of things while "Nadine" has no way of replying with her own perspective?
I get that your situation is tough, wish you the best, la de da de, but what are you looking for here other than a truckload of sympathy? So you're not friends with her anymore; so what? This happens all the time. Time is no guarantee of long-lasting. Maybe she sees things in you as well that she would have rather not seen. Just move on and be graceful towards your enemies. If the question is about your apartment, presumably you already signed a lease so there's little you can do about that.
tell nadine, or if you're not comfortable in telling face to face u can always email her or write a letter then pass to her.
if she still treats you as a friend, she'll know what to do.Hmm...this situation kind of reminds me of my own with my sister and her boyfriend. Everything is about him now, so it's kind of taken a toll on our relationship.
Yeah, I had a best friend from high school who turned into an ex-best friend as a result of a boyfriend. She started treating me just like her now ex-boyfriend treated her. I'm wondering if she will actually turn around. Maybe I'll have to write her a letter since it's too hard to tell her to her face.
I feel like I'm your "friend" Nadine. I spend so much time keeping up with my boyfriend, that I lose out on my best friend. My friend wouldn't threaten to cut me off like he would, so she's definitely someone to make up to.
@ScarletMoth@xanga - Isn't that basically every post on here and generally everywhere as well? Don't we always want some sort of sympathy or finding people in the same kind of situation, so we can relate? I think that's human nature at least.
she sounds like a negative person in your life and i would distance myself from her honestly. i know it is hard to lose a friend that was so close but she isn't the same Nadine you were so close to. I would move and if they say anything just be like sorry it didn't work out or something. or at least move to another apartment in the building. i understand, i have lost 2 best friends because of guys and you see the things that they don't see because love is blind. but one day, she will finally see his true colors and she will expect you to be there for her when she gets dumped or watever. that is your call though if you will be there for here. he sounds like a horrible influence on her and im sorry it worked out that way. just distance yourself. and if she cares, she will notice, if she doesn't well then you know where you stand with her.
@Hinase@xanga - it's possible to request sympathy/attention without trashing someone else, IMO, and a lot of people are able to successfully do that on xanga.
I get your point, but I've also been/been the friend of the "other" person who has been wildly misrepresented- I can almost guarantee "Nadine" would have a much different perspective on the situation. And it can be very painful for that person if they come across a blog where a bunch of strangers call them a bitch for something they don't feel like they did. So if the sympathy you want has to come at the potential expense of making other people feel bad, whether or not I can relate to it, that sucks.
talk to nadine, she should care.
she probably has no idea how you feel. talk to her.all the talking in the world comes down to one thing sometimes. some people just suck at being in a b/f, g/f relationship and doing things with their friends at the same time.