Saturday, 16 July 2011
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Why It Sucks to Have Parents Who are In Love
My parents met each other 26 years ago and immediately fell in love and began their life together. As soon as they met they spent every day together and haven't spent a night apart. To this day they still hold hands, go everywhere together including the super market and gas station, and each and every one of their thoughts correlates with one another.
Their age difference of 13 years hasn't affected their relationship negatively, in fact it has made it better and my father has been a factor in my mother's life that has allowed her to grow into a more incredible person and vice versa. Plain and simple, they're adorable and it's disgusting.
That being said, my expectations of a relationship have grown from watching my parents' love towards one another and because the bar is raised so high it's hard for me to reach the heights they expect me to find.
Don't get me wrong, I am so lucky to have parents who are still very much together and because of that I am in a very healthy place when I look for love in new relationships. But these expectations prevent me from dating anyone who falls short of the checklist I have made up in my head. As I've gotten older the checklist has gotten longer and more detailed, now are requirements about character, family, and religion where I used to have requirements simply about appearance and chemistry.
I find myself trying to fill in the formula that my parents represent in order to find the perfect match and while there are days I don't want to settle for less, there are also days when I feel I need to find my own formula instead of copying one that was made for two different people.
Do you find that your parents' relationship effects the way you approach relationships yourself?
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About the Author
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- From: CarlyPaige
- About Me: Currently I am a college student studying English and Education. A true monogamist, I have only had 2 serious boyfriends but have been single for 2 years. The dating scene in college is complicated to say the least and here I will share with you my experiences, my friends experiences, both past and present as an example of what to do when confronted with awkwardness, confusion and love.
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Comments (96)
I wish my parents LIKED each other. In my 20 years, I have literally never seen them kiss let alone hug or show any sort of affection towards each other. Yet they stay together because the Church says so, and it's pretty much fucked up both of them and my three siblings.
Yes and no.
No, I always figured that I was an individual and that I would marry an individual and because of that my marriage would be completely different from my parents'.
Yes, there were so many things my mom put up with and put aside for my dad, that I knew I would not put up with or tolerate from any man, not even for a second.
Yes, my parents affect how I approach relationships. My parents are alcoholics and so mean to each other and us kids that I've made sure I didn't become huge fuck ups like they are.
You have good parents. There is not a single reason for that to suck. No matter our upbringing it is our responsibility to make good relationships and stability in our lives. Let me put it this way, if you had crappy parents would you accept lower expectations? No! You're an individual and you can't expect to follow a carbon copy blue print of your parents.
your parents do sound adorable! it makes sense why you try for a relationship with such magic. =) for me though, my parents i think, have a very normal relationship. but i dont base my relationships on theirs. i think im my own person and my story, like everyone elses, will happen like its supposed to for me. i look up to some others relationships but in the end, its gonna happen however it happens.
Haha I see a lot of hate coming towards you just for the title.
I am a very emotional person when it comes to relationships and my parents have always taken the more pragmatic approach.
I don't think my parents' relationship with each other influenced how I treat my love life, personally, but I've never been super close with my parents. I'm sure if I had more of a relationship and open dialogue with them that I might see things through a different lens.
um, my parents love each other and I think it is pretty freakin awesome!
Uh...this is a good thing. My parents are married, but very distant. Nobody in my family connects.My dad hasn't even spoken to his family since theyve been married. My mom's family isn't much better. They have no emotional closeness to each other, our extended family, or me. I don't even have siblings. I am so desperate for love that I would attach to any guy who came along (perhaps, luckily for me, there have been none) but not really, because I don't really know how to do that, and the only person who I really do connect with is my minister. Things like family, religion, values, character....these are the things that make relationships work or fall apart...you SHOULD have expectations about that. I would much rather be determined to find someone who loves me, even if it limited me, than be the way I am, which is, not knowing how to love at all.
Let me clarify that this is not relationship advice- Im afraid you would have legal grounds to sue if i offered that. My dad was an abusive alchoholic that kicked me out when i was 15 for "not cutting my hair.....and im sure not living up to whatever his expectations were...sitting down and shutting up maybe. I was after all a nervous kid. So, with that said, i drink, i got in loud verbally abusive confrontations with my ex and some pushing happend a couple of times as well. But i am not my father, as it would turn out. I am my mother. I have let people walk all over me my whole life and dealt with it with humor and self degradation. And as materful a liar my x is, i was equally masterful at denial and supression of the truth (yes, there is a distinct difference, specifically the impact they have when you realize that one could have saved you all of this grief had you confronted it at the beginning, (denial) and then supression of the truth, its almost akin to laziness, it is easier simply not to put the pieces together and continue not understanding what is wrong....because we've gotten so good at it. So, its really all about making sure you know who YOU are, and not just who you are at 7am when your in a bad mood and the toothpaste is still making the oj taste bad. Because you are 200 personalities away from that person at 7pm on Friday night with some friends and that same oj still tasting like crap but now its from the vodka the boy you like is putting in it. We change for people, situations, occassionally to better ourselves but not nearly as often as we do to appear better to others. The most stable people i have known, and they are few and far, were the ones that had a true since of themselfs. Not confidence, more of an awareness, and god forbid two of those people meet cause they end up being just like your parents. My sister and her husband.....work together, shower together....they only own one car! I dont even like bringing friends around them because my own friends will question my devotion in their presence.- jk - mostly
My parents are divorced and they hate each other.
