Monday, 25 July 2011
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STDs: The Gift That Just Keeps On Giving
About a month ago at my birthday party a friend of mine, we’ll call her Susan, took me aside and asked if we could go somewhere private because she really needed to talk to me.Now Susan is 19, I had assumed she wanted advice on the typical subject’s one would imagine coming from someone that age – Relationship problems, boy issues, drama amongst friends, etc. I continued to assume this until I, being the astute and incredibly observant male that I am (Hah, who am I kidding?), noticed that there were a few tears rolling down Susan’s face.
I inquired and pried a bit deeper and it turns out the real reason she came to me was she wanted someone to confide in that she might have an STD, specifically Herpes.
After a few hugs and comforting words I had to actually ask the real questions, they were along the lines of…
“Why do you think you have one?”
“What signs and/or symptoms do you have?”
“Who do you think gave it to you?”
“How long ago was that?”
“…Have you slept with anyone since then?”She fought through her tears and swallowed her shame in order to answer all of my questions and by the end of it I told her she NEEDED to get tested ASAP!
However, the story is a bit more complicated than that. Susan was with the “affected party” on New Year's. After she performed fellatio on this fine gentleman he then proceeded to tell her that he had Herpes.For those of you who don’t know you can contract Herpes through oral sex, Susan knew this and immediately stopped and didn’t go any further. This is not the worst of the story though. Unfortunately Susan is the stereotypical partying, college girl. She has one too many when we all go out and she is very promiscuous.
We also go to a college where, for some bizarre reason, women like to have unprotected sex. Susan continued with this behavior after New Years but refused to get tested. When I asked as to why she still hadn’t been tested after all this time she explained that she was terrified and would rather not know. I then told her that even if she wouldn’t get tested SHE NEEDED TO TELL THE OTHER MEN… if she could remember who they all were.
Now aside from the obvious personal grievances I have with all of this, it gets worse. As fate would have it, one of the men that she had slept with during this period of time was a very good friend of mine, we’ll call him John. Now after this conversation with Susan my faith and trust in her as a friend, or just a decent human being, was shattered. My concern shifted from her to John.
As soon as we rejoined everyone I found another close friend of mine and John’s, we’ll call him Ron. I immediately asked if he had any way of getting in touch with John since he was in Scotland. He said no, so we were left with emailing John. The message simply said that he needed to call me, that it was an emergency and what my phone number was. I then found out that Susan had also told Ron about her little predicament, as well as just about everyone else at my birthday party. I was relieved that I was spared having to divulge such a secret to someone else.
Luckily John called the next day. We spoke with him very casually at first, perhaps a little too casually as Ron blurted out a few minutes into the conversation. “So how’s your junk?”
I immediately lunged and yanked the phone out of Ron’s hands and calmly explained the situation and that he should get tested. If anything by the end of this we’ll all have a hilarious memory to reminisce about.
As for Susan, I have no idea if she has yet to be tested. I made it known to her that I told John and after that she proceeded to take a few personal shots at me, I then decided it would be best to end the friendship and move on.
So I’ll withhold my views of this situation and pose the questions to you all:
What would you have done in Susan’s situation?
What would you have done in my situation?
Is there an appropriate portion of time for “grieving” before one should get tested for an STD?
How would you tell someone or a friend that they might have an STD?
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About the Author
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- From: Guteman91
- About Me: Just an insatiably curious 20 year old college student. A constantly sarcastic optimist with a few sprinkles of a hopeless romantic and perhaps a little too cocky for his own good.
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Comments (33)
I think that in "Susan's" situatuion it was very imature and irresponsible of her to not get tested OR Tell "John"
I believe that you did the right thing in telling "John" and in dropping "Susan" as a friend. If she wouldnt take the responsability for what she could have caused then she's probably not somone you should be around anyways.
