Saturday, 16 July 2011
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When Random Guys Ask You for Your Number While Riding on Public Transportation Together
"Never trust a guy who asks for your number on the train" is a motto I've lived by so far.
And I'm still alive. So it must be working.Surely only crazies talk to people on the train? Let alone ask for their numbers?
So far I've been of the impression that if a dude is confident enough to ask for your number on public transport, then he's probably asking for all kinds of ladies' numbers all over the place. And I refuse to be one of all of those ladies.But last weekend I was sat there on the Tube, somewhere between Stockwell and Oxford Circus, reading my book, when a manly and accented voice interrupted: "I just finished reading that. I loved it."
Usually I HATE my reading being disturbed. It's like being woken from a peaceful sleep by my alarm. But there are exceptions to all rules: and call me sexist, but a young and fairly-attractive guy is an exception to most of mine.
He looked and sounded Dutch. Is that a racist thing to say?
You can't just assume people are Northern European from a quick glance.
No? Well, I do.He was just blond. And manly. And quite tall. Dutch was an easy assumption to make.
But I was wrong. And unlike most women, I like being proved wrong--it excites me.He told me his name. It sounded delightfully Latino. He said he was from Argentina.
The book I was reading, which Argentinain had just finished, was Dark Star Safari, by Paul Theroux. It's a travel book about Africa, penned by a guy who road-tripped from Cairo to Cape Town. Argentinian said he had just finished travelling around Ethiopia with a friend.
That's kind of sexy. Two guys, out there in the wilds of Africa... doing manly things. For some reason I'm imagining them hunting a lion in bear skins.
Geographically inappropriate AND inhumane, but that's the way my fantasies fly.Anyway, after a short chat about our travels he asked for my number.
And I suddenly freaked out. "You STUPID girl!" I could hear my friends chastising me already.Especially Nabz. "When a HOT guy asks for your number, you GIVE it!" she was going to shout, exasperated at this meek and incapable Welsh girl who needs to grow a pair of balls.
But I just didn't feel comfortable giving my number to a random guy on the Tube, because:
A) Like I said earlier, surely only crazies ask for your number on the train?
AND:
B) I'm not entirely sure if I'm single right now. (Which is a situation I'll probably write about later.)So I told him I had a boyfriend.
Which is a partial lie. But partial lies are OK when you're several hundred feet below ground, talking to strangers on a train... right?He looked slightly dejected. But not majorly deterred.
He just went on talking about his travels, until we reached his stop where he announced:
"I'm getting off here. It was lovely to meet you. Please let me have your number, even if it's just to be friends?"And something in my dark heart melted and I let him have it. Number-whore.
He's text me several times since. I've only replied once.
I need to not be so apprehensive of men. I know. Just because a guy's a stranger, doesn't mean he's STRANGE.
I have a dating-history where I seem to only ever have hooked-up with guys I had formed a friendship with first. I met them all either through mutual acquaintances, or at work, or at school. So I'm slightly apprehensive of the great-unknown of dating-guys-I-met-on-the-train, or met-at-a-bar.
It's a whole wilderness of men I'm suddenly confronted with. Do I need a gun? Is there a map?!
It's all so scarily unfamiliar to me.
I know, I know, I need to break bad habits and just get out there and give it a try."I'm still alive, so what I've been doing so far must be working." Is NO mantra to live by.
But how do YOU feel about guys asking for your number?
On the bus? On the train? Randomly in the street?
Have you ever asked for a guys number in such circumstances?
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- From: WelshGirl
- Name: WelshGirl
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- About Me: 24. Welsh. Loves classic literature, big adventures, cold cider and history geeking.
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Comments (36)
Just say NO!
I have never asked a female for their number and neither have a female to me.
I don't ride trains XD
I don't ride trains. e _ e
i talk to people everywhere...and i really do mean everywhere. and i've never hesitated to ask a girl for her number when we've been chatting for a few minutes on the train (or street, or wherever). i like dating random girls better because there are repercussions through my social network when we ultimately break up.
if i may say so myself, i think it's kind of closedminded to think that just because you met someone on the train, s/he must be crazy or slutty. you could've been able to tell that this particular guy was somewhat needy when he asked twice, but okay, you've given him your phone number--not your ssn and a copy of your birth certificate.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace@xanga - Yes, because you never know when a random guy whose number you get on the bus is actually a retired coach named Curtis pretending to be a hot woman supermodel on a blogging website. I guess some strangers can be strange.
I never ride the train, but that might change when I start college in the cities. Honestly, if the person didn't see my phone, the "I don't have a cell" excuse might work. Otherwise, I would make up a number. Sorry, boys.
Har, no one asks for my number.
