I've found the more free I am to be flirtatious in a relationship the happier I am. I think that's probably because my idea of "flirty" is really just "nice person" to everyone else. My boyfriend and I are both naturally flirty people but we both know that there is a big difference between flirty and actively pursing someone else outside of the relationship. Sometimes it's just fun to remember that you've got appeal outside of your relationship. It can be uplifting.

I'm bisexual and people always seem to assume that means I'm nonmonogamous. I'm a monogamous DATER. I don't even understand how people can go on a few dates with multiple partners over the course of a month or something...if I'm dating someone to see if I want to be with them, I'm only dating them, even if it's not "official." It's weird, I guess, but it's just how I operate.

I'd never cheat on my boyfriend...I love him like crazy. He's away on deployment with the Navy right now and you hear so much about people cheating on their partners in the military but we're both ridiculously faithful and don't even worry about it.

Ah, the old debate...

@vicdaily@xanga - I actually read a xanga post recently that detailed recent scholarship suggesting female incentive to have multiple partners also.  I wish I could remember it, because it was fascinating.  Maybe one of the Xanga Sciencists will propound on it.

I don't really notice other guys when I'm happy in my relationship. My guy friends and I go back and forth with funny innuendos when the opportunity arises, but it's not really flirting. I always thought it weird that most guys that have approached me, and I'm nice to, take that as flirting or a sign of interest. But I'm only being polite and not in a giggly or flirtatious way at all. If a girl flirts with my boyfriend, deep down I want to punch her, but I also find it rather comical because he will blatantly express no interest in her. So he and I are on the same page really. Neither of us would consider flirting cheating, but we also have no interest in flirting with anyone else. We're both monogamous, neither of us could ever not be. I don't care if people are polygamous. I have a lot of friends who are. The only thing that makes me hate a person is when they are a lying and cheating scum bag of a person. There really is no excuse for it. Grow a pair and either be honest about it or end the relationship and go sleep around. But don't be a sorry excuse for a person and lie through your teeth and cheat on someone you can somehow manage to still look in the eyes and say, "I love you" to. That's seriously messed up and I think people like that are scum.

@RazorBladeParade@xanga - Same here

Monogamous animals are scarce, so it makes sense that humans would not have been monogamous originally.  Either way, men are more likely to spread their genes farther than women are anyway, because women carry the child and put their efforts into bringing that child to age, so it would make sense that women would want "someone to bring the bacon" [to feed the offspring] and men would want "a good child-bearing woman" [to spread their genes].  I really think that despite what our original mating strategy was, we are monogamous now and acknowledge that, so one should maintain self-control to not cheat on their loved one.

Natural...eh, that's a difficult topic to argue.  Some base our inclinations on species from which we're descended, some are vehement supporters of monogamy...it's just a controversial topic, and I doubt we'll ever really get to the bottom of it.  I think the actual question should focus on the individual himself/herself: am I in the right relationship?  We're a curious species, and we look, explore, and analyze things because, well, we can.  So there's no harm in noticing other people, but if someone has a significant other who isn't keeping his/her interest, I doubt it's because he/she is programmed for promiscuity, but because he/she is not interested enough.

I'd highly recommend to anyone interested in going into greater detail about the topic of this post that they read "The Red Queen" by Matt Ridley. He discusses these two questions in great depth with numerous accounts and examples of each throughout history.

By the end of the book I simply came to the conclusion that promiscuity and monogamy were just two different strategies for reproduction and people can choose whatever it is that works best for the them. From a male perspective the first one ensures that my seed will be passed around on numerous occasions but it doesn't necessarily ensure that it will take (due to competition from other men) or that if that child will even survive long enough to pass on my genes again. The second option will more than likely ensure that my seed takes root and I will then be able to raise the child or children with my partner, ensuring their survival, success, and the continual passing of my genes on to the next generation. However, I likely wouldn't have as many potential children in that instance.

Although another interesting bit that I found was that men tend to have one partner they are loyal to, above all, however, they will seek out other opportunities as time goes on. It's like Mormons and polygamy (yes I know this is outdated and applies to a small percentage of that religion). The first wife is 2nd in line for power in the house behind the husband, after that comes all the subsequent wives who take on a lesser role. However, everyone works together to ensure the safety and success of the children and the resources of everyone are pooled. Essentially it's a better choice for the younger wives than risking dating a single man whom they would be taking a chance on. Off point.

In the end it's likely a crap-shoot. I'm the monogamous type, it's what I prefer and choose. However, though I would never cheat on my SO, I wouldn't be averse to her introducing another woman into the bedroom. Of course, my future wife would always win over the other woman.

Hah and I'm not sure if this answered any of the questions. In the end just choose what works for you and what makes you happy.

Although some people intend on straying, I think a lot of the flirting is simply a way of 'spreading the love' that comes from being in a happy relationship. :) You feel good so you want to make others feel good too. 

It's foolish to act like when you're happy in a relationship, everyone in the world that you could potentially find attractive suddenly isn't. This always bugged my about my ex-roommate and her boyfriend; she would get so incredibly upset if he said anything about anyone but her looking "nice", "pretty", or "good". She expected him to see her as the most beautiful person in the world. I think that's a little ridiculous. I love my boyfriend, I think he's handsome and gorgeous, but I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't still think Gerard Butler is drop-dead sexy. At any rate, if I met a Gerry lookalike, I'd probably flirt with him, but I wouldn't be aggressive and it probably wouldn't go beyond playful banter. I'm loyal to my boyfriend; I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship, but I'm also a human being.