Friday, 29 July 2011
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How Much Should Your Family Know When it Comes to Your Sex Life?
The discussion about sex has always been an awkward one in my family. My mom asked me over and over again if I was having sex and once I finally admitted it I was in big trouble. Despite her anger I was immediately put on birth control (a smart move in my opinion). Even though my mom has known I've been having sex for years, we've never talked about it.Some of my friends have candid discussions about sex with their parents and I can't ever imagine doing the same. My mom hides my birth control pills every time someone comes over to the house in fear they will sneak into my room and find the pills on the nightstand. Apparently the idea of people knowing I have sex at 21 years old with a serious boyfriend is too much to handle.
Today at the pool I mentioned to my aunt that the switch in birth control has really made me feel bloated. She proceeded to talk to me about it without a care in the world while my mother looked horrified. Even though it didn't bother my aunt one bit, for some reason my mom cannot stand any mention of anything pertaining to sex.
In her family sex was always taboo. Sex was as dangerous as talking about religion or politics. In her family, what you didn't know couldn't hurt you.
Should talk of sex be taboo in families? A family unit is supposed to be our best source of support, so when we have a problem that involves sex shouldn't we be able to talk to them about it? I can't even imagine talking to my parents about sex but maybe that's only because I've been conditioned this way.
Maybe if parents had more candid discussions with their children about sex we wouldn't have as many STD's or teenage pregnancies. Knowledge is power, so if parents know, even vaguely, about their children's sex lives wouldn't they be able to do more to prevent catastrophe? Maybe we should all be more open about sexuality. Keeping sex a "bottom shelf paper bag" topic may create more problems than it alleviates.
Do you believe talking about sex with your family is taboo or something that should be discussed?
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- From: thesecondlizomnibus@xanga
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Comments (40)
I don't like to talk about sex with my family. I don't really talk about it with my friends either. This confuses people because I write about sex, but very rarely do I write about my personal sex life. It's not because I think you shouldn't, but because I am more comfortable keeping some things private unless there is some reason to share them. My mom helped me get BC pills many years ago, so there is that. I don't feel like I can't talk to them, I just prefer not to.
It should be discussed, but then again... You don't really want to know your parents' sex life. It's just.....AWKWARD, haha. I guess discussing about general stuff and prevention and all is good. It also depends on the parents. Maybe they just don't want to hear that you're doing all this stuff already because in their eyes you are still their little kid.
Growing up, my parents never talked to my siblings and I about sex. Once I hit 18, though, my mom told me she would help me get birth control if I ever wanted it. At 19 I started having sex, and thus asked my mom about it. She took me to the gyno and I got my birth control pills.
I liked my mom's approach. I think she knew her kids would be responsible even if we all started having sex at an earlier age. Although my parents and I don't discuss sex much beyond protection, I like how easily it was for me to bring it up when the time came.
My best friend gets horrified at the though of discussing sex with her mom, even though she considers her mom to be one of her closest friends. She tells me that she wants to see a gyno but is afraid to ask her mom to take her. That just...sucks. I think once you pass the age of 18 parents should be more open with the idea of their children having sex.
Sorry to hear you share a somewhat similar situation as my friend. But hey what can ya do?
I don't talk about sex to my family, but to my mom and sometimes my sister. My mom put me on birth control when I was 16 so I'd be ready just in case and also because of cramps, but I was really thankful that she did. I always hear such embarrassing stories from my friends about having to talk to their moms about birth control. My mom had trouble talking about it with her mom so she learned from it and didn't want it to be the same way with my sister and I.
Everyone in my family, except my sister, is on a need-to-know basis concerning my sex life.
psh they are getting sex talks as soon as they are old enough (probably about 5th or 6th grade, with the condition I dont want them having sex until they are at least 18, though I might approach the boys differently depending on their father's outtake). Definitely getting the whole STD and pregnancy package, as well as saving sex for the person they love. I never got any of that from my parents and guess what? Things happen in the heat of the moment. I would not want my child to commit the errors I almost did.