If i believed i may have an STD then i would like to think that i would immdeiately get checked, i however have not been in that situation so i therefore do not know if there is a specific "grieving" period,so to put it.
fuck susan. i wouldnt care nearly as much if she didnt get with anyone since. BUT THE GUY DIRECTLY SAID HE HAD AN STD.... and she DIDNT GET TESTED?!??!?!??!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?
so terrible. what a mess and GOT WITH PEOPLE AFTER?!?!?!??!?!? and didnt tell them!??!?!?!?!?!? BEFORE!?
i already hate susan. but honestly getting tested is so sublimely simple and quick. if people can't do obvious things to ensure their safety and health they should not be having sex period. ever.
"grieving" is not necessary before getting tested. fuck that. the longer its untreated the more it can affect and RUIN your body. and some are very easily treated. WHY WOULD YOU WAIT?!??!
and just get right to it. say 'hey so and so tested positive for ___ or might have __ so you should get tested asap"
thats not complicated. why do people need to complicate everything and not get things done. this is important. it embarasses me how much others just do not care about these things. or themselves, or each other- its not something to fuck around with at all.
I wouldn't have done anything in her situation because I wouldn't have bloody gotten into it in the first place!
She sounds like a real slut, to go sleeping around, and a stupid slut, to possibly go around infecting other people with her STD!
In your situation I would have given her the cold, hard and suggested she rethink her loose lifestyle, which is what got her into her predicament in the first place.
No there is not an appropriate time for 'grieving'-- you slept with the person, now balls up and pay the consequences and definetly don't go sleeping around when you dunno if you have an STD or not!
I know, I'm harsh and judgemental, and people sleep with complete strangers (who could be axe murderers for all they know!) all the time, but it's just not acceptable to me.
Guess I'm an oddball like that.
Fellatio is oral sex, right? So if she has it in her mouth, then sleeping around with these other guys won't give them herpes. But maybe she's just giving blowjobs...but even so, she can only give it to them if she has an open sore in her mouth. Can they really test for herpes in the mouth? Isn't that just cold sores? Maybe i'm out of touch. But with Susan, i wouldn't have gotten involved. I'd just make sure that i ALWAYS wore protection with any guy i was with. I'm thankful i'm married and don't have to worry about this anymore.
Sorry, I'll clarify. She does have oral and vaginal intercourse with all of these men. And you can catch Herpes whether or not the person has an open sore, vaginal or otherwise. Yes they can test for that, it's a completely different strain and it's not the one that is simply cold sores. I actually spoke with a few friends of mine who are nurses and the issue with having Herpes in one mouth is it can they spread throughout the mouth and if she has open sore then there's a possibility of it being passed on when she shares drinks, kisses people, etc.
if I was susan and suspected that I had stds, then I'd probably be so embarrassed and not tell anybody but go to the clinic asap wearing sunglasses
maybe without sunglasses since I'm not a sunglasses person anyway:D if I was you, I would be glad that she told me so now I know who to avoid
you did the right thing with the bro code of notifying the others, although she should've told him herself, yet it doesn't seem like she would've told him if she took personal shots at you for doing the right thing whereas it seems like she would've told everyone except for the actual guys involved. I'd get tested asap so that maybe it will be treated or if it isn't curable, then at least the outbreak will possibly be contained and not cause the symptoms to get worse if the treatment period is prolonged. I'd calmly tell them in a remorseful way and hope that other people, who have stds, will have the decency to tell me if they have an std-although since I'm very selective and don't do the partying one night stand/fling thing, then my chances of getting stds are slim, possible if the actual results aren't revealed on paper, so maybe some people just trust people when they barely know them and have casual sexual relations, sex or oral,etc, which isn't ideal or safe, but it was ultimately their choice and own consequences.
Sounds to me like Susan is a very selfish person. You made the right decision. I would have told my other friend and then probably dumped Susan as a friend because knowing how selfish she is, I wouldn't be able to trust me. Thank goodness I'm married and we both know we're clean!
good for you for ending the friendship with susan!
What would you have done in Susan’s situation? I don't give a rats ass about grieving.. i'd get myself tested the day off thinking i've contracted something and let everyone i know. Don't think I'd ever be in that position though... =|
What would you have done in my situation? the same thing you did! it's good you told him
Is there an appropriate portion of time for “grieving” before one should get tested for an STD? NOPE! as a nursing student... if you are following such a "lifestyle" you should be getting urself test quite often and using proper protection. It's quite sad reading that the women in your college don't use protection. If you are sexually active or over the age of 18 women should be getting PAP tests yearly.
