Sunday, 17 July 2011
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Experiencing Secondhand Sex
I blame this partly on us all growing up in a Catholic environment both at home and at school where talk or thoughts of sex were suppressed, but I was close friends with a group of girls who started having sex before they hit high school. I was considered the "late bloomer" out of my group of friends, but was ironically the only one who had a boyfriend for more than a few months at that time.
I never felt pressured to have sex. At that point I was still hell-bent on saving myself for marriage--especially at that young of an age, but I will admit that hearing their stories about the different boys they had slept with and the random places they had sex inspired my initial fascination with sex.
They would tell me that the first time hurts a lot if you still have a hymen and that I might bleed a little. And that ejaculation tasted would taste like a salt paste. That right before the guy is about to go, his back gets really sweaty and tense all of a sudden.
I didn't quite understand what kind of emotional or physical implications came with sharing your body intimately with someone else until years later. I kind of liked only knowing what kissing and making-out was like because there was some kind of specialness in just not knowing. In just wondering and fantasizing. In exploring this kind of intimacy in my writing first so I could compare my preconceptions with the reality later on.
Once something was done for the first time, it can never be that first time again, it can never hold that same newness. Of course, I've experienced the same things with different guys, but I have a certain fondness for my "firsts" regardless of how it ended up.
And then the time came I stopped living vicariously through my friends completely and experienced all things sexual for myself at different stages in my adolescence. I was the one who now shared my stories with my friends who hadn't been intimate with anyone yet. My fascination with secondhand sex became my own personal encounters.
Have you ever experienced Secondhand Sex? Did hearing about your friends' stories make you curious about having sex before you lost your virginity?
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (14)
The only second hand information I received even close to that was being told by my older sister what French kissing was like. She said it involved plastering lips together, sticking tongues in one another's mouths, and sucking a little. I thought it sound really germy and gross. I also thought she was joking... right up until my boyfriend tried to give me my first french kiss. I freaked out and tried to run from him but he caught me and tried again. Once I got used to it I thought it was the best thing since chocolate. Sex, on the other hand, was a complete shock that no one had warned me about in any manner shape or form.
Yeah, I went to a Catholic grammar school where kissing was considered taboo, so when I went to a public high school and people had found out I had never even kissed a guy before... or even had somebody like me... I was actually quite ridiculed. I'd hear stories; they made me curious but never enough to go out and experiment myself.
I went to a public, non-religious school and I know plenty of people who lost their Vcard before they were 14. I'm tired of people assuming it only happens to Catholics - you never hear Jews blaming their promiscuity on their strict Jewish upbringing.
I wanted to have sex since I first learned about its existence. I couldn't wait to grow up and have sex.
Nope. All the information I knew about sex was from sex education. I also learned a lot about the female body from my girlfriend at the time.
@Ampbreia@xanga - haha you tried to run? that's hilarious.
I grew up with a religious group of friends, but none of us had ever even kissed a dude- like really, I didn't have one friend who had. I was the first one to have sex, and I'm an outcast now because of it (not married *gasp*), but I don't really care.
@magicunicorns@xanga - its cuz everyone knows jews are sluts ;)
Well, I am a virgin and my high school taught abstinence-only sex education so my friends are the only way to get an informed idea of what sex is like and birth control.
I had sex because I wanted to, not because I was overly curious about it. A lot of the times, my friends never really talked about sex. Though the times they did talk about it, a lot of it was in jest of course, but not serious at all.
Lol I came from a high school that was about 1/5 asian, and that's how I managed to stay naive and sheltered up until...college.
I DID NOT go to a Catholic school but most of my friends in HIGH SCHOOL already had sex by the time we reached grade 11 and they used to tease that I was going to save it for marriage. But really, I used to believe that if you held hands and felt each other (dry humping) too often or too rigoriously, I can get pregnant. At an early age, my fear was being knocked up. So, even as my sexually experienced galpals would tell me I WON"T get pregant from kissing too long or rub over clothing, I was still terrified. hahaha silly me~
They told me it was going to hurt for my first time and since I'm a bleeder, they told me that if it hurts after because I'm bleeding, I'm not going to hemorraging enough to die. They also told me never to let a boy kiss me on my neck for too long = hickies, or be rough with me because I bruise too easily and I prob. would have issues explaining it with a straight face to my mom. I'm a really crappy liar. So yeah, I think most people experience the sexual exploitations of our more experienced friends whether it's a Catholic neighbourhood and being suppressed about sexual curiosities is natural or you were never that curious about sex until they all started talking about it so detailed and graphic!!
Hmm. I was the first to have sex out of all my friends, so I was the one always sharing my stories. My next friend didn't start having sex until 6 years after me. So I was an extremely early bloomer; all of my friends kind of were saving themselves. I didn't believe that way, so I went for what I wanted... I had sex because I wanted it. Badly. I ended up dating the guy for 5 years, ironically, but my first was far from my best.
Aww I was a late-bloomer too! I think it's because a bunch of my friends who had sex at 15-16 shared their experiences with me in full-detail so I just learned from the things that went "wrong". Basically I think I was just really cautious of not doing things I'd regret. I hate being heartbroken or rejected so I tried to avoid it at all costs. lol
I spent ten years of my life going to school at an extremely uptight and prestigious private Christian school. Even holding hands in the hallway with your boyfriend/girlfriend was considered punishable by detention. Forget about any other acts of affection other than a friendly hug. Sex is always something that has sparked my interest. I had fantasies and for a fourteen or fifteen year old girl, they were pretty steamy. I got expelled from said school and started at public school when I was a junior in high school. After I began dating my "first love", we had sex after being together for six months. It wasn't as steamy or hot as my fantasies and honestly, I had nothing but "boring" sex for about eleven months after that until I met my fiance and that's when my fantasies were brought to life ;)
for some reason... I just have no desire to have sex :) I'm content with being a virgin and I want to be for awhile longer. if anything ever comes close to sex I just ... leave. or stop. I guess I am that girl that likes hearing the second hand stories from friends and just wondering!
kissing wasn't the same for me though. I never cared about stories hahhhah and it wasn't that "omg" when it happened to me either.