For years I denied I was having sex, even though I was living with my boyfriend. Finally my mom asked me a question about birth control and I just answered her question. I would prefer that my children could talk about anything with me, even sensitive issues like sex.
I have never really talked to my family about sex. The only family member I have even mentioned it to is my mom, but we don't get into any kind of detail. We discuss birth control tho, and its no big deal. I wish my parents had been more comfortable discussing it with me when I was kid. I would have been smarter about it if I had been able to ask questions.
I don't think you necessarily need to get into "oh this position is really good for reaching your g spot" or whatever, but talking to kids about STDs and using protection is definitely something parents should do. I learned everything I know through sex ed and through experience. Not the best way to learn imo.
When I took my mom to her gyno during her onset of menopause, I learned the my "passionate" father still wants to get busy with her when my brother or I are not home. THAT opened a WHOLE case of worms because soon after I was with my SO for about 6 months, she asked me if I was using "protection". I learned about birth control pills and its safety from my family doctor (he's about late 50s--my dad's age) and it made me really uncomfortable but happy that he's encouraging me to be on it than relying on condoms. My mom gets curious with an uncanny eagerness to know of my sex life with my now fiance, but mostly because she's worried that this form of BCP will cause breast cancer (I've had Hodkin's when I was 19) and it freaks out to know that I'm using a full blown contraceptive without her knowing about it for approx six months (actually, it was a year by the time she found out but the less she knows, less worried she is).
My dad, as far as we know, would rather be in the dark even though when I have a baby (grandkid) one day, he'll know that we've been doing it as two hetrosexual indivuals CAN. I can talk openly about the basic things that goes on about my sex life with my mom--without TMI sharing--only NOW because I'm engaged and she loves my SO as her future son in law, but when she found out that I wasn't a virgin (I was 23 for pete sakes) when my dad read my diary, holycow they thought I was going to die by their reaction. I'd probably attempt something more up to date info sharing with my future daughter, but she's getting better, my mom....
My female cousins in Korea don't even TALK about their relationships with their mothers so my mom always expressed that she's happy with our leveled communication about my health, relationships, and yes, love life in whole.
Sex isn't really a topic discussed in my household. In fact, we don't really talk much about anything that pertains to our private lives. We don't know when someone is dating someone else unless it's posted on facebook or anything. In fact, I'm pretty sure my dad has cancer and hasn't told us kids.
I guess it's a little unhealthy to not have anyone to talk to. But then again, as in awe I am of peers who can be so candid with their parents, I do believe there is such a thing as being too open.
I never discussed sex with my parents or any other member of my family. It really is a taboo subject for us. I don't really understand why that is because it is a natural thing. I don't know...I guess the discussions are better saved for Friday nights with my girlfriends over a couple bottles of wine.
I don't discuss sex with my parents, mainly because even if we can speak casually enough about it to make jokes, I don't ever want to imagine them having sex stories like mine. -shudders-
My dad came to me when I was 19 (after I'd lost my virginity and had a serious girlfriend) to ask, "You know about uh...relationships and stuff, right?" 'Yes, dad, you don't have to make this any more awkward.' "Cool."
My dad doesn't ask, I don't tell my grandparents. My best friend asked me when I was going to disclose the loss of my virginity to my grandmother, and my response --without skipping a beat-- was "When I'm pregnant." They don't need to know, and I don't need to tell. :)
It's not taboo in my house but it's something I'd rather talk about with my friends. Even as a teenager I was much better off learning about sex in school and online. I've known more about sex then my own parents so that makes it even more awkward. Every once in a blue moon my mom will try to get sex advice from me though lol XD
My parents don't really talk about it with me, nor do I share any information with them either. But somehow, I think they know that I'm not a virgin. My first serious girlfriend's (my first and I was her first) dad was snooping around her room while she was away at college and found the box of condoms we had in her dresser. Her mom called her up and said her dad was very upset with her because he found that box. But, afterwards, everything seemed fine and her mom said, "Well, at least we know he was your first." Sometimes, I feel a little afraid to look them in the eye the next time I see them. Hahaha.
