Saturday, 23 July 2011
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When Relationships Change Because of a New Job
My current relationship has floated between the extremes: there were periods of time when we were in a long-distance relationship, seeing each other maybe once every two months, but the next year we would see each other every day.
We went to the same university, pursued the same major, and were involved in some of the same activities. We saw each other all the time, even if a lot of the time it was just us studying in the library until two in the morning. He just graduated and got a job teaching in a different state, moving away while I was studying abroad and started teaching in an inner-city school a week after.
I think teaching is a really admirable profession. It doesn't pay as well as well as other careers, but there is certainly a crapload of work involved. You have to plan lesson plans every day, deal with the unexpected fights, and know what the right punishments are without having your students lose their confidence.
You have to stay motivated even when there's a lot of bureaucracy to go through to get new textbooks or more security in a school. You're there to inspire kids to try and challenge themselves. You have to learn the right balance for all students, who may all be at different levels of learning. My boyfriend is specializing in special education, which involves even more individualization for students in a class, which may be as big as 20-25 students.
A lot of teaching fellowships, such as the Fulbright English Assistanceship, Teach for America, or the New York/Denver/Chicago/Insert-Major-City-Here Teaching Fellows involve a really intense summer of initial training after you're accepted to the program. It's a mix of teaching in a classroom and also earning a Masters in Education at the same time.
That's what my boyfriend is going through right now--getting up before the sun rises, commuting to his school, teaching for the morning, and then going to class for his Masters until the sun sets. Then he goes home to write a lesson plan for a couple of hours, and passes out on his bed, only to do it again the next day.
He tries to call me before he crashes to say good night, and promises it'll be better when the school year starts. I know he's stressed out and exhausted, and I feel bad that I can't actually be with him to give him a hug when he has a bad day or even really understand what he's going through. I'm taking a backseat if I have to because this is important to him; those kids are depending on him to be the one who helps them believe in themselves.
I can only really be supportive of him, but I have trouble adjusting to changes. Relationships always have to change with the people and the situation. I don't want to say that the change is good or bad, but it's just really unfamiliar and unsettling.
What was the adjustment like when you or your SO started a new job or moved away? How did your relationship change?
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About the Author
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (9)
Ah, I thought this post was about you dating your new teacher. ;P
well, my last boyfriend started a new job in his home country after he got his degree in america...we agreed that it was something that he wanted to do, and that it was an opportunity that wouldn't come knocking again, unfortunately. so...he's now living in japan while i'm in NYC and i can't really say that we'll be together the same way we were before. but it is what it is, just as long as the other person is happy and fulfilled in their line of work, right?
hope you guys get to spend more time together in the near future. ^.~ Vm
My husband and I have been through this over and over and over again. He's in the Army, and I'm struggling to be with him and finish college at the same time. First he left for training, then I left for college when he came home, then he was stationed across the country so we got married and I moved out there with him, then he deployed and I lived on my own for the first time, then he came home and he was stationed back in our home state a few hours away from our home city, but in order to finish my school I had to move back to our home city, and now I'm back with him for the summer. You would think we'd get used to the same song and dance, but it never gets any easier. We're just counting down the days until we can be together and get into normal jobs with at least somewhat routine schedules. You just kind of do what you have to do because you have to. We usually get really distant from each other when we're apart. It seems like we struggle to fill that hour that we talk on the phone every night because we just don't have anything to talk about, but we never run out of things to say when we're together. When times get rough, we just remind ourselves that it won't always be this way, and we keep pushing through because what else can you do?
@hellstar0604@xanga - True. Gotta work through the rough patches. I hope you guys get to spend more time together in the future as well!
@willjogforicecream@xanga - That's really rough. I totally understand "struggling to fill that hour" on the phone... it makes the gulf feel bigger. I really hope teeter-tottering between those moments ends for you soon. Nothing worth having comes for free and perseverance is key. Good luck!
Well job's haven't affected my relationships much yet, but this post gives me great insight into what my marriage is going to look like. My boyfriend is going into teaching and I'm going into professional writing. He doesn't know yet how he's going to get his teaching certificate, but I know it's going to be a lot of hard work because I have another friend who is already a teacher and he's had to struggle with the same things you're talking about. I hope it doesn't get too stressful for us and I certainly hope we get to be in the same town while he gets his certificate!
EDIT: And when I say he doesn't know how he's going to get it, I mean he has the option to enroll at my college and take classes in the teaching program, to Teach For America, or do something else. He has the means, he just needs to see what's most practical and keeps him near me!
@MiaJoyTheWriter@xanga - There are lots of options for teaching certificates which is great, but my boyfriend is doing one of those teaching fellowships which I feel like is really rough because they throw you in within a month of hiring you, and he really could have been shipped far away from me but luckily got into a MORE local program. If you go through the theory first it seems a little less daunting, but also takes more time to earn said certificate, but it seems like it would be easier on your personal life, in my opinion. Kind of wished he stayed at our university and got his degree that way, but it is what it is. If you guys went to the same college that would be so nice. Good luck, I hope it turns out for the best!!! :)
Yeah, I'm worried because my bf is going to be getting a new job soon and that means less hours with him. I'm just worried that it will hurt the relationship or change it into something bad. I just gotta hope it doesn't.
@Hinase@xanga - I hope it doesn't either! Is he moving away as well? I think that if the people involved want to make it work, there's always a way to push through the hard stuff. Good luck!
@dangelb - Luckily he's not which is a good thing. But yeah, you're right, if you're willing to make it work, it will. Thanks ;)