But I don't think that it was on a train would freak me out if someone did.
that happened to me once on a bus ride home. I said I don't have a phone, and when he glanced at my phone in my hand I said it's my mom's. then he said, "well that's okay, we can exchange emails!" luckily my stop came right about then so I got off really quickly. I remember being really flustered.
but yeah, like you said, not all strangers are strange. if it was a guy who I found kind of attractive and we had a nice conversation with laughs and giggles, I just may have given him my number. the guy on the bus was a little strange, though he was really sweet :) when I was getting off the bus he told me that I should know that I'm extremely beautiful. d'awwwww.
Okay, so which places are completely devoid of any kind of weirdo whatsoever, coffeeshops? Bookstores? Bars? Hospitals? Fast food joints? Classes/Campuses? I saw an interview with Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe O' Brian on 24) where she mentioned that a guy followed her to her car in a parking lot and asked for her number, and she started dating him right afterwards. In fact, I'd even think that trains/buses are relatively good places to be asked - I see plenty of high school/college students riding them.
Stalkers and creeps can pop up in any kind of location. You don't know if you're going to meet a sociopath/narcissist/player, a loser, or a pretty decent person no matter WHERE you go - they infiltrate pretty much every location. I've met crazy girls in my own classes and I've met decent girls in the woods at 1 am when I was bored in a hotel on vacation and looking for random exciting stuff to happen.
He sounds like a hottie (and I'm a DUDE saying that) and I think your paranoia is going to cause you to miss out. Why not accept a date with him, and keep THAT in a public place, and just hold off any temptations to go back to his/your place for a while? Time is the best test of any inconsistencies or red flags in people. Focus less on the location that things are happening, and more on what actually is happening - do they seem legit? Are your gut instincts saying otherwise?
if its someone i am not interested at alll or creepy i just lie and say i have a boyfriend, but if its someone that seems nice and is cute i would give them my number
I've never been on a train. I've been on a bus a few times when I was a kid and I always hope no creepy/smelly people sit next to me-_- I usually pick a window seat and pretend that whoever sits next to me doesn't exist, so since I don't give him/her any eye contact, then they often are too hesitant to break the ice
I've heard of stories of a girl riding the bus to school and the same guy would ride the bus on a similar route every morning, then he developed a crush on her and started to give her gifts. he was three times her age and she wasn't interested but she had to continue to take the bus to school and had no way of avoiding him. scary>_<
This just happened to me today! I'm always trying to save on gas and help the environment so I took the local transit. This man, around his early 50's, tapped me on the shoulder, made some small conversation, and proceeded to sit next to me. Within a few minutes, he asks me for my number. lol! And I politely declined. (Uh, no, because I already have a bf and also, you're gross and creepy looking.)
yeah, this happens to me all the time... at bus stops, in walgreens, walking to class, .. it's pretty irritating at first but i usually just give them a fake number or my real number and ignore their call.
I was the jerk who gave out the Rejection Hotline number!
But in recent years, depending on the vibes I got, I'd either say something snarky (not the best way to go about it but I'm impulsive as hell) to get them to go away or give them my real number. Sometimes the guys have been a little too pushy and obsessive, and in that case I just ignore them until they stop getting in touch with me. But other times I actually have made good friends out of it. No regrets there! I trust my gut on that one.
I've had it happen at work before.
You can't help who you fall in love with....
but I've dated both friends and also guys I barely knew. I am now turning to mingling going on a few hangouts in groups, to hangouts to getting to know each other and become friends. I no longer want to date someone I haven't hung out with a few times beforehand. I truely want to date someone I've known a good time beforehand. I've been hurt my fair share. I never like it when I don't know him well enough and become strangers post break up.
You know, not everyone is a murderer :) But fair choice, you did alright by my book :)
@Footballblogs@xanga - that's a nice way to put it
@crashthedr3am@xanga - Thanks!
yea this happens to me, if i'm not interested, i just tell them I'm not looking for a relationship, and when they say they want to just be friends, I say he's the jealous type. lol i don't try to be rude because that just causes unnecessary drama. Or I tell them that I'm not looking for a relationship, and when they hit me with the "we can be friends", I just look at them, smirk, and say come on now you don't want to just be my friend. They know I'm right, smile back, and greet me adieu. works every time. Fortunately I've never come across a creeper...well except for one when I went to a JC, but fortunately I had my guy friends to escort me to class, and I know to kick men in the balls if they try to grab me. lol
yeah.. no
I feel you. When a guy you're not really interested in approaches you and bugs you until you give......so annoying. I've been caught giving fake numbers to people. This guy was so persistent in getting my number that he wouldn't leave me alone, so I gave him a fake number. A few months later, I run into him again at the bus station and he questioned me. Good thing he had a sense of humor about it.