I don't think family necessarily wants to know the details, but it's not exactly taboo in my family. With my kids I haven't made any subject off limits. I think it would be silly to do so. I've taught my daughter that letting a boy touch you either kills you or you get pregnant... so she knows I think it is important to wait until marriage. However, I'm not stupid... waiting till marriage is the foundation. She decides when, and while I don't exactly want to know, I have also taught her birth control is her responsibility, not mine. She will need to let me know so I can take her to the doctor and get it all set up sometime years from now! My boys... I have taught them to respect girls by not touching them in private areas (they are 8 and 10 & some boys their age don't know this yet???). They will also be taught that birth control will be their responsibility. Birth control is the responsibility of each person, not just women.
Unless I catch a life-threatening STD, nothing. The less they know the better for all.
Depending on how close/comfortable you are with your family. Weird, my mother was always open about sex and I too, became open but I'm sure to survey situation before opening my mouth. Everyone is sure different when it comes to it.
My family is incredibly open about sex and my parents have always expressed how it is completely my choice whether I'd like to have sex with my boyfriend or not, and they don't care what we do as long as we're safe about it. I am waiting for marriage, but it is nice to know that my family isn't even slightly judgemental.
how much does my family know? nothing. and they never will.
Lol, that's how my parents are. All they ever said maintaining to sex was - DO NOT HAVE SEX OR ELSE I WILL MURDER YOU.
Haha but I got the sex talk from my aunt and uncle this year in deep depth. About how you could tell if a guy was a virgin or not LOL. Then when we got home they scolded my mother for not giving us the "talk".
i don't say too much, it's my business, not theirs.
My mom has an open policy about sex. If my friends or me had any questions about sex, we would go to my mother and she would answer it. Her mother never taught her about sex, or her period, or even her body - it was her father that taught her. And she promised herself that she would teach all her children about their bodies because sex is not a dirty secret - it is something that has the potential to bring life into the world and should be viewed as a positive thing instead of a negative if it is done in a trusting relationship. She would always answer my questions without embarrassment, but I felt embarrassed about asking them. However, she never steered me wrong when it came to sex questions and body questions.
She taught me about my period when I was ten and told me how to prepare for it. When I turned twelve and got my period, I knew immediately what it was and I was psychologically prepared for it (unlike my friend who thought she was bleeding to death and started crying at school). I merely got up, went to the bathroom, washed myself off, and found the pads my mom had just in case I started. I knew how to put one on and I knew I was going to experience changes.
I am grateful my mom is willing to answer any questions about sex, but I wish I had asked her more questions and wasn't embarrassed to ask them when I was younger. But I will definitely have the same open door policy about my children and their bodies and the changes they will face.
Of course, my parents are aware that my husband and I do have sex, but that's it! I don't tell them when, how, or what. Not even if they ask. Because my sex life with my husband is between us, and that's it.
I think that you should be able to talk to your parents/children about sex. You shouldn't over share, but you you shouldn't make things taboo. It's a touchy subject, each person has their own idea of what's "too much" to share.
I can't imagine mentioning it to my parents. I know if I were to mention that I should have a gyno visit (I'm 18 and haven't had one) my stepmother would ask the gyno if I've had sex. I know this because a friend of hers took her daughter to the gyno and my stepmother wanted to know if she'd asked, and she's mentioned it on a couple of occasions. I haven't, but it's not like it's any of her business. And my dad would flip his shit if I were to mention anything related to it.
Why would anyone's parents
needto know? My mom tries to get me to slip and saying something all the time, but that shows that she wants to know but even more, wants to believe I'm a little angel who is waiting for marriage. I'm always on guard though. And besides... why would I tell my parents?! Ew.