Wednesday, 27 July 2011
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Will I Ever Have Great Sex Again?
Seems like a weird question to ask, right? No. Overall, I’ve had some pretty good sex, but only ONCE in my life have I had GREAT, AMAZING, ORGASMIC sex, and I am only referring to intercourse. I don’t mean to be crude, but I know this is an issue for many girls out there.
Now I also know many girls who haven’t had any great sex at all, but once you’ve had great, it’s kind of hard to settle for good again. That’s what it feels like at least, it feels like settling. I always found it to be so unfair that girls always have to find that one perfect spot just so it can be mind blowing while the guy has it great and easy every time.
It frustrates me and worries me that I’ve gotten lucky just once.
I’ve still been doing it with the same guy who it was great with the last time, but I haven’t reached that same climax again. It’s a little aggravating to feel so close and yet so far. I feel like I’ve reached this dead end.
I like having sex. For one thing, it’s healthy, and for another its fun and it’s even better when you love the person you’re having it with. My situation doesn’t suck at the moment, but I just want to improve it. I’m just curious to know how other people have dealt with this problem in the past and if they’ve found solutions that worked?
I almost feel like I jinxed it too because after the one and only great time, I told some of my really close girlfriends, and now all the times after have just been mediocre. I talked to a girl with a similar situation and she told me that she was able to repeat the great sex again, but that sometimes it was great and sometimes it was just okay.
On the website, netdoctor, they said that every woman should be capable of having an orgasm, but that the majority of women will not have that orgasm through intercourse alone. According to them, most women need to be stimulated with oral sex or fingering to have an orgasm, but in my case, it was only through intercourse.
Did you ever have an issue with having an orgasm again? What did you do to repeat it again?
Well, until it happens again, I’ll be hoping it comes soon…(Pun intended) ;)
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About the Author
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- From: savyadvice
- About Me: Born and raised in NYC, I am about to be a senior in college, and still feel clueless about exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate. For most of my life, I haven't been involved in anything too serious except for one relationship 2 years ago and one that is progressively getting serious now. Dating can be really exciting or extremely stressful sometimes, I'm excited to try and unblur (just coined a new word) the fine lines between the two here on this site. =)
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Comments (65)
It is very hard to find that one spot so it makes having GREAT sex a rare thing. My husband and I have good sex - I can enjoy it without actually having great sex - but sometimes it does get aggravating when you are... craving (for lack of a better word) GREAT sex. I've come to realize a lot of it is mental so when you're in the right mind set, when the mood is perfect, "all the stars are aligned" (haha so corny) then it makes it way easier to achieve.
Gaaah. I'm gonna go wash my eyes. x_x
I'm married and wonder that. I had a really great lover once and I can agree that he ruined other experiences for me. I guess we had a "perfect fit" and the right chemistry to make it amazing.
Wow, this is sort of depressing to me. I'm multiorgasmic and getting off is pretty easy for me. Honestly I think part of it is because I learned how to give MYSELF orgasms and got proficient at it before I ever even had sex.
That said, my current boyfriend got me off more times than I could even count the first time we even just fooled around and didn't have sex, and that was the most mindblowing thing in the world to me so I can see your point. And the sex was even more amazing. And just keeps getting better.
My advice: Women need to masturbate a lot more often. Seriously. You get better at orgasming the more you do it. And if it's a matter of stimulation, get on top of the guy and use your own hand if you need to or guide his hand. And relax. Sometimes I think people overthink it to the point that it becomes impossible. If you're thinking about what's actually going on in that moment and just focusing on how each second feels instead of thinking ahead to when you may or may not orgasm, you'll be a lot more likely to be like "Holy crap this feels amazing." and then you'll get off.
Note: I use a vibrator. My own hand is not exciting to me, okay. If you're not used to orgasming - get a vibrator. No, you will not lose sensitivity. You will get better at reaching orgasm.
hmm. ive had pretty awesome sex but not that movie kind of sex thats mind blowing and the orgasm lasts a ridiculous amount of time. you know. lol. and ive only orgasmed through just intercourse ONCE. the other times had some help as you mentioned. being a woman sucks sexually sometimes. sigh. haha. so i hope you get that movie great sex again. hell, i hope for it!
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Masturbating cannot compare with mind blowing sex, no matter how great one may be at it. There's something about that body on body physical connection that makes sex hotter. But you're right, you can kind of train your body to have orgasms more often if you take care of yourself a lot.
I'm "multi-orgasmic" too but some guys just know how to do things better and actually try, while others don't. Besides, some bodies/extremities fit together perfectly and it's easy to have fireworks when you're both compatible in that way.
@Joobie82@xanga - Uh...Yeah. I'm not comparing masturbation to sex, I'm saying use it as a tool to help you start having better sex.
I've had mediocre and even terrible sex before, but honestly most of the time I was still able to get off when I wanted to.
