After this, I want most of you to know that I am neither a relationship expert nor anyone's player or wingman. This is just me dishing advice from experience.
One of my good comrades at Xanga sarcastically hinted at being sober and unable to get laid. Being the slightly self-centered person I can be at times, I thought about one thing: how I was in his place. I am sober and I couldn't get anything. But this realization led me to being able to do one thing: help him with advice.
What I told him is that the clean cut person was me--it still is, as a matter of fact.
There used to be times where I would not bother talking to a girl, except to whomever I was dating about sex, because I wasn't convinced anyone would want to screw a guy like me. But over the years, I have picked plenty of things up.
Over the years I have learned that one way you might be able to get it is by knowing the girl you are with. Have a nice conversation, talk about each other and your situations, talk about love, talk about sex.
You can't just up and say you want to fuck...unless you happened to be a bit of the man she has been wishing to have sex with. When it comes to talking about sex, I learned women are most likely to discuss if you are mature and if they are comfortable with doing so. That includes what she likes, what she doesn't like, who she likes, and whether or not she sees you in her bedroom anywhere in the future.
Since my good man usually watches porn, I'm going to also say this to him:
there is a reason why the people involved in a mainstream porno usually sit a woman down, have a conversation about anything, including sexual interests, before they get down to the booty. They are first feeling out the woman, and
then seeing if she is up for it. If she's not, then it's whatever.
After all, the cardinal rule of sex pretty much comes down to this: the one who mostly gets to decide whether they want to have sex with you or not is
her. It's not that hard to turn on some men, but most girls are a little more practical about who they want having anything to do with her pussy.
Her body is a temple, and she is the one who decides who can cum inside and who can't. (Thank you! Thank you very much!)
If you just happened to be the guy she doesn't want up in her, then don't try and force her answer to change. It's just not likely. At the risk of sounding awkwardly derogatory, people say "there are plenty more fish in the sea" for a reason.
I guess it takes a certain type of bait to really make one bite your line. (I sound like a bonafide asshole, don't I? Let's move on.)
The reason why I think some women will hate me for writing this comes down to this piece of information. I have talked to plenty of women friends. Some of them will only talk about sex to me if they are comfortable with it. I won't force them to, either. But I have a feeling that if I was both nearer or more open, I would possibly get laid here and there like (*snap*) that, due to this advice.
So, for a certain Xangan friend, I say this:
if you want to just have that so badly, it helps to not make it simply about the sex at all. Those girls are probably rare in society anyway. Focus on being real with who you are, be real with her about what you talk about, then see if it's in the cards for you. There are a trillion or so women in this world. One of them you talk to probably wouldn't mind the opportunity of giving you what you want.
Any other advice to add to this?
True
Comments (17)
Girls that want nothing but sex? Not that rare. Not any more rare than the guy who only wants sex.
Most of my sexual partners have been one night (or weekend) stands. I can't give people much advice on the subject, though, because not many people are like me: loud, outgoing, visually unique (tattoos, dyed hair, constant giant smile, etc), quick with a joke, comfortable with myself.
Myself, I've never had a "serious" talk about sex with a woman before going in for a quick hook up. It's always a joking talk with serious undertones.
i was thinking about this the other day when i was practically "eye raping" the "id fuck him" guys passing by. i cant speak for all ladies but women that i know are guilty of playing that game as much as men. so even though my eyes and mind get a lot of action, my nether regions do not. lol. women are very sexual creatures. most of the women i know including myself, looooove sex and would have it everyday is possible. BUT its the approach that kills it. a guy can be cute , charming, or whatever so that within those few seconds of checking him out you already made up your mind that you'd sleep with him. but if he fucks up his approach, forget it. i think (from my and my friends experience) ladies need to feel appreciated, special, like the only girl your eyes are on is her. even if you wanna hit it and quit it right after. -_- whether youre trying to have sex with her right now or at a future time, the approach in making her feel liked and special is how to do it. fail in that and more likely than not, youre not getting near her. no woman wants to feel like she is just another lay or notch in your belt. you can get away with that with the women who are desperate for attention. but not with a woman of worth. not that i should be giving advie to the douches.
@ShirleyD@xanga - ah, so my pick up line of "lemme get up in them guts" isn't going to get me anywhere. I see. :P
when i read the fish line, i thought to myself, i prefer the bus analogy. but then i saw your next sentence. you win the prize.
