So, for a while now, I've been sleeping with my best friend. (She's taken, by the way.) So yes, she's been cheating on her boyfriend. Her boyfriend suffers from erectile dysfunction, so they haven't had sex in almost a year. Does that make it any less wrong? I've tried to justify it as just that, in my head, but I still feel guilty, as she does too, I'm sure. I've asked her to leave him for me, but she won't. She says as much as she's in love with me, she couldn't do that, that she loves and misses him more. I've tried talking some sense into her, but she won't give up on the idea that he's going to get better one day and be able to perform. It has been so frustrating lately.
They live together and have been with each other for 5 years. I can understand that leaving him would be a huge change. They're financially tied and have been through so many things. Is what I ask of her too much?
I need help. What would you do if you were in my situation?
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Comments (87)
Advice? You suck, go get castrated.
Stop sleeping with her. Simple as that. If she can't handle change or being able to work through the libido problem that her boyfriend is suffering from, she certainly doesn't deserve to be in a relationship (especially one that she is cheating on).
Advice? Stop what you're doing. Do no get in a relationship with her. It's up to her if she wants to be honest with her boyfriend and actually support him with his problems, but do not think asking her to jump out of that long term relationship to get right into one with you is going to do anyone a favor.
Be a real friend and tell her to get a vibrator. Why would she rather jump on anther dude in the first place rather than have the two of them work together on a sex life? There are pills he could take and there also other ways for her to be pleasured by her boyfriend that do not involve an erect penis.
You have to pick the right moment to convince her, if you know what I mean..
Even the movie depicted that "Friends with Benefits" don't really exist, at least, for not a long period of time. She is in a relationship with another man, if not being able to have sex with him is going to be a problem for her, perhaps she needs to figure out a solution for herself. You shouldn't have to be the "knight in shining armor" by satisfying her carnal needs. Either her boyfriend needs medical or psychological help with his problem or she needs a new boyfriend who can meet all her "significant other" requirements. Also, if she decides to dump her current boyfriend and hook up with you, who's to say she won't cheat on you with another man?
She's obviously not worth getting into a relationship with, and, quite frankly, neither are you, because I believe the cheater and the person knowingly sleeping with someone who's taken are equally scumbaggy.
IMO: There is never an excuse or reason to justify cheating! If you 'need' to cheat then you also 'need' to break up with your boy/girlfriend! (Grow a pair and be an honest person for a change!)
I would never cheat, or sleep with someone who's taken.
I've got higher standards than being the 'gal on the side' !
Stop sleeping with her. She already said she isn't leaving her boyfriend for you. I can't believe she's cheating on him after they've been together for five years anyway, what a bitch. She needs to break up with him or talk to him about having an open relationship but obviously she's not even communicating with him.
The reason that you feel guilty is because what you're doing is wrong. She is cheating, and you are knowingly participating. There is nothing that can make it "less wrong."
What should you do? Stop sleeping with her. Not like I really need to explain why, but here are a few reasons:
1. Her "love" for both of you is selfish. She's hurting both of you by cheating.
2. You're "the other guy." Not a good look.
3. Like they say, if she'll cheat WITH you, she will cheat ON you.
4. You're not happy with this setup, and she's not willing to change it.
You can do better (both relationship-wise and character-wise).
so you arent just loaningout your penis but getting emotionally involved? unless her boyfriends given her permission to find a lover due to his lack of being able to perform, you two are seriously fucked up. she should leave him and you should be ashamed of yourself mister.
Obviously shed rather be with you, she's just with him out of habit. Just wait it out, and they'll break up. Either that, or she'll end things with you. Eventually somebody's gonna get burned, though.
Actually, it's probably you who's gonna get burned. Ironically, you'll probably get a burning STD out of it as well - hope you don't get the same thing that caused his ED.
@ShirleyD@xanga - YOU GO GURLLLLLL
Are you serious? STOP! That's my advice. She loves him and misses him MORE. You said it yourself. Stop helping her cheat. You both feel guilty about it, so STOP!!!!!!!!
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - I agree with you up until you said "open relationship". I don't agree that that's a good solution to what they're dealing with or a good idea for anyone.
She's obviously using you. She doesn't love you. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have even cheated on him in the first place. She would've just left him. Wake up to reality and get away from her as fast as you can. Tell her that if she doesn't tell her boyfriend about the cheating, then you will. Do the right thing.
@ItIsAllGravy@xanga - If she would rather be with the OP, then she'd be with him. 'Nuff said.
Listen... Being that you're the "other" person, you need to get some self-respect and stop what you're doing. Even if she DID randomly decide to leave her boyfriend and be with you, what makes you think that she won't cheat on you, too? It's going to be a vicious cycle until you decide to end it. It's not fair to her man, and it's not fair to you. She's staying with her man because it's comfortable for her. And you're literally just the security blanket on the side, that she uses at her convenience. Is that really what you want for yourself? Think about it.
My advice? Only post such things here if you want judgment. You'll get plenty of that. Not much advice.
And to everyone who is giving him shit, back off... People cheat, get over it. It takes two to tango so obviously he is not the only one at fault. As a matter of a fact she is the only one cheating. She is the one chosing to betray her boyfriend. Not his fault, so don't bitch. Ugh.
She doesn't care about you and is using you for sex. If you had to make a post about this you already know how bad this is, and how f-cked up the situation is. Love doesn't use, lie, cheat, or steal.
What you and her are doing is wrong. There are vibrators for her needs. I feel that she may feel guilty if she leaves her current bf because of his condition and may be chastised for it. And she isn't financially able to move out and her bf may not want to be ....just friends.
@not_your_concern@xanga - Point taken, but it's not that simple. Sometimes people stay with somebody because it's in their comfort zone.
@xhalesx@revelife - I don't think an open relationship would ever work for me, but it's a huge step up from cheating on your partner without their knowledge, I think.
You both need to be punched in the face. Leave her and go find someone who is single! Or maybe you shouldn't date because it sounds like you would have no issue cheating on someone either.
wow, karma's a bitch and its going to bite you BOTH HARD in the ass. You need to get out of her life ASAP! she's not going to leave u for him, get that through your thick head and move on. sheesh don't worry you aren't at fault either, ur friend isn't any better of a person. I really feel bad for the guy. and HONESTLY as a dude how can u justify yourself by saying he as erectile dysfunction?! wow that's just LOW. I get you love her and all but she's using you basically for your penis so she can get the pleasure that her man can't provide. if she really loved you she would have left and if she was a good friend she wouldn't be using u.