Thursday, 28 July 2011

  • Could You Date Two People at Once?


    Tonight I was watching The Bachelorette and I watched Ashley explain how she has strong feelings for both of the final two guys. This is a typical scenario on The Bachelor/Bachelorette, "I am so torn between my final two!" However, at the end they always say that they knew all along who the right person for them was.

    It seems to me whenever they say they are torn; it's because network producers want you to be interested. If viewers know who is going to win there is no reason to watch the show anymore.

    I don't have friends who have really dated 2 guys at once. I've seen people cheat, but never seriously consider themselves in 2 different relationships. Can anyone REALLY date two people?I can't imagine dating someone else. Even if there was a gorgeous man asking me out, I couldn't do it.

    Carrie Bradshaw said, "the idea of seeing another man would be trying to fit another outfit into an already over-stuffed suitcase." Building two relationships would take immeasurable time and effort. Making one relationship work is hard enough. Trying to keep two boyfriends happy and yourself happy seems like too much work to handle.

    Apart from the "time and effort" issue, I believe one will always prefer one man over another if they are dating two men. They will always end up with one, and I don't think that they ever really debate which one it is. A person always knows where their true feelings are, even if their view may be a bit foggy. When you really care about someone, you only want to be with that person.

    Either the feelings are there... or they aren't.

    Do you think it's possible to maintain two relationships, happy or otherwise?

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Comments (17)

  • RestlessPhoenix@xanga

    I AM in two happy relationships. =) Admittedly, they're different levels of "serious" - but that's because I've been in one two years longer than the other. If I started them at the same time and under similar circumstances, it's conceivable they'd be equally serious.


    "When you really care about someone, you only want to be with that person.

    Either the feelings are there... or they aren't."

    I disagree. You can really care about your friends and still have other friends. It's certainly a different kind of attraction, and I don't blame the people who CAN'T cultivate those feelings for multiple people - but don't say it ONLY works your way when you haven't been within every other person's head. Everyone's different - some people can love one person, some people can love multiple, and some can't love at all, not to mention the many different and valid ways different people love one another (because of cultures, backgrounds, etc, etc).
  • WhimsicalOphelia@xanga

    Nothing wrong with dating multiple people if you aren't exclusively someone's boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • cubancutiepie@xanga

    I've been out on dates with many guys, one week I'll go on a date with one and then the next week another, but we are quite obviously not exclusive. I don't think that I've ever been in two relationships at once, unless you consider one time when I cheated on my ex with my best friend......which was a huge mistake. Personally for me, I find that one relationship is enough, I couldn't do two at once. 
  • GodlessLiberal@xanga

    I've dated two women at once. It was all fine having one for the weekdays and one for the weekends, then Valentine's day came up and they both wanted me to devote it to just one of them, and each thought that one person should be herself. Then things got a little too sitcomy for me, and I vowed to not do that again.
  • Pikabooxxd@xanga

    I called that cheater, immature, unfaithful. If you happen to love two person at the same time, pick the 2nd, because if you truly love the first you wouldn't have do that.
  • kor_girl@xanga

    As long as all parties understand that this is NOT an exclusive relationship, but the you are currently not wanting anything exclusive, what's wrong with that?


    You have more than ONE bestfriend don't you? Why can't you have more than ONE dating relationship? It's not the same; the two are never too similar to each other (othewise why bother dating two very alike guys), and you can't seriously compare "real" people having more than one dating relationships with the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows. They POOL one man/woman with a handful of competing men/women who will jump at the chance of being "The One" which is preposterous. They make out, if allowed, they'd sleep with the candidate to score. I dated four guys at once; keeping them all well informed that I'm not currently wanting exclusive relationship status with anyone (no sex, no kissing, etc), and if they are okay with that, I'm fine with them dating other girls too. It got inevitably reality-tv showy since someone saw me with another date and got jealous while THEY too were on a date with someone else and even though I kept my end of communication open and clear, they did not.  Then I met my guy and I let everyone go and seek their endeavours but it can happen. KEEP IT OPEN AND HONEST and you can have more than on datee. Just don't be sleeping with ONE while you only keep an arm's distance with the rest. ALL candidates should be on the same if not fair leveled playing field. Have fun!
  • Cambios@xanga

    I imagine it is possible but eh. Unless all people live under same roof and in the same bed it just wouldn't be the same for both "relationships".
  • xhalesx@revelife

    I was barely okay with going out with anyone else after my boyfriend and I had our first date, and we weren't even close to being in a relationship yet. I mean, I probably could have, but it would have been really hard for me to get through the date. And when I start dating someone (whether it's exclusive or not) I'm looking at a possibility of marriage. And he had a really good possibility. Still does.

  • thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga

    I know it's possible for some people and I feel like if everyone's honest and alright with it, that's fine with me. But personally I couldn't be in a relationship with more than one person at a time...I can't even casually date more than one person at a time. It's just not really my style...especially now that I'm with someone I want to marry. I can't imagine sharing him with anyone else and I know he feels the same way. I think if I was in relationships where I wasn't in love with either person it would be easier to pull off, but at that point it's just a friends with benefits situation anyway. I can't imagine having two relationships that last forever without exploding into some drama...and I want a relationship that lasts for the rest of my life.
  • Kittyluve@xanga

    I've done it.  It wasn't fun.
  • xxfl1@xanga

    okay. dating and relationships are two seperate things. i support people who want to date around and sample until they find someone ideal for a relationship. nothing wrong with that.
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    sure, if you're not the jealous type, which I am:x
  • HeLLo_Bianca@xanga
    I've dated two guys at once. It wasn't easy and it made me feel like a slut.
  • The_Woods_Of_Oz@xanga

    I'm currently dating two guys.  Its not their business what I do because we aren't committed.  Unless it was irresponsible, unprotected sex.  Which its not.


    I used to do the multiple boyfriends thing in high school.  It was exhausting because back then it was such a big deal to "cheat" on my boyfriend who I only held hands with between classes. 
  • brosephine@xanga

    I wouldn't want to try.
  • superGchik@xanga

    i think i could possibly date but nothing more than just going out, spending time together, nothing intimate bc i wouldn't feel comfortable doing that at all.
  • louize_tsangy@xanga

    It is possible to date two guys at once, however it is difficult to
    maintain both relationships ensuring both are happy. It does seem quite
    pointless to be going from one guy to another, it's like having two
    halves of one relationship.. when you could be having one whole
    relationship with just one person. Then again, this is why dating is
    important.. so we know which one we want to be in a relationship with.

    If
    you are to have two(or more) relationships simultaneously, this should
    be communicated otherwise things could turn sour. Suppose you're having
    sex with two people, if either of them were to find out they are not the
    only person you were having sex with, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be
    too happy about it. If everyone knows the relationship is NOT exclusive
    from the start and it is agreed then the status is known, there should
    be no lies to deter talk away from the exclusivity such as i'm too busy
    to date other women. Honest is the best policy! Being honest from the
    beginning means all involved know what kind of situation they might be
    getting into which can prepare them from being hurt, STI's, awkward
    situations bumping into each other, hearing friends talking about them.

    I
    do think that after say one month, there will be stronger feelings for
    one man. Also, we all run busy lives right? The majority of us have
    friends, family, a job or school.. Time is important, when it is
    apparent whom you have stronger feelings for, I'm guessing there would
    be an urge to want to spend more time with them, and not waste time and
    money with the other.

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