I try to live up to my own expectations and no one else's.
@Murphy_Rants@xanga - amen, it's the alcohol demons talking.
Aww...my boyfriend's parents are the same. They've been together for 26-ish years as well...while my parents hated each other's guts. My dad used to beat my mom every single night and she was always miserable being with him.
Anyyyyway...watching my boyfriend's parents makes me giggle because that's how I envision he and I to be together when we're older. His parents always tell us about how much we remind them of themselves. It's strange because I look up to THEIR relationship for inspiration and not my own parents. Because of them, and my boyfriend, my bar is set high for any guy who comes after (though I doubt there would be any guy after...because I doubt there'll be an "after")
I think you are just feeling sorry for yourself. Because in this case..no one else will. Work on yourself and stop blaming things in your life for w/e reason. Sorry but my parents dont get along and to hear someone complain about their parents being in love is just obnoxious.
Um.. how is this a negative factor? You have expectations of finding a person that you can enjoy life with.. instead of settling down or using a guy for their money. They inspire you to find a man that can give you a marriage full of love... Is this post supposed to be a satire? Of course you don't have to have these expectations.. if you prefer a superficial relationship, your parents can't actually stop you, you can let them stop you or pretend that you have no choices, but the truth is that you do have choices and you make them, nobody else makes them for you. You probably are just lonely and you're trying to put the blame for your loneliness onto people you are jealous of.
Lol, this is like saying "why it sucks to have money"...don't complain or find reasons to dislike the riches you have been blessed with. you're making it sound like a bad thing to strive for perfection, would you rather just settle for less, um I don't think so, so your complaint is illogical.
I don't see how high standards are such a bad thing. I did end up just finding someone who embodies all of the standards that I had, without even know I had some standards. But when you don't have high standards you end up with a jerk, or at least I did....I'm not with him anymore, But I definitely had to add a few (quite a few) standards after I broke up with him. I am now with my high standards man. And you know know how people say you usually end up dating someone who reminds you of your dad (for girls) or your mom (for guys)? Well That's also kind of how it worked.
Mine are exactly like that. It makes me look at my relationships differently, as in "I need to find someone who is as in love me on day 1 as they will be in 30 years". I love them, and I'm happy for them, but sometimes really bothers me!
My parents are getting divorced after 26 years of marriage, 14 of which they were basically separated in the same house.
I understand that you're trying to describe the difficulties of high standards, but this was not the way to do it. Because I'm pretty sure the majority of readers here have divorced parents, thus making this is more offensive than effective.It does not "suck" to have parents who are in love. You are blessed beyond compare that you have such a great example in front of you. The rest of us are just shifting through crappy relationships trying to find one that one-ups the crap that our parents did.
count your blessings. it's better to have parents in love than parents that constantly fight and bicker.
Kay mine are divorced or separated. I don't exactly know and I never bothered to talk about it. My parents only talk to each other when something has happened to me or when it's about taxes. When I was little I had family friends asking me why my mom always sleep over at their homes and say stuff like "Does your mom not have a home?" It's incredibly irritating and at that time I was unaware of what really happened so I was hurt. Sure I do wish that they're together like how yours are. But in the end, I'm not going to blame anyone because of how the bits in my life will result. I'm going to dictate how it happens. And if nothing goes the way I expect it to, then that's just how it is.
All in all, I am rather offended.
You're going to hate on me for this, but I think your parents relationship sounds lovely! :) I'm awwwwing right here in my bed! haha
My parents still have a strong relationship. They've been together since they were 16. Got married at 25. Had me at 27. Now they're in their early 50s and still go on several dates together a week. I'd love to someday have what they have! :)
My mom has been married five times. Watching her, I figured all relationships were bullshit and I'd never get married. I also figured that unhealthy relationships were normal so I kept dating scumbags.
Eventually I got over it and now I'm dating the love of my life, a class act dude, and his parents are still together and in love, and I think he turned out as well as he did because he was raised by them.
You're really lucky. I wish I had been too picky and known that I didn't have to settle for losers. You're not missing out on anything, seriously.
its natural to change what you want in a partner. Looks and chemistry are great when your young because your not looking to settledown for good. Religion, family, etc is important when looking for a life partner because you want someone to be compatible and provide a good life for ur future kids.
I want my relationship to be like your parents!
I haven't seen too many relationships, beyond my own, where the two people truly seem to love or even like each other. What a refreshing change that would be.
My parent's relationship hasn't really affected me, I don't think. Though I guess it make me believe people can work things out and stick it out if they really want to stay together. My parents argue a lot, more so as I got older, and my mom has a tendency of being emotional. But since I left for college, they've become more lovey dovey, which I guess means they are working it out. Both my parents come from divorced homes and each had issues that came out of it (and for my dad, still occurring because both his parents remarried) so I think they wouldn't resort to divorce easily.