Friday, 22 July 2011
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You Kissed Him Before Dating? Slut!
I've brought it up in mention in other blogs, but to recap, a lot of my high school friends from home are much more conservative than I am. Not just in the pro-life vs. pro-choice way, in all aspects of our lives. Many of my friends have vowed to stay virgins until marriage, I personally believe that is very hard to do and is not for me, as I am a very physical person. I feel any person who underestimates the importance of physicality in a relationship is very foolish. My friends, despite their conservative views, share this opinion. Which is why what I describe below kind of shocked me.We had been catching up. All of us had gone to separate colleges, so I did explain that I had got a boyfriend. They thought it was cute and begin asking me the normal questions (Where did you meet? Is he cute? What's his major) so it was natural that the subject of our first kiss had come up. I remember it clearly: We had been hugging semi cuddling on the spare mattress. My roommate (who had unfortunately turned out to be a bit of a psycho bitch) flipped the light on and shouted at us to get off the floor.
He lived about an hour away from campus due to unfortunate circumstances so, it being late, I invited him to stay the night. Wanting to avoid a second hissy fit, I opted for the only other option: sharing my bed. So we climbed into my bed and my roommate left to go do something else. All I asked him was "did you have a good night tonight?" His reply? "Yes, yes I did." And then he leaned in and kissed me.
This was met by a chorus of "awwwwwws" and other cute sound effects. I was already on the euphoria of remember our first kiss. I casually said "And it was at that moment that I knew I wanted to date him." The "awwwwwwws" suddenly stopped.
I was pretty confused at this point. Finally, one of my friends spoke up "Well, considering what happened, you were lucky then..." I looked at them confused. They returned my confused look. Another spoke up "You really kissed him before he was your boyfriend?" "Well, yes" I replied. What followed was a very pregnant awkward silence. I could feel their gazes judging me. I don't remember who spoke up, but I remember that I was pretty shocked at what she said "I would never kiss a guy unless we had dated for at least a month."
It wasn't exactly comfortable having my friends judge me so. Physicality is very important for me; when I really like someone I want to be able to enjoy hugging and kissing them. If these requirements aren't met, it could make or break a relationship. Needless to say, I try not to fall for someone unless I know they meet those requirements. If I were to wait for a month, I could become emotionally attached to a slobbery kisser. And I have never been much of a kissing teacher.
Needless to say, I probably won't be hanging out with these friends as much as I used to. While the title wasn't directly said, I could tell it was implied. I understand the idea of kissing many people sort of devalues the act (even that seems a little high and mighty of other people to me). But I have never really kissed someone for the hell of it. I can honestly say that everyone I have kissed I have been attracted to and had a minor crush on. I had genuine feelings for those people. I cannot believe that my kisses have been devalued just because everyone I kissed has not been my boyfriend (at the time at least).
When it comes down to it, kissing really is just a physical act. Are hugs devalued because you hug your friends? If you smile at a random stranger, are your smiles devalued? Kissing a lot of people puts you at risk of diseases but that person is still lucky to kiss you, regardless of whether you're married or complete strangers. Kissing is a physical act that is used to express an emotion, whether it be love, lust, or even boredom. It's up to you how to live your life and while I personally would prefer to not make out with everyone in my dorm, if that's what makes you happy go for it.
What do you think? How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss?
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Comments (53)
I kiss people I like and/or am attracted to. I haven't kissed anyone "for the hell of it," but I imagine I would under different circumstances.
I've kissed three people, but my first kiss was with my current boyfriend, and it happened after we started dating. Then I kissed a close friend and made out with my now-girlfriend... the night I met her. So I guess I'm a bit "all over the board" with it.
Needless to say, though, I don't think there was anything wrong with your kiss. Keep doin' what you want, you're not hurting anyone. ;)
my first kiss ever was when i was 16, with a friend of a friend i barely knew, and i was so upset over that for a while because i'd hoped it would be with someone i really liked. but then i got over that initial guilt, and i'd kiss people just for fun all the time. i figured it was just kissing, and i wouldn't let it get beyond that, so it didn't matter. but i'm all settled down now and only kiss one person, hopefully forever. it's so much better to kiss someone you're in love with, but i don't really think kissing just for fun is that huge a deal. i wouldn't go beyond that unless i really cared for someone, but yeah. we all have our limits.
kisses only mean something if you want it to mean something, otherwise there just a action.
whaaaaaa! a month before sex i can see but before kissing? no way. a kiss seals the deal for me i say. if he cant kiss well and eats my face, that initial attraction for the guy will fade away. but if his kiss blows me away, well ill be more interested than ever! your friends were a bit too "strict" or prude in that aspect, in my opinion. mmm, i guess im picky to where i am not a make out whore. lol. i only kiss when its in the moments for the first time. if the magics in the air... =)
this perfectly illustrates why it's impossible to ever know what girls fucking want. what your friends fail to realize is that if they don't do it, guys will think they're uninterested. though in their defense, if they've never kissed anyone before, i could understand why they're not comfortable moving that quickly.
by the way: "I feel any person who underestimates the importance of physicality in a relationship is very foolish." i'm glad that an 18 year old girl finds herself justified in calling an entire class of people fools.