How would you tell someone or a friend that they might have an STD?
it doesn't matter if i'm straight up, casual or calm about it; i think when it comes to STDs/AIDS/HIV these things need to be treated soon before it worsens. Did you know there is a study that shows a link between herpes and cervical cancer.
gahhh sorry about all this health crap it's just reading the posts angers me and that susan chick is stupid. If she was my friend I would have dragged her ass to clinic and made her get tested..you health is not a joke. And herpes DOES not look pretty down there.
The suspense is killing me.....DID JOHN TEST NEGATIVE FOR STDs OR NOT?
I personally found out I had herpes when I was 17. I had previously been abstinent for 8 months before I was diagnosed. It was hard to deal with when I found out, because both my parents had to be involved with the doctors and antibiotics. All my friends managed to find out too which was extremely hard because a lot of them make fun of me for it behind my back. Its a way of life for me now.
I got it from the 3rd person I ever had intercourse with, and he happened to be the 2nd guy I had EVER had unprotected sex with.
I think she does need to get tested. It is wrong to go around ka-bonging any guy she pleases unprotected because the next thing she'll have to deal with if she doesn't already have the STD is a baby.....It's the risk of everyone else's health is what she needs to realize. It is a manageable STD but it's still a pain in the ass sometimes!
Using a condom is not fun, me and my current boyfriend (we have been together for 1 year& 4 months and I found out about the STD about a month into our relationship) don't use condoms. But more and more people are becoming infected everyday. People aren't caring as much.. :/
And trust me, their is a very intense grieving period. But I got tested asap because I was sexually active. It's embarrassing to go to the doctor, which is why a lot of people are apprehensive about it....but its just the right thing to do.
wow she IS a dumb selfish slut. im glad you're not friends with her anymore. and yes, it's ok to grieve, but you still have to snap out of it and do what you're supposed to do.. at least don't SCREW OTHER PEOPLE OVER because you're in grief
WTF the guy let her suck his dick before telling her he had herpes!
I would of punched the asshole right in his cock sucker!
Then would of went and immediately gotten tested.
I would of told John just like you did. He deserves to know. There are too many stupid bitches going around sleeping with people either knowing they have something or don't care to get tested and don't tell the other person. Sick real sick.
I had a friend who was sleeping with 3 different guys at one given time. She had already had unprotected sex with 5 different guys. I told her she should get tested and she called me a bitch. Too fucking bad next time close your legs.
fuck that! susan is mest up. first, when that guy told me he had herpes, id have gotten his ass kicked by family or friends. who does that shit! btw, i have herpes. pffffft! as your mouth is on his dick! so wrong. -_- also, if she felt she had std, she shoulda closed her legs and mouth. shes just screwing over a lot of young men of their sexual health! ughhh. sorry but susan needs to get shot. lol. she is wrong on so many levels. sigh. =/ you did the right thing btw. those guys deserve to know.
Wow, this story is awful and waaaaay to common for me to not comment about this. People should continue to read this comment for some real facts about this disease that is scary common and, the majority of the time, scary hard to tell if you have it.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - You're expressing an opinion, which is completely fine. A lot of girls sleep around unprotected and that is extremely stupid and I condemn those girls. If you have sex with a lot of people unprotected, then I'm not sorry if you get an STD. On the other hand, I actually have this particular disease and what sucks about it for me is that I really just trusted the absolute wrong guy. The completely wrong guy, my judgement was so off on that. I am a college girl and I have had sex with my share of men, but I have only ever not used condoms with two guys. One was the guy that gave me that wonderful present and one is the guy that I am currently in love with (he actually has it too, probably from me but he's asymptomatic thank god). In fact, one in six people have some form of herpes (there's HSV-1 or HSV-2), but 80% of people infected with HSV-2 (the one that is more severe) are asymptomatic and therefore do not know that they can transmit it. I feel like it's a lack of education (added with the ridiculously teenage thinking that it could never happen to you) that puts people at danger. I didn't know all these facts about it until I got it. People really don't think that it's necessary to get tested unless something is visibly wrong. My current boyfriend didn't know until I made him get tested. Sorry for the long comment back. I didn't intend for it to be this long. I just wanted to share the fact that I do also think Susan is awful, but also wanted to say that sometimes a person (like me) is rather unlucky. Also also, wanted to share with people facts that they should know about HSV.
