Thursday, 28 July 2011
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Does Being Inexperienced Give You a Bad Name?
There comes a point in certain times of your life where “you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.” I think being inexperienced with sex can sometimes be one of those times. I was raised in a sheltered home, with a conservative, religious and strict Latina mother who gave me a curfew to be home at 9PM and to be in bed no later 10PM. It was as suffocating as it sounds.
Needless to say, all throughout high school, I was very much a prude. Not to say that it was necessarily a bad thing, but it did mean that I was the last one out of all my friends to have my first kiss, to lose my virginity, and the last one to meet my first love. Now I know it’s not a race to accomplish doing all these things before the rest of your friends, but being inexperienced sometimes made it hard for me to relate to my friends since I had no idea what it was like to be going through what they were going through.
In today’s society, a girl gets talked about for one of two reasons, either 1) She’s a slut, meaning that she is sexually active and promiscuous meaning that she has a lot of experience. Or 2) She’s a prude meaning she is very homely and conservative meaning she is very inexperienced. Again, I repeat, “Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”
It’s hard for a girl to fit within the medium that society declares acceptable.
As a teenager, I felt very insecure about my lack of experience. It was awkward when you got to the “never have I evers” during a game of Kings. It was uncomfortable when everyone had a sex story to tell, and all I could do to contribute to the conversation is be a good listener. Even though I’m no longer that inexperienced girl I used to be, looking back embarrasses me a little still today. As I get older, I feel more and more indifferent about the stigma of having been the girl to do everything last.
I feel like it was so long ago and in many ways I don’t even recognize the teenage girl I used to be.
Being inexperienced can have its awkward moments, but I realize now that "awkward" is just a part of life, and it’s about growth you make once you gain experience not the experience itself that matters.
Do you think being inexperienced is a good or bad thing?
Do you ever feel haunted by the thought of who you used to be?
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (19)
It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter in the end. There's pressure to be a certain way. There's always going to be, but you should never be someone you're not comfortable being or simply someone you're not.
It's time to grow up and stop crying about how "hard" it is.
I really don't think it matters how experienced you are, unless you make it an issue.
We all start out inexperienced but we can have a positive attitude and be adventurous to try things out with our partners. Inexperienced doesn't mean you can't ask honest questions about sex if that's what your friends are talking about. Waiting to have sex and having fewer partners throughout life is a good thing, don't make it sound otherwise.
I think being inexperienced in your teenaged years is perfectly fine, if not admirable. And if you're happy with not being experienced in later years, more power to you.
However, at 26, I have no interest in dating virgins, myself. If, for some horrible reason, I was no longer with my boyfriend, I would not want to have to teach another person my age how to have sex or even how to kiss. I've had to do both twice. It's tiresome, and two times is enough for me.
I was a virgin until I was almost 20, and people made fun of me but I didn't care.
Now I'm 25 and like someone else already said, at my age I wouldn't date a virgin.
I also don't label people as sluts though, so eh, whatever. Everyone needs to do what's right for them.
Since I was like, 15 I've always wanted to wait until I was married to have sex. I don't really care what society has to say about it. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think either way, it's your decision. I never really had a problem with waiting. There was never a time I felt pressured to change my mind. Now I'm engaged and my fiance is also a virgin. I'm 100% happy I waited. I'd rather have an awkward first time with someone I'm going to be with forever than to sleep with someone just for the sake of 'fitting in'..whatever that even means.
I was never worried about being inexperienced, but I think being a virgin made a lot of the guys I knew hesitant to want to have sex with me. I was told by more than a few guys (not directly, but my friends told me) that they would have sex with me, but since I was a virgin, they wouldn't. I think it was more them thinking that I would instantly fall in love with them more than any inexperience. Who knows though.
who cares whos done what. i honestly don't give a eff when you lost your virginity. thats about as important to me as when you got your wisdom teeth pulled. people make it such a big damn deal and it really isn't. im 20 and a virgin and i don't even really think about it because i haven't met the right guy yet. so if anyone judges me then they obviously just feel stupid for giving it up to somebody that was wrong.
contrary to what seems to be popular opinion here, i actually would date a virgin (or otherwise inexperienced girl) without hesitation. i'd consider it a privilege to be her first. and we can learn together, as long as she has a good attitude about it.
people can complain about virgins just sucking at something they've never done before--but you're just as likely to find someone experienced who sucks just as much.
i also feel like these are the same people who will complain about not being able to get a job cause they have no work experience. everyone has to start somewhere.
