Monday, 25 July 2011
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Who Should Pay for the Date?
Last night marked date number six with this guy I've been seeing for the past two months. Of course I came home feeling happy that I enjoyed myself with someone who is willing to be in my presence. But of course my mom asked the same question she always asks me whenever I come home from my date, "Who paid for the date?"My answer always stay the same and I always say "We both chipped in..."
She gives me this look as if she wants to bite my head off and then says "A guy should always pay for the date...ESPECIALLY if he's the one asking you out."
Believe it or not, I totally understand. We both are on a tight budget, and as much as we want to spend money we really can't. So we are trying to be as careful as we can, and take a look at the prices before going places. By the end of the night we both had an equal share on everything, and by the time I get home I get slapped in the face with questions about paying for the date.
I love the dates I go on and I enjoy each and every last one of them to fullest regardless of who pays for it or split it down the middle to be equal.
If you were in my situation what would you do? Would you be turned off if a guy who wants to take you out can't cover the entire tab? Would you see him as a cheap ass date? Would you help pay for the date? Should everything be equal between the two?
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Comments (26)
Neither. Just sprint out o' that place.
At the first couple of dates, I think it's reasonable for the person who asked to pay. By date #6, I think you're familiar enough with one another for any variation of payment to be acceptable depending on the values, budgets, and personalities of the people involved.
Rock paper scissors.
I do this with my friends and whatever guy I hang out with: If I have the money, I'll pay for the both of us, then next time he pays for the both of us. Whenever we can though, we both pay for ourselves.
I don't believe that guys should always pay for the date. With that mentality, people wonder why women aren't treated equally when they always want the guys to put them on a pedestal.
the way i see it, the person who makes the offer of the location, should make the offer of paying and or the terms. otherwise, you should expect to pay for yourself. if it is not accounted for before hand, it could be bad, but in reality, it shouldn't, money should not come between those who enjoy being with those.
If he's honest with you, and says that he can't pay for you but still wants your company, and you decide that you want to go out anyway, then what business is it of hers? Yes, in general the person who asks should pay, but as long as you're being up front with each other, I don't see the problem.
Don't see there being a problem of splitting the costs of the date. I know it sounds wrong and unchivalrous (even though chivalry still exists when people say its dead). People are having financial troubles throughout the world, and they're just looking after the pennies...
My main point is, I wouldn't care who paid provided you enjoyed the date itself and the company of the other person. I wouldn't mind if I paid for everything every single time I went out with someone.
I've always expected to split costs on dates. If you're happy with it, it's not really anyone else's business. Not everyone can afford to pay for two people to go out for dinner or to the movies, and that doesn't make them bad people. The company is what matters, and if you enjoy his company - keep at it!
Generally if the person does ask you on the date...they should pay but there is nothing wrong with helping to pay half especially after the few dates..you do get to know that person better etc; I know I did after I started going on a lot of dates with my bf. We always either took turns paying different things throughout the date.
apparently standard etiquette is who asked for the date should pay.
but i like it when guys pay. but girls should at least offer to pay & not just stand there expect the guy to pay.
sometimes girls should treat guys too. it would be nice!
If you and your date agree that splitting the bill is ok because you're both tight on cash. I don't see a problem with that, since it's been more than a couple dates and you both enjoy each other's company. Your friend should butt out how you handle this. When I was dating my now-husband, lots of times we split the bill, even though he mostly paid for everything. The cash situation won't always be the same, and relationships aren't built on money so the friend definitely shouldn't make a big deal about it.
In general I'm always hesitant to let anyone pay anything for me. But thats just me.
I know it's old fashioned but I believe the guy should pay for the first couple dates. It's contradictory since I always refuse to let guys pay for me but I think it's nice for a guy to show he can be a gentleman and take care of a girl.
But around the 3rd date or so you guys should be familiar enough that either the girl offers to pay or they both offer to split.
However it sounds to me like you're saying you are both pretty much broke or short on cash? I think if you both understand that your situations are a little less than ideal then there should be no questioning when you offer to split the check.
I tend to pay for the date. If I didn't have money in the first place, I wouldn't ask that person at that time. Either that or we go somewhere that is less expensive and more manageable. There are girls who wouldn't allow me to pay and would shove their money in my pocket or get creative by hiding them in my car glove compartment or something.
If it's first date, I honestly expect the guy to pay(chivalry) but times are different I'd offer to split.:P
If we are casually dating I don't mind splitting the bill.
If we are serious and it's our anni and he's treating me, I don't mind if he pays but i'd offer to split.
I'm no feminist, but one of my biggest pet peeves is the wacko standard society places on dating and paying. It irritates me to no end when guys offer to pay.
Even if he was the one who asked me out, I agreed because I did so out of my own free will, not because I'm doing him a favor. Paying for dates is not unlike a mild form of prostitution; he's literally paying for your time.
Go dutch, always. Not because it's empowering for women or whatever, but because it's fair (:
p.s. - a really ridiculous story I remembered involving double standards from high school was this: my friend invited her boyfriend who attended another high school to go with her to our prom, and she asked me for advice whether he should pay for both their tickets or not (even when he was doing her the favor of coming to her own prom). I was flabbergasted. Talk about crazy.
It's clear- whoever asked for the date is the one that pays. However, you should never ASSUME anything about a date (how many times did you think it would be great & it wasn't?), and take your wallet and be prepared to pay if asked to split. In my broke days, if asked for a date, I would suggest something I could afford just in case I needed to pay my way. We should all be responsible for ourselves these days if the unexpected arise.
I like chivalry. I've never paid for a date and don't ever intend to. There are plenty of guys who can either pay for a date or know that a fun date doesn't have to cost money.
Men get to be chivalrous... pay for dates, open doors, be a nice guy. Women get to have babies. I think men still get the easy side of this.
Now, once a relationship has been established or several dates the woman can always make up for it by taking him out or something along those lines.
There's some nice, chivalrous guys still out there. I don't have to settle for some guy demanding I pay half when he asked me out on a date... he who asks pays.
It's date six, so why would he still have to pay if there's that rule? But really, I mean I think it just depends.
Generally whoever asks.
My boyfriend and I take turns paying for stuff. It's been that way since we started dating. Early on, we had a brief chat about Dutch and Chinese and how both are always getting into loud, physical fights about who gets to pay, throwing money at each other and such. We agreed that taking turns was easier, and "compromise once in a while is part of a relationship and blahblahblah" (verbatim, because the boy's so eloquent),
I'd let the guy make the decision on who pays. If he wants to pay then that's fine, but if he would like me to contribute thats fine also.
However, I am in a not so good situation right now. I'm unemployed and can't afford to chip in. yikes!
I think I'd actually feel a bit weird if the guy paid for the whole date. I'd rather pay my own way so I wouldn't feel like a mooch.
I'll pay, especially the first few times, but it gets old when a girl expects it
I'm all for blurring gender roles. I don't think a man should feel obligated to pay just because he's the man. I'd feel extremely weird if the guy pays for absolutely everything.
When I know that the guy will pay for the date, I always feel obligated to look at the prices of the things I order and only take desert if he does... It's nice if he offers to pay, but I'd only take him up on that for the first two or three dates. After that, I should have developed a level of comfort where I could eat whatever I wanted and also pay for it without feeling like I'm taking something away from him.
I would always try and pay at least for my meal.
I would try and pay for both of us even if she asked me. I would feel that I wouldn't be a gentleman if I let her pay