Saturday, 23 July 2011
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I Went On a Date So I Wouldn't Seem Racist
It's about the fourth week of school and as an English major I am required to take En 365- African American Literature. So I find myself being one of 3 Caucasian people in a class of 20 students. Sitting next to me is this really good-looking, smart and well dressed guy, "Jason" and he happens to be African American.Jason enjoyed hearing himself speak more than anyone else in the class cared for but that didn't stop him. He also happened to be overly confident and that's why I wasn't shocked to endure his constant flirtatious comments or his asking of my number so we can study together.
But one fine day we were packing up to leave class and Jason overheard me saying that my next class was canceled so he asked me to grab lunch with him. When I said that I didn't have my school card on me that had my meal plan he quickly told me that he would pay with no problem.
I'm standing in the middle of the classroom and I'm pretty sure all of the girls that are slowly packing up are waiting to hear my response. I personally did not like Jason, even on a friendship level, he seemed like a jerk, but because I didn't want to seem racist I agreed to go.
After he kindly paid for my lunch I find a booth in the cafeteria and instead of sitting across from me he makes me move in so he can sit right next to me. I am literally cornered. Every question he asked me was as if I were on a dating show and through my answers he would read our compatibility. But when we get up to leave I tell him, "That was fun! I'm so glad to have a new friend in the class." and he turns around holding his tray and states, "That's not why I got your number.", followed by a wink.
Jason and I still talk and actually have become rather friendly and I will always remember the story of how I went on a date by accident so I wouldn't be considered racist.
Have you ever gone on a date by accident because you didn't want to seem racist, mean, or even shallow?
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About the Author
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- From: CarlyPaige
- About Me: Currently I am a college student studying English and Education. A true monogamist, I have only had 2 serious boyfriends but have been single for 2 years. The dating scene in college is complicated to say the least and here I will share with you my experiences, my friends experiences, both past and present as an example of what to do when confronted with awkwardness, confusion and love.
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Comments (239)
uhhhhhh i think that's the definition of "white guilt", and i actually think that's more racist than just being honest about the situation.....
anyway its cool you got a new friend out of it.
I personally think that because you didn't want to seem racist, you actually were racist. Instead of not wanting to go on the date with him because you saw him as the jerk that your initial judgement led you to believe, you saw him as an African American. That was your reason. That alone, I think, singled out his ethnicity. I can understand not going on dates because you didn't want to be mean more than not going on dates because you didn't want to appear racist or shallow. What does race have to do with it? All in all, I'm glad you two are now friends and that you were able to get past first impressions.
No. Dating someone out of guilt, any kind of guilt, is not worth it because you're giving someone who doesn't have a chance think they do. I have a feeling everyone was looking at you because this guy was obnoxious and wanted to see what would happen.
@shiyaaa@xanga - amen. I'm in agreement with all that you said.
I've gone on pity-dates before because I'm a soft touch and don't like to hurt a guys feelings after he's found the courage to ask me out. I probably would've had lunch with him just to spare him the humiliation of being publicly rejected but I've never gone on a date out of a fear of being called racist. @Joobie82@xanga - That's a very good point and I've seen that play out too. I agree to a date out of pity and of course the guy takes it to mean I like him and then I have to let him down as gently as possible and sometimes I can see how it's worse than just telling him no up front.
I don't go on pity dates, I don't pity fuck or anything like that.
Neither should you.
Come on, guys. I mean...people most likely would have thought that if she just turned him down flat.
Not that she should have accepted his offer out of fear alone. But it's not like it would be comfortable, or that people would be understanding--either way.
I would have said, "I think you talk more than I do and I don't go to lunch with people who talk too much." I think it's kinda rude actually. All men are date-worthy or not based only on their person, not their skin color.
However, the end result seems to be that you learned there was a bit more to him than you originally thought based on his on going mouth.
You didn't want to seem racist... so you used a black man you had no interest in for a free lunch? ;D
You see... it all depends on how you look at it.
Next time... just say no if you don't want to go. Don't feel obligated to go.
Yes, I went out with a girl that was a mixture of 8 different races, and also she was overweight, bald, had a lazy eye, a missing leg, had gingivitis, and was 67 years old. In fact, I'm not even sure it was a girl (the baldness made it hard to tell).....but I figured going out with that disgusting he-she makes me undiscriminating and not shallow at all.
(Btw, I also pulled the "I don't have my wallet" move ;) .... I mean heck, I might as well get a free meal for being so genuine and not shallow right?)
Automatically race comes into play here? I think that is odd, whether he was african american, or not, you shouldn't have gone out with him if you had no interest in him.
@raspbxrrryjam@xanga - THIS
I think the fact that you went on the date makes you more racist than if you hadn't.
Haha, this in itself is racist.
That's how this racist crap continues.
People throw it around all the time, even when it's not REMOTELY TRUE.
And the absurdity of it!
I went on a date with a black man I had no interest in because I DIDN'T WANT TO SEEM RACIST?
How stupid can you get?
Guess what?
He's not just a 'black man' he's a HUMAN BEING, same as you, and there's NO REASON you should feel like you have to go out with someone unless YOU LIKE THEM AS A HUMAN BEING.
And if he gets a case of the sour grapes and accuses you of racism, then HE'S AN IDIOT and his opinion isn't worth a rat's rear end anyways!
People need to grow a backbone and STAND UP for good sense!
if he looks like pharrell williams, then I will gladly oblige. arrogant know it all class clowns, who talked back to the teacher often got my attention. those were the only types that I crushed on/liked all throughout my school years
and they were coincidentally all very cute lol did you also mean that he was ugly??
Wow, you're dirty. No one wants your guilt or pity. You would of appeared less racist only if you were mature and honest.
what the hell is with you people throwing around the word racist! does anyone know what racist is? @_@ bleh. saying no to him would just of been you having no interest in him.whys it have to suddenly make you racist to deny him? geez.
next time when someone asks you out that you don't want to date:
"I have a boyfriend"
So if she didn't go on the date, you all would still attack her and call her racist. But she gave the guy a chance and actually made a friend out of it. He probbly picked up on the fact that she wasn't interested in him that way. And all the people attacking her are probably prejudice against one party or another in terms of dating, but they won't admit to it because "they don't want to seem racist."
I never dated anyone who I did not find attractive in the first place.
@six6vi@xanga - And you have the right to call someone a stupid bitch but you're such an upstanding citizen and say people should be shot in the face?
@Love_never_fails@lovelyish - Yeah I do have that right bitch, what of it?
@six6vi@xanga - Just saying. It makes you look like a fucking idiot. Grow up.