I was never embarrassed or insecure about being inexperienced. sex wasn't a big deal when I was in high school, not in the promiscuous way, which I wasn't, but my friends were mostly tomboy geeks and only one of them talked about her sex life, which wasn't much to talk about since it was a short lived fling. so it depends on the type of people that you hang around with. I wasn't jealous of other peoples' sex lives. sex wasn't that important to me. I was mainly competitive in getting the higher grades.
I was actually one of those teenagers who waited until my second year of college to do anything. I chose to be that way. I could have easily dolled myself up at a young age and had my thong hanging out, drank underage at 16, like most of my graduating class but I didn't and dressed like a Tom Boy who didn't give a shit. Sure I had crushes on people that didn't give me the time of day because I didn't dress and act "popular" they brushed me off. That wasn't my main priority though. It was my studies. I didn't have my first drink until I was in college. I remember that night clearly, Mike's Hard lemonade, lmao.
I looked down upon people who knew and did sexual things at a young age. I even once had gotten into an argument over people hooking up in high school and they used the excuse what if they're just having fun and are protected, etc. It was really a dumb logic to excuse people in high school having sex. Nothing is ever 100% effective they just got LUCKY that nothing major happened. I wonder what they would do had something actually happened even though they did use so-called "protection."
I think it's better if you're inexperienced in high school. That's so messed up that even before people were able to get their licenses, they're already parents. I knew of a girl in my graduating class who got pregnant in 8th grade. She and her then boyfriend actually went on the Maury or Jerry Springer Show, lol.
Hooking up in high school really shouldn't be the focus because absolutely NO ONE is prepared, especially at that time for the consequences that follow. I thought people who did that in high school were nasty. Dating is alright, but doing the deed then - no. That's my opinion on the subject and I'm not going to change it for anyone that disagrees. I actually found out my guy I'm hanging out with now was like that in high school, but because he's definitely grown up since then, I don't really think about what he did then anymore. Most other people haven't changed and are still the same as they were 10 years ago which is sad. I definitely voiced my opinion loud and clear to him when I found out what he did, but because he learned from it the past is the past. Sometimes I wonder if I fit in the popular crowd in high school, would I be knocked up with a kid right now. What's done is done and I'm kinda glad I was the way I was. Everyone was immature back then and I'd rather meet people now who have grown up.
Hey guys... Nobody really cares about whether you've had sex or how often or when or how old you were, after school. This should be good news, as you all seem to obsess over what other people's opinions of your sex life is/should be.
i can relate to you. i was pretty shy and had strict parents, so the whole dating thing didn't really happen for me in high school. but my high school was pretty conservative, so i wasn't the only one by any means. i mean i dated guys, but it was never serious in any way. my freshman year in college changed all that and i made up for lost time. lol.
I was the only girl in my 11th grade crowd of friends that has yet to have her first "Real" kiss, nevermind a sex story to share. All my friends pretty much lost their "innocence" before 10th grade; they either did not have curfew or broke them as in habit, some of their relatives were in gangs, others in dealing drugs or sneaking into clubs, types. I don't know how I got close to these girls back then, but then I didn't fit much anywhere. I was too much of a social person to be too geeky and hang with the super smart sciency types, I didn't join choir but I had extra credits because of my extra curricular activities (violin quartet was formed and joined the band, yes...we played strings in a brass band). I was the only tall, non-smoking Asian in the crowd of Caucasian, African Canadian and Vietnamese..etc... So despite our age, they used to treat me like I was going to be a nun. I didn't believe that I needed to pay for a fake ID when I just had to wait. Also, with a 9PM curfew, good luck trying to go to a club when your mother has super powerful hearing skills. Heck, I didn't lose my virtue untl 23 so...yeah, relating to people who were "accidentally preggers" or drank something that made them pass out or were having problems finding a good bed partner...was not something I was worried back then. It made me feel very different and well, damned. But it passed after HS was done. Eventually I became experienced, but when I stopped trying to fit myself into a label or a category, it got easier for me. There are more ppl inexperienced than you think.
Not in my opinion. Some people may not want to teach you how to kiss or have sex, but even if they were with someone that had experience they would have to tell that person what to do if that person wasn't doing it right.
It doesn't bother me much. It's my decision and I couldn't care less what anybody else thinks. Sure, it causes awkward situations, but that doesn't phase me.
Being inexperienced shouldn't be labeled as being a good or bad thing. It's just something that is. I don't think anyone should ever feel insecure about their lack of experience or how much experience they have.