Monday, 11 July 2011
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Going to College: Letting Go or Holding On?
One huge issue that may concern any high school senior couple departing for their first year of college would be whether to stick together or break up. It all depends on how long the couple was together and how well one can move on for the other. Being single in college is not for everyone of course. I did not want to be single because I loved my boyfriend to death and would never move on.We agreed that I just focus on my studies and new social life while he focused on his future career back home. I never regretted our decision and the 8-month separation made our bond much stronger. If we could survive that then we can survive just about anything else that hits us. Don’t get me wrong, I did think about life if I was single but I am a hopeless romantic. I can't be single for a long amount of time. If my boyfriend and I did split up, I would end up begging for him back (Shameful, I know).
When you do go to a college far from your family and lover, you instantly have your independence and freedom. You do what you want, make any decisions you want, take risks, and try new things without a parent or boyfriend/girlfriend giving their judgments, demands, or thoughts. I grew up my freshman year of college because I did many things and went to many places on my own, not even with a college buddy. It was not like me to go places all by myself but I had to suck it up and explore my surroundings, help myself, and learn to be by myself.
One lesson I learned the hard way was that you cannot depend on anybody out there but yourself, not even your so-called friends you only knew for a couple of months in college. You were born into this world alone and you must come out of here alone. We’re born to be independent. (I’m not saying being friendless is the way to go. It’s awesome befriending different types of people in college. You meet peers from different countries and states with different lifestyles and kooky personalities. The friends I made opened my eyes to a different world.)
Being single means having brief hook-ups with strangers you’ll have no intimacy, legit friendship, or true bond with. I do not want that lifestyle at all. Even if I did become single, I would keep to myself with the opposite sex until I graduate. I do not have time searching for or having a new romantic relationship while in college. I know how I get when I’m in a new relationship; nothing in the world exists but me and whomever the guy is. It’s not good for my grades or friends.
It’s not the end of the world if you and your other half decide to break up or begin a long-distance relationship. You’ll have company and new experiences in life that will take your mind off of the separation. Make sure to communicate with your boyfriend/girlfriend every single day! Web cams are a relationship saver!
Are you a recent high school graduate in a romantic relationship deciding if you should break up with your lover? If not, did you ever have to face that type of situation? What decision do you think would be right for you?
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Comments (16)
"Being single means having brief hook-ups with strangers you’ll have no intimacy, legit friendship, or true bond with."
Not true, unless you have no self-control.
Otherwise, pretty good stuff in this post.
I've been in college for a few years now, and I'd have to say, I think it really depends on the couple. A lot of my friends who went to college while in a relationship have broken up by now, though there are a few that are still together...
I started a new relationship in March with a guy from my hometown (250 miles away from where I'm attending college). So our relationship started out with us only seeing each other every other weekend. This went on for two and a half months, but now it's summer, and we spend every day together. It's going to be so hard going back to college this fall after spending so much time with him. I mean, I know 250 miles isn't like super far, but when you're a poor college kid, it's not easy traveling with the way gas prices are. Either way, my boyfriend and I are completely committed to one another, we plan on getting married when I'm out of college, so needless to say, we're gonna make it work. I told him he seriously needed a computer with a webcam, so hopefully he'll get one. lol
It worked for me. That's because I went home once or twice a month. And after a year, we were together because she graduated and went to the same college. So it only works if you have a PLAN on being together sometime in the future. If it's just forever long distance, it may not work. She's now my ex, but at least we made it through the long distance part. And I believe it did help strengthen our relationship too.
I 100% agree with the you can't depend on anyone else but yourself. It really is just you. And don't hold back on the world. Go out and explore, be adventurous, take some risks. That's how you mature and grow up and learn.
You have to decide what's right for YOU. If you feel like you can handle the distance, go for it. If not, don't. I've been in long distance relationships before, and I couldn't handle it. It caused a break up.
It depends on the two really but I admire couples who decide to be together even through college.
My boyfriend and I are separated for three months yet he was fine. He skyped everyday and would always be eager to talk to me. :)27 more days til I get home.
i have just written a blog called relationships about what people think about long distance, come have a read and give me your thoughts :) i would love to hear from you all :)
Just great. :) It takes a lot to choose to be separated from a person you were deeply connected with, but I think you made a very strong and wise decision to experience how life is on your own. I don't mean to bash any couples who stay together after high school - heck, two of my close friends have been together since their sophomore year and are still going strong. Personally, I felt that being in a relationship my first 3 years of college prevented me from a lot of other experiences (and, NO, I'm not talking about hooking up with random guys). Instead of forcing myself to be more social, joining clubs, and making new friends (the awkward, nerve-racking part of college), I would just go to class, get work done, and then immediately meet up with my then-boyfriend right after. I didn't feel the need to put myself out there more since I was already in a comfort zone. Was it easy? Yes. But after we broke up, I looked at my life and realized that my whole college experience was wasted since I was so focused on my relationship with him rather than challenging myself to find out my own identity.
If you're one of those people who could be independent while committed to another person, I commend you. But I feel that most people who are fresh out of high school and entering college have not yet reached the maturity level of truly knowing themselves. I've said this many times before, but I firmly believe that a person cannot truly know who he/she is until they are on their own. Yes, it's hard to separate yourself from someone you love, and I understand it's not for everyone. But taking that step back to find out who YOU are just might make your relationship several magnitudes better in the future. My two cents.
I'm about to go through this with my boyfriend. We're both going to college in the fall and not to the same one, we're about forty minutes apart. We plan to see each other on the weekends and as much as possible. But we trust each other enough to let go and let each other experience college life separately too. I'm SO SICK of everyone around me telling me to break up with him because we'll break up anyway by Thanksgiving. Every college book my parents have bought me have said break up a relationship, it won't work. Well you know, I've SEEN some that do. And I hate the people give me adivce like that like we're no different from anyone else in the world!
If you both want it and both are trusting and trustworthy, then definitely go for it. If one of you is uneasy, it'd be hard. But I personally think it's worth a shot. MY advice would be to IGNORE all that other advice from everything else, because even though it's from people who've been in college, they can't advise you on how you're going to feel, and that's that.
our time is running out soon :( he's going to whitman, which means that he's staying in state and I'm moving to ucsd. I don't want to think about it
I feel like it's harder when you're more of an adult, and something like grad school or work creates the physical distance. Adults have more of a chance in their relationships than teens do, but for those who get married out of hs, I've rarely ever seen them go to far-away schools.
I tried to make a relationship work through my first semester of college and it was a miserable failure. We made it through the semester, but I was often depressed and didn't participate in activities nearly as much as I should have (and hopefully would have) during my freshmen year. I however think I definitely would have wanted to date in college. Not necessarily seriously, but actively for sure!!!
My relationship worked out, but a lot of it had to do with my boyfriend coming home to see me once in a while, and using Skype. I told him it was important to me that we at least got to talk on the phone for a little bit every day, and as long as I had that connection with him and that "check-in" time I feel it worked out great. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and being away only makes you realize how much you do like being with your SO. Good luck everyone!
I started college 4 years ago, and let me tell you, I never thought that I would end up breaking up with my boyfriend. College will change you, and most likely you will meet someone who fits the new you better.
My boyfriend and I were seeing each other for about eight months before we parted to go to school in Arizona and Oregon. I'm happy to say it worked out great, and getting used to not seeing him all the time or talking to him every second of every day wasn't so hard either. And now we're living together and attending the same school, so that's even better.