@Cosmar@xanga - If you are infected with one strain of HSV in one area (such as your mouth), then you can give it to others through contact regardless of whether or not you have an open sore. It's a much smaller chance, but the possibility is there. And they can test for either strain of the virus with a blood test, so you can figure out if you have it even if you've never shown symptoms. If you have a suspicious sore though, they will swab and test it (hurt like a bitch).
@ShirleyD@xanga - @aeriebaby88@xanga - also, diagnosed herpes unite!
wow...this is why I dont sleep around! You don't know who to trust. I'd only sleep with someone after we were tested together.
@aeriebaby88@xanga - @singing2mytune91@xanga - Wooo I got it too! :D Yay herpes friendsss <3
Well. I'm thinking about this a little differently. He said he had herpes but she never had sex with him, just oral? So if she is having unprotected sex with these men but she isn't sucking their dicks, they really couldn't get it from her. How do you know this guy wasn't on Valtrex? The chances of passing on the disease while taking the pill everyday WITHOUT a condom is about 2%.
I wouldn't have told John either. 1. Because she might not even have it. 2. If she did the chances of him getting it from her vag when she has HSV1 is like, impossible.
It was not your place to tell your friend that she had it because what if it turns out she doesn't? In the meantime, she needs to use condoms because she could have gotten lucky this time but next time her ass will get slapped with HSV2 and that shit SUCKS. I had to switch doctors just because mine was such a bitch to me when I got it. Regardless, hopefully everyone is clean and this scare is enough for her to realize the risks.
why is she telling guys about it before testing?
If she gets the test and she is positive, then tell.
@different_one1@xanga - I concur
@AtLeastWereStillAlive@xanga - My apologies I should've made this clear in the post, I actually answered a similar question above. She is having oral and vaginal sex with all of these men, John included. The issue for me was that she hadn't gotten tested for six months, even when she suspected she might have an STD, and she wasn't displaying any real legitimate desire to get tested now. Furthermore, I knew that John was sexually active at the time so I was concerned that he was going to pass it on. Also, I kept thinking that if I was in John's position I would really hope that someone would tell me. In regards to Valtrex, given Susan's description of the guy who possibly gave her the STD (quite an unsavory character), I doubt he's using it.
@Guteman91 - Goodness. :/ I hope she gets her act together and that, for the sake of your friend, she is clean. I can understand your actions completely, if I knew for sure one of my friends slept with my best guy friend and they had an STD I would run my mouth as fast as I could haha
If she suspects she has it, she NEEDS to go. In my experience, the second a symptom pops up, you know. There was no doubt in my mind. She also needs to be smart about this. Why tell people you think you have it if you don't for sure? She may turn up negative but by then everyone will already be saying she has herpes so who's to know? Silly girl.
*don't know for sure
Do people realize that they can get sued for having sex with someone, and they have an STD but not tell them... I hope your friend gets sued because thats definitly a bitch move right there! For fucks sake get tested!!! I feel sorry for apparently all the tons of guys she slept with.. Geez...@ShamrockLover@xanga - I think there is a difference than cold sores and herpes?.. I mean, technically cold sores are herpes... But its not that kind...
@bbanmen420@xanga - THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
I actually looked into that at one point during all of this. According to the medical professionals I spoke with as well as the one family friend who has his own law practice, you can get sued for quite a bit of money and you can face jail time. The charges can range from reckless endangerment of yourself and others to attempted or premeditated murder (of course that was an extreme case). Either way, you become a public health hazard and there are serious ramifications and consequences.
I actually recall a case where there were a group of men with syphilis that were tracked down through social networking sites by the police. They faced some massive legal action by the state and each of their "victims".