Friday, 15 July 2011
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Hall Pass, Anyone?
So I watched Hall Pass this weekend, and it really got me thinking. Would I ever consider that if my marriage got to the point where I couldn't think of anything else? Well as of right now I would say no, but then again I am not to the point of desperation. But it makes me wonder, you know. Would that approach really work? Having a week off from marriage to do whatever you want might seem like a dream, but I'm pretty sure it could turn into a horrid nightmare real quick.For one, I completely admit that if I partook in something like that I would probably spend the whole week wondering what my husband was doing, or rather, who he was doing. And the effects afterwards...well that just sounds like a big mess. Obviously you're probably aren't supposed to discuss what or who you did, but would you really be okay not knowing? I know the curiosity would drive me insane. I would have to know if he was with someone else, but then once I found out, would I really be okay with that? I think not, especially if I hadn't done anything. Now if I had I don't know, but I sure wouldn't want to tell him if I had. This sounds like one big complication.
I understand that marriage gets dull and hits rough patches, but I don't know if I could bring myself to be okay with him getting a free week. Now, sure if he wanted to go fishing or something with his buddies for a week I would be fine with that. But as far as a hall pass for sex, I don't think I could swing that. Flirting, okay, but anything intimate would be a no go zone.
And really...let's be totally honest here. While a guy might go out and bang a few random girls, a woman would probably be more likely to engage in a more emotional affair. Speaking from my point, I think I would rather be wined, dined, and romanced than taken into a guy's truck to grab a quickie. I mean if sex is all I want, well there's my husband right there who I'm sure is only hoping that I come over and initiate just that. I think an emotional affair is more dangerous than a physical one (not talking health wise, just relationship wise) because once another man has a woman's heart, it's going to take her husband some work to get it back, and if he was having a good time during his week, I really can't see him fighting too hard for it.
The hall pass idea reminds me of a trial separation but with a time limit and rules. I guess it's like a prelude to a separation. If you liked the hall pass then you separate, and if you realize how much you care about each other then you continue with your marriage. I don't know though. It still seems a bit messy to me.
Would you ever consider giving your S.O. a hall pass? What do you think of this idea?
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About the Author
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- From: lemons_to_lemonade@xanga
- Name: lemons_to_lemonade
- Location: New Orleans, Louisiana, United States
- About Me: I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I'm usually for the most part pretty honest. If you want to know something then ask, but don't get mad if you don't like the answer. Life is too short to go through it unhappy, and if you figure out how to do that please let me know. I'm sarcastic and sometimes upfront and rude, but every question deserves an answer. I'm tired of giving people what they want. I'm constantly searching for an answer when I'm not even quite sure what the question is. I firmly believe that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And I don't think I should be the one to have to change to make someone else happy. This is me, take it or leave it.
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Comments (19)
Sure, I'd give my SO a hall pass. He would just have to transfer to a different class, permanently.
No way. I think its a horrible idea.
Hah great post, I think its awesome seeming that I posted this same post 3 days ago.
i wouldnt. but i like the idea. because i think its honesty and can lead to "being real". there are many people who should not be together or need to get their shit together. 1 week of freedom would either make or break them- id just be glad they'd figure it out. and let themselves. are they happier single? or do they just need to rework something in their relationship? or was it a fun memory? (not messy but something cool to look back on)--- i totally love this idea.
That movie was a perfect premise for disaster. First off, the husbands in that movie THOUGHT they were still "hot commodity" and treated their wives like poo. While they talked a big game, in the turn of the events, they were so out of touch with the dating world that they realized, their wives probably had a better chance at getting a random guy to jump into the sack than they do.
Personally, I don't share. If I wanted to share my SO then we would have never established our couple-status nor get engaged. When you're with me, I'd rather have him with ME; emotionally, physically and all elements that pertains to US. If he needs a week off from marriage to realize that this is what COMMITTED relationship is supposed to feel and BE like to truly appreciate the acknowlegement from your spouse for your quirks and personality, then they really dont' deserve to be in a happy family life. In short, I'd probably opt for Marriage Counseling RATHER than give them a hall pass to get "whatever" out of their system.