@ShirleyD@xanga - the whole special thing works great for relationships but not for the hit it and quit it route (as you so eloquently called it, haha). well, i guess i should qualify that more--what i mean is that when you're at the club (for example) and you demonstrate that you're not trying to suck one girl's proverbial dick, but rather are successful with women, you're much more likely to get laid.
by the way, i resent you calling guys douches.
Girls are just as sexual as guys, but they hide a lot of it because of the BS social stigma
But if you let girls decide when and if you can have sex, you will be in for a life of misery.
a sharply dressed charming man that I can tell that he has a nicely toned hot body underneath the clothes
with a very cute face and when he looks at me, I get nervous and can't help but to smile back while I'm in a daze
then when he talks to me, I'm not really paying attention to what he's saying because I'm checking him out and wonder how hot his o-face would look like
lol most likely...this guy is someone who I'd consider jumping his bones. haven't hooked up yet because I just haven't met a guy like this that makes me melt. I've seen plenty of attractive local men but none have stirred these feelings, except for dennis o'neil, who I've never met because he's too good to be true:D
Well, for one don't look to porn for any advice. Porn is for men and their fantasies.
I think it's sad that you men just want to hook up like this. But if that's your motive, there are girls that just want to hook up too. Find those girls. Trying to be nice and making a girl feel special when all you want is sex is wrong. And that's probably why you strike out. They discover you only want sex and shoot you down cuz you tried to be all friendly and deceptive.
@ShirleyD@xanga - lol Yeah, it feels bad giving advice to the douches. But he's not looking for a woman of worth, he's looking for a girl who just wants to get laid. And those girls are out there, he should look for them and leave the girls, who don't want just sex, alone.
I see it as me giving him advice that won't hurt the most girls.
@GodlessLiberal@xanga - You said it! Men are not the only ones. I would fuck you and I am horny right now... I've done this more often than not. Over half of the people I've slept with were one night stands. In this case i'm the loud, outgoing, and comfortable with myself one. I tend to get what I want.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I am not calling ALL guys douches. I said the douches as in if an actual douche of a man takes my advice and uses it for his douchey evil. So no reason to resent anything unless you are a douche? Not to be taken personal otherwise.
@SlackerSociety@xanga - Lol that approach may work. You never know, so try it!!! Lines work on women EVERYday. Even dirty ones like that.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - True. Guys act like it's so hard to find a willing woman but they're out there. A lot. But yes, leave the non wanting ladies be. I am one of those. Guys just need to say hey, I want sex from you only or hey, I want something meaningful as to not waste time. Some guys and their games...
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - There will be a much men who want to hook up as there are men who want relationships. But I'm sorry, it just doesn't seem possible for a man, after being in so many relationships, to want to keep at the search of love without that moment where he just wants to either keep to self or have a little fun, before thinking about going back into another relationship. This is the mindset of those who do take love very seriously. Seriously enough to know that you are or are not even ready for more romance.
Have you ever seen The Last Kiss? Zach's character constantly had to choose between getting out of the seriousness of marriage or keeping his girl. He wound up cheating. And for what? He already has someone good. But perhaps, he hopped into something good and wonderful too early for his own good?
The porn thing, by the way, is a reference to a friend of mine who watches porn a lot, and has not a lot of luck with women. This was written for him in mind. SInce we are on the subject, I may want to point out that whether you are a man or a woman, not watching porn, not hooking up and waiting for love that you may not be ready for, when you think about it, seems either unrealistic or dangerous...especially since for women, if those very sexually active wait long, their vaginas start to hurt, ans supposedly, a man's penis starts to smell. (TMI but very necessary information.)
I agree with others that women are just as sexual, but the idea that its sad that men want to hook up is why I was skeptical about writing this in the first place. because this was written with the idea in mind that some women have just the same goals as the man. But whether you stumble into sex or a relationship isn't easy to determine. But you can't go wrong with a nice, honest conversation.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - I understand your point. IMO, men or women who are just looking for a hookup are douches. They use people just for sex and that is wrong to me. However, to each their own and those people should find each other and do whatever they want together. They shouldn't play those looking for a relationship just to get them into bed.
Porn is for men, no man should look to it for pointers on how to get laid. It's not going to work.