I tend to take a while until i feel that certain connection which i did with my current boyfriend.
I don't think your a 'slut' for rushing though you just did what you felt and hey everyone is different your friends need to relax(:Well I think as long as your friends can understand that they're more conservative and you guys don't see things the same way then it's fine.
Though I understand not wanting to hang around people you feel are judging you.
As for my personal opinion: kissing is weird for me. I think if I kissed someone it would be with the consideration that I want to date them or at least let them know Im interested.
oh god ..lol i would have shot my brains out if those were my friends. i've got friends like that too, not that that extreme though. I tend to keep those details of my life private. to each their own..
oh dear.
I'll snog anything, even a hamster.
Your friends sound like that snooty clique in every stupid movie aimed at teenagers.
I am just amused that the last article on here talked about someone having sex with a guy she didn't know in a public bathroom stall. And now I'm reading about how people think kissing a guy before you date him is wrong? XD
kissing is more intimate to me than hugs or casual smiles. a kiss on the forehead feels more endearing than a hug or smile although with the right person, a simple hug and smile can still send sparks flying
I'm even serious when I crush on someone. I probably wouldn't kiss a casual crush that I've barely crushed on for like a month lol but maybe 6 months, I'll opt for a kiss
it depends though. I'd still have to get to know my crush or whoever guy that I'm with. I might cuddle with a guy that I really like but not makeout with him at a party for example. it just isn't my thing. I don't have any qualms about feeling his sexy and toned biceps though and can be just as content with a secure hug
kissing is icing on the cake but mainly with someone special. to each their own. if you feel comfortable and like him, then go ahead.
i don't think thats bad at all. if you were to bang before you dated, then i would be judging you.
Well, with my first boyfriend, I didn't kiss him until 3 maybe 4 months into dating him. We broke up a year after dating, not because of physical attraction not being there anymore, just because we weren't working. There was way too much we disagreed on.
With my boyfriend now, he kissed me on our second date, which was a couple months after our first date which was in February, with little ice cream runs in between. But he was classified as my boyfriend until 3 months after that. And we've been going strong for a couple days over 2 years now.
I'm with you. I actually think it's important to see if you even have any physical chemistry with someone before you start officially dating them - if I kiss someone and the kiss sucks, I can just end that pretty easily. If we're "dating" first? Way harder.
And I feel the same way about sex before marriage. I would NEVER EVER marry someone without having sex with them first. Not only does it bring your relationship to a whole different level, but you also find out if it's even going to work for you. As someone who has had sex with a guy who was far too thick for my comfort, I can tell you right now I'd be depressed as hellllll if I married that guy without having sex with him first. I had sex with him a few times trying to see if it would get better and it was painful EVERY TIME. Breaking up is a lot easier than divorcing.@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - It's how she feels. I'm sure you have viewpoints that not all of humanity agrees with.
I made out with my (now) fiance after like a week... I'd never really done that with anyone before, so it was strange and new and exciting. And now we're going on two years together in August :) something just clicked with us. Made it feel right.
I only kiss the one I'm in love with, at least in that kind of way.
Your friends need to loosen up. Not everyone is like them, and they are not like everyone else.
I made out with my second girlfriend for 4 hours before we became official. She initiated it too, so I wasn't complaining. :D
Do conservative guys exist? (I need one!)
@valeriebeth04@xanga - - I'm certain they are. Depending on your age, they may be more or less difficult to find. They certainly are hidden away in college.
Your friends are trying to make you feel bad and they're probably immature. I had conservative friends who thought I was bad because I said "damn" in front of them once. I had a potty mouth according to them. We were 17.
I kissed boys before dating them many times. It's not a big deal. It's just kissing.
"I understand the idea of kissing many people sort of devalues the act" good thing you followed it up with the "are hugs devalued?" question, because I was going to say- not at all, and even "understanding" the idea is really just holding yourself back and still adhering to the virgin-whore paradigm. And it's true, replace it with anything not related to a woman's sexuality, and it becomes a kind of silly statement. Would you understand the idea of saving many people devaluing the act of saving their lives? Etc.
And haha, I wouldn't even get too concerned if I had sex before I dated someone, although that hasn't happened before. I'm a little too skittish to have sex willy nilly (willy! ha.) but it matters more to me that I trust and feel connected to the person rather than the title of the relationship- I've had boyfriends that I would not have been at all comfortable having sex with.
you're misusing the word physicality...