This would never work for me. If you are WILLING to go out and be intimate with someone else then it shows your lack of commitment to me.If my marriage ever got to a stand still point then I'd do everything in my power to get the spark back and that does NOT including letting him go sleep around.
@ravieus@xanga - i actually wrote this like at leas]\€ a month ago...don't know why they decided to put it up now
I think if I ever got a hall pass, I'd spend the week flirting and acting shamelessly single before I came to my senses :P
I think my boyfriend would just bang a lot of girls...
no way, it's a recipe for disaster. cheating ruins relationships because they break trust and cause feelings of guilt. AND cheating once without consequences will definitely make you want more. i dont know what i'd do if my future marriage was losing its spark, but i definitely wouldnt give my future husband the opportunity to bang other girls without consequences. you just cant put the pieces back together the way they once were after a week like that.
FAKE CHOW. hilarious! bahahaha. funny movie. i wondered this too... you make valid points. i dont think id be able to. but who knows. if my marriage turned into that, maybe so.
No. freaking. way.
My boyfriend and I have already had the monogamy / non-monogamy discussion, and neither of us would be into sharing. at all. ever.
The only time I've been open to the idea was when I was with people I didn't really plan on spending the rest of my life with. The idea of someone else touching my boyfriend puts me into a blind rage like nothing else.
@ravieus@xanga - She posted hers on June 20th: http://lemons-to-lemonade.xanga.com/750614258/hall-pass-anyone/
Yours is posted on July 12th http://ravieus.xanga.com/752503024/is-it-good-to-cheat-if-your-allowed/
and your grammar makes it difficult to even read. Just saying.
A free pass in general to get some fresh air and get in touch with your self again or to specifically see other people?
The former would be something you should do in any relationship. It's heatlhy and necessary. As for the latter..
yes, in a heartbeat, for two reasons
1) The selfless reason: if it'll make him more fulfilled and happy to be with someone else for a while, that's fine with me, because I would want to be treated the same way.
2) The selfish reason: I can't force him to like me and I wouldn't want a partner who's only loyal because he's consciously willing himself to be. I'd need someone who wants only me even when having the freedom to be with anyone else . It's the ultimate test to see if we're truly compatible or not (;
@ohveryoung@xanga - Your comment made my day, totally agree with it.
No. Never.
@wing_stock@xanga - Oh boyfriend im sorry im mean im married for 8 years , i mean i think i know what im talking about but okay. You keep thinking your boyfriend is fucking someone better when you give him a break ;) . A hall pass is meant to people that are married dumb ass. Next time think about it then write.
Nope.
I would give a hall pass to have a week of freshness in your life though. For example, you're still "taken", but live in two different places for a week and have no contact... Just do your own thing. I'd crash at a friend's place for a week and just do whatever the hell I wanted to. I'm talking about hanging out with friends, the guys, getting a workout, playing some ball, playing video games. I don't mean to go bang a hot chick or whatever. Flirting is fine, just to get that confidence level up, but nothing physical.
because once another man has a woman's heart, it's going to take her husband some work to get it back
and yes i agree 100% with that. Always the scariest part for me in a relationship is when the woman's heart might go towards another man, which did end up happening with my ex =(
@ravieus@xanga - I don't understand your comment... .__.
There is absolutely no way I'd ever give my fiance a hall pass. I trust him with all my heart and every part of my body tells me that he'd be doing the same thing I'd be doing: a small part of hanging out with friends and a big part of spending time wondering what said person is doing. He's never been the type to engage in promiscuous sex or affairs of any sort. Before me, he'd only been with one person, sexually. Promiscuity is not something that interests him and it's not something that interests me (anymore). Fortunately, I'm pretty sure there's only one realistic person he's interested in having sex with and that would be me. Unrealistically: Mila Kunis, Stacy Keibler, & Lindsay Lohan before her drug addiction.
It's interesting. I prolly would. It shows the confidence and respect and trust to not do those things.
At the end of the day that's what it is.
Haha..unfortunally the guys I met are over protective and apprently don't trust me to that degree. A pity :P