True, you can't go wrong with a nice honest conversation, but at least be up front if you're just looking to get laid. A girl who just wants to get laid too, won't care about the conversation that much.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - The thing is while we know just looking for sex only seems kind of selfish to all parties involved, we know that participating in the game of love, when we are clearly not ready for anotherrelationship, seems dangerous to all parties involved. I have been in around 11 or 12 relationships. Neither of them ever really worked out for me, and at this point, I kind of just give up. Not because I am lazy, but because I know that if I enter another good relationship, eventually, I will be equipped to hurt that girl, when she doesn't deserve it. Women, I'm sorry to say, are just like this, as well. You call it being a douchebag, we call it being honest and being much less of a burden to your heart. With that, I'm sorry to say that you may secretly be surrounded by douchebags.
Also, the idea that porn is for men is also a very sexist view, especially since women today are now more unapologetic in being open with their sexuality. This is like saying that most women are interested in only love not just sex, when it's not always completely true. I see girls on Xanga, Datingish and whatnot talking every day about liking porn, too, wanting sex, or anything having to do with that matter. They even have lesbian porn, which was made for women. The last thing a woman ever wants to hear telling her she has a
manly behavior is another woman. It just comes off a lot as an attempt to put her down.
I do agree with "to each his own", but I just have to negate the idea that most girls now are simply bound to that idea. You see it everyday that women are interested in those ideas. How are you just going to hold onto the idea that women are exactly what you describe them to be? You already men and women who admittedly only want sex are douchebags. And like I said, if that is true, then you might as well be surrounded by douchebags. You are talking to a douche right now. (By the way, I prefer to be called a prick.)
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - I have no problem if you seek out the girl who just want to get laid. You're on an even keel with them. It's when a guy or girl, seeks out who he/she wants without regards to their feelings that is really, really becomes an issue. There are girls who just want sex, not a relationship, find them and be douches together and leave the other people alone.
What I mean is that porn is written for men, not as a guide how to woo women, but to fulfill men's fantasies. The stuff done in porn is for what men want. Although, I reckon all that "reality porn" by regular people might be an exception, I don't know. True, I would reckon some/most of lesbian porn would be for women, but still not all because men are really turned on by two women getting it on together. I'm not judging porn or people who wish to watch porn, I'm just pointing out it's not a good measure on how to get laid nor how women wish to be treated in bed.
I think people treat sex too much like it's an unalienable right that each person MUST have without regards to any rules. I think the end result of that is that people are hurt. I think hitting on a girl and "talking to her" to get her into bed is totally a douche bag move. (Same for women doing it to men.) I don't have a problem with two grown adults having all the consensual sex they want for whoever they want so long as both parties know up front it is just about sex.
To me sex, is far more special and intimate than having it with someone I just met. People who prey on others, just for sex are douches. I'm not going to apologize for feeling that way. You may call me a prude, if you like. But it doesn't change the fact that casual sex is a selfish act that doesn't respect the other person as a person, but merely treats the person as an object.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - You're not a prude. I get what you mean now. It is for loe, and it is best used for love. I guess one question I want to ask is that what does it mean, when relationship by relationship your belief in love and relationships have kind of waned. You know? If someone can tackle that for a next post, that'll be fantastic.
@mynameisblueskye@xanga - What kind of girls are you dating? Because girls have to wait for the guy to ask, so many are fake to attract the attention of men. Because men don't look around the room for someone interested in them, women have to be fake and be the "dream girl" the guy is looking for.
Tell me... do you look around the room for a girl that you find interesting or do you look for a girl that finds you interesting? Girls will go out with guys that they are not really interested in because their options are few. If you have to wait for the guy to approach you, you get desperate. A lot of girls date and get involved in relationships that don't matter to them so they can say they have a boyfriend.
Guys should try dating girls who are interested in them first and see if that works better. Still they'll run into fake girls, but I bet guys would do themselves a favor by paying more attention to girls that actually like them, than the ones settling for anyone to date. Good Luck!!
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I will instead tell you the girls I have dated. Most of the girls I have dated ranged from one selfish girl to a boldface liar and cheater to various types of girls, except those who seem capable of breaking a heart. I like women who are real with who they are, when they date me. I don't care who comes up to who for a date. Some of the girls were indeed helpful. But some the girls I dated had no idea whatsoever as to why things went downhill. I'll explain it in the next post I put up for Datingish, which explains me taking a necessary break from dating for something serious. All my life, I dated just to find a serious girlfriend, and at this point, I'm just not convinced that I can keep it up any longer. You know?
You'll see it when it eventually comes up. I'm sure plenty of people would relate to this kind of situation.