The author of this post is with a guy who has already found her elusive magic spot once, and she's wondering how to make that happen again...so I'm giving her advice.
I could just say "Well find a guy who tries really hard in bed and whose body is ridiculously compatible with yours" and while that's certainly ideal, it isn't the easiest thing to actually accomplish.
Figuring out how you can get off even if you're with a guy who can't find your clitoris with a map seems like a solid plan for every woman.
Oh, and if you're with a guy who doesn't even try in bed... stop having sex with him.
Could you ask him if he remembers what he did and redo it? Maybe if you figured it out, it could be redone with him and anybody in the future.
I've discovered some info while talking to my guy and he actually said that sometimes he holds back his strength in fear of hurting the woman. so with prior communication, I'll give him the a-ok to go full force
so rough sex usually works for me. just go at it like a literal sex maniac
lol the tamer kind of sex is romantic and nice at times but doesn't really do it if I'm expecting orgasms. however, the passionate slower sex is also enjoyable even without the orgasm.
nope. never had an issue of having great sex again. the best way to achieve that is communication. let your guy know what to do, how to move, ect. and let him tell you what he likes too. seriously both of you paying attention to eachother (likes/dislikes/ect) can make for great sex more often than not.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - I can't even touch myself within the same week that I have sex with my bf. I never used to get off before I met this guy, not even through self-stimulation. It just didn't work ever. I think I really can only orgasm once a week. Like a guy, when they have that time that has to happen in between sex for it to work again. For some dudes the time is seconds, for others its hours.
Maybe the OP is like me and just has to wait a really long time for it to happen again.
I never had an orgasm. I feel so inexperienced.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - You and your boyfriend only have sex once a week?
I don't know how old are you, but i guess is an experience thing. Sex is about practice and knowing your body. I'm 32 and by now i can reach orgasm everytime i have sex and if i'm lucky enough and the partner is good i can reach lots of orgasms in one time. So learn about your body and the things you like and make you orgasm, is easier if you explore yourself.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Yes, as we only see each other once a week.
And this is why I will only be having sex with one person. Practice makes perfect though. Even if the great sex was an accident, you'll never know how you reached it unless you keep trying.
It's not great and easy for guys every time either heh.
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - I agree, that's usually advice I give to most girls. Although I don't know if she's having trouble having an orgasm or just having one as great as she did that one time. I've had friends who talk about "there was one time!" and keep referencing back to that one time when they had toe curling mind blowing etc etc sex, yet have multiple orgasms pretty much every time they get it on. It's just the difference between that extreme and the usual.
it only happens for me when doggying at certain angles legs on the guys shoulders missionary lol tmi. but yeah. it took me like 5 years to actually experience orgasm by penetration. i prolly had some kind of mental block that kept me from orgasming cuz its been the same guy for years and hes been doing the same thinggggg lolllllll
i've totally had this issue before. i understand where you're coming from, completely irritating & annoying. for some reason, i've only "had an orgasm" a handful of times during sex & i've had multiple partners none of which pleased me until my current boyfriend. Oral sex does the trick for me but i seriously never orgasm during sex anymore. its depressing but don't feel bad because you're not alone! (;
It's weird because I could probably get myself off in like 60 seconds flat, but with a guy, it has happened maybe three times. I'm always so worried about the guy having an orgasm, that I'm never able to orgasm myself. :/ I've had sex with three guys, the first guy would get off in like two minutes, but I actually had an orgasm with him. The second guy took FOREVER to get off, and that's when I started thinking that there was something wrong with me, that I was bad at sex, and that I needed to try harder. So I stopped getting off because I was always worried about the guy. My current boyfriend takes quite a while to get off, like half an hour, is that long? I feel like 30 minutes is pretty long for a guy, is it not? I don't know, anyway, I just feel inadequate sometimes, I guess I just expect them to last only a few minutes like the first guy. I want them to be so turned on by me that they can't last more than five minutes, but that hasn't happened since my first boyfriend, so I kind of feel like a failure. My point is, my sex life has turned into me not even trying to orgasm, but trying to make the guy orgasm. I guess that didn't answer your question, sorry, I just felt like venting.
i had to learn how to give myself orgasms first. Some guys don't know what they are doing :/
I've been with a new guy for almost a year now and it took us some time to "get things right". Now, I orgasm almost every time, sometimes even multiple times. And those aren't just "mediocre" orgasms, they're the really good kind.
I guess I'm one of the few girls that ONLY get off from intercourse. Oral sex and manual stimulations are awesome foreplay, but they just don't get me to that certain point.
"I always found it to be so unfair that girls always have to find
that one perfect spot just so it can be mind blowing while the guy has
it great and easy every time."
WELL FREAKIN' SAID! Alas, I've yet to have an orgasm during intercourse, so I can't help you with your dilemma. :(
I've kind of given up on expecting to have any sex at all, let alone great sex.
I have great sex with my bf and I've never had any